Oooooo she's very pretty - fuck off

(417 Posts)
Putthenerfdown Mon 12-May-14 11:19:22

NC for this and in no way a stealth boast.

AIBU to be sick of hearing this about myself.

Met DPs family for the first time. We went for dinner and I was polite, we had an interesting discussion about the elections, I talked to his mum about books, we had a good time. I sent a nice text the next day thanking them for paying for the meal.

DP spoke to them today. I asked him if they had a good time "yes they enjoyed it, they said how pretty you are". Um ok...anything else "no just that your pretty oh and my DM thinks your very slim"

Which is lovely. Unless your bored of bring pretty or having a nice figure. And yes I TOTALLY know how this reads (like I'm a conceited bitch). But I've heard this for years and just once it would be nice to be funny or clever or kind or interesting and not yes she's got good genes.

AIBU and should shut up or not? DP doesn't see the problem "but you are pretty" was his reply.

Putthenerfdown Mon 12-May-14 11:20:59

Should add this isn't a one off. We did a team exercise thing where you had to write down things about team mates. 90% of mine were about looks.

CoffeeTea103 Mon 12-May-14 11:22:04

What exactly do you want to tell your dp about? He cannot make them say anything else.

Putthenerfdown Mon 12-May-14 11:22:08

And I won a reading competition at school. DM said oh well done and you looked so pretty getting your award. Fuck off!

runningonwillpower Mon 12-May-14 11:23:22

You are being unreasonable.

I never tire of hearing how pretty I am.

In fact, I'm often disappointed that people fail to notice.

emuloc Mon 12-May-14 11:23:23

So being pretty means you have good genes? I just thought there was a bit more to it than that.

WilsonFrickett Mon 12-May-14 11:24:12

Would it help to think that this isn't about you - it's about how society sees women. Some people think 'being pretty' is the top prize in the ballot of life - ick - but it tells you more about the people who say it than the person whom it is being said about.

hiddenhome Mon 12-May-14 11:24:27

Well I think you should feel grateful. I met dh online and the first time I met his best friend, the friend said to me "yes, he (dh) showed us some of the profile photos he'd been looking at. Some of them were really attractive, but he told us you were really nice and you had loads in common" shocksad

puckingfixies Mon 12-May-14 11:24:35

Sorry can't help, have no experience of this whatsoever sad

EyelinerQueen Mon 12-May-14 11:25:33

Is this you OP??!

In fairness I can see how that would be irritating. I'd rather be noticed for my dazzling wit and knowledge of current affairs than my figure.

I'd happily take either though.

hiddenhome Mon 12-May-14 11:25:40

I should hasten to add that his friend is now divorced, but me and dh are still happily married smile

Brittabot Mon 12-May-14 11:26:20

Maybe that's what's most noticeable about you, it doesn't mean you're not any of the other things you mentioned. You did ask what they'd said about you!

I'd let the school reading competition thing go, that's a long time to be angry about something that's essentially a compliment.

Well if you are fed up of hearing how pretty you are then why not just smack yourself in the face with a bag of spanners.

Like running I too will never tire of being told how beautiful I am.....I thrive on it smile

Seriously, of course YABU - they have only met you the once, they don't really at this moment in time have much more to go on - take it as a compliment and stop making something out of nothing.

You sound like extremely hard work.

emuloc Mon 12-May-14 11:26:37

You thought that about your mother after she said well done. Lovely!

Sorry you're getting sniffy replies OP. You're asking to be judged on your personality and intelligence, not your looks. We all want that and we all want that for our daughters. YANBU.

NotYoMomma Mon 12-May-14 11:27:10

He asked about their first impressions of you. A lot of first impression is based on looks/ clothes c

As you meet them more and chat and get in the fold they won't mention it as much and talk about other things. Maybe they have confidence issues as she gets older and it's her issue not yours?

I wouldn't worry at this early stage and just let your relationship develop. Put your heckles Down

Putthenerfdown Mon 12-May-14 11:28:04

Yes I know how this sounds.

I don't want DP to do anything! I'd like to be something other than pretty or slim. I go to great pains to make sure the DC are praised for achievements etc not that they look naice. DS is always fast, strong, funny. DDs are always pretty, cute etc

AnyFucker Mon 12-May-14 11:28:12

Is that you again, Samantha ?

expatinscotland Mon 12-May-14 11:28:21

I love stealth boast threads like this.

FreudiansSlipper Mon 12-May-14 11:28:41

You will miss it when you no longer get it sob sob

But I do understand what you mean yes compliments are nice but to be valued on your looks does not do much for your self esteem you are a person not an object and sadly we place much emphasis on looks especially on girls and women, if you are good looking all will be fine you will bag a rich husband if you are not so good looking you will need to be intelligent

UrethraFranklin Mon 12-May-14 11:28:51

Maybe you weren't that intellectual in the conversations wink

I think you just have to accept it.

FourForksAche Mon 12-May-14 11:29:11

yanbu, sounds like you feel unappreciated, your other talents getting ignored. I don't know how to help but you're not wrong to feel hurt about this.

funnyvalentine Mon 12-May-14 11:29:40

It's not the done thing to draw attention to our intelligence, we might get ideas above our station.

FragglerockAmpersand Mon 12-May-14 11:30:39

It's not you. It's the patriarchy.

I'd be pissed off too.

FragglerockAmpersand Mon 12-May-14 11:31:50

Incidentally nothing annoys me more than women who describe other women in terms of their appearance - often 'Yeah she's tiny like size 8 the bitch, and gorgeous!" etc. etc.

You never hear them say, "Yeah, she's a neurosurgeon the bitch, I'm so jealous" or "OMG she's just run a marathon, she's so strong and fit" etc. etc.

Bah to it all!

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