To be surprised she told her husband my secret....

(771 Posts)
Writerwannabe83 Mon 12-May-14 07:35:35

A few months ago I confided something to my best friend and asked her not to tell anyone.

A comment made to me this this morning by her DH indicated to me that she had repeated to him what I'd said.

I just got off the phone to her and she openly said that yes she had told her DH but didn't think that would be a problem as her DH wasn't just 'anyone' in her eyes and they tell each other everything. She said had I specified that I didn't want her to tell anyone, including her husband, then obviously she would never have said anything to him. She told me she thought it was normal for married couples to share and that it was strange that I was surprised they had been discussing me.

It wasn't a major secret or anything horrific so I'm not overly annoyed at her, I do know her husband quite well and this won't affect any of our friendships or any thing, but I still feel a bit confused.

Would you share with your husband something you'd been asked to keep quiet about just because he's your husband and "that's what married couples do"?

PuddingAndHotMilk Mon 12-May-14 07:38:15

I tell my DH pretty much everything so yes, unless some said "please don't tell, and that includes MrPud" the chances are we would end up talking about it.

usuallysuspect Mon 12-May-14 07:38:25

No I wouldn't.

I don't feel we need to know every detail of each others lives.

QuintessentiallyQS Mon 12-May-14 07:39:48

I think it is pretty normal. Just like you had the need to confide, she had the need to not carry the secret alone so confided in her husband. It is not uncommon. Pretty daft of her husband to let on that he knows. How come you saw him this morning? It is not even 8 am?

LadyCybilCrawley Mon 12-May-14 07:40:00

I would never expect a friend to withhold information from their partner - puts them in an awkward position - I always assume if I tell someone then their partner may or will also know at some stage

If I need to swear someone to secrecy to tell them something then I think it's likely something I should keep to myself - secrets don't tell to remain secrets for long after being told to someone

Sparklingbrook Mon 12-May-14 07:40:21

No, I don't tell DH anything about my friends' lives. Why would I discuss them with him?

MrsWolowitz Mon 12-May-14 07:40:31

I'd tell my DH unless she specified "please don't tell MrWolowitz".

I wouldn't think not to, we tell each other everything.

littledrummergirl Mon 12-May-14 07:40:46

Always. He is my sounding block. Unless asked not to tell him specifically.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Mon 12-May-14 07:41:44

If someone said to me "please don't tell anyone including your OH" I wouldn't tell anyone including him. He doesn't need to know everything I know about people and vice versa and chances are he wouldn't be interested anyway.

My sister is the same as your friend though. Which is why I no longer tell her anything I want to be kept hush hush. i'm sick of her husband telling me he knows too hmm

itisntme Mon 12-May-14 07:41:47

I think expecting she wouldn't tell her dh is a bit odd to be honest, if you really didn't want him told you should have specified. It was obviously something you felt the need to tell someone, so a bit unfair for them not to have the same. If you don't want anyone to know, don't tell anyone

itisntme Mon 12-May-14 07:41:48

I think expecting she wouldn't tell her dh is a bit odd to be honest, if you really didn't want him told you should have specified. It was obviously something you felt the need to tell someone, so a bit unfair for them not to have the same. If you don't want anyone to know, don't tell anyone

CundtBake Mon 12-May-14 07:42:24

I wouldn't tell anyone to keep a secret from their partner nor would I expect them to. Isn't that quite a big part of a relationship? Not having secrets?

Sparklingbrook Mon 12-May-14 07:42:36

I am really surprised that I am in the minority.

SixImpossible Mon 12-May-14 07:42:58

It's not a straightforward yes or no answer. I have shared secrets with dh, and also not shared them.

I agree, though, that dh isn't "everyone".

diddl Mon 12-May-14 07:43:03

"Would you share with your husband something you'd been asked to keep quiet about just because he's your husband and "that's what married couples do"?"

Not sure tbh.

But if I did, he'd have more sense than to let on that he knew!

Sparklingbrook Mon 12-May-14 07:43:34

There's secrets and then there's a bit of info that isn't relevant to DH, so why tell him?

Writerwannabe83 Mon 12-May-14 07:43:48

quintessentially - I saw him whilst putting the rubbish out. They live a few doors down and he was on his way to work. We aren't having an affair or anything, haha grin

From the way he openly spoke about the issue it implied he also thought it was a given my friend would tell him and so I would expect him to know and talk about it with me.

usuallysuspect Mon 12-May-14 07:44:18

Me too, Sparkling.

And if I did tell him and he let on he knew I wouldn't be very happy with him.

Sparklingbrook Mon 12-May-14 07:44:28

He sounds really odd to bring it up.

Writerwannabe83 Mon 12-May-14 07:45:04

My friend clearly hadn't said, "Don't tell Writer I told you this but....."

Sparklingbrook Mon 12-May-14 07:45:13

Exactly usual. All a bit indiscreet if you ask me.

Hellokittycat Mon 12-May-14 07:45:13

I'd share with dh unless specifically asked not to I think
If asked not to then I def wouldn't tell him though

usuallysuspect Mon 12-May-14 07:45:21

We are not one person. We have our own lives and friends.

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 12-May-14 07:45:51

I wouldn't tell him either. What because your married you hae to tell someone everything even if it's stuff done ones asked you to keep secret?

God no. If it's not something that should be a joint decision then why the hell does he need to know?

Writerwannabe83 Mon 12-May-14 07:47:13

sparkling - the topic kind of naturally arose. The issue I had discussed with my friend was surrounding my mom and when I saw the DH this morning he simply asked what I was up to today, I said I was planning on visiting my mom and that's when he made his comment.

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