I have name changed for this in case someone recognises me.
I'm a lesbian and I hate it. I'm actually only out online, I haven't actually told people in real life for fear of how they will react. I've tried so hard to be attracted to men but it just doesn't work. I've had boyfriends but I've never had a long term relationship, I always end it before it gets too serious as I hate leading them along like that. It's also a nightmare for me to have to pretend to be attracted to them and it just gets too hard to play along in the end. I haven't been in a relationship for two years now and I've made a vow to myself to not date any more men and will always turn down any offers for a relationship from men these days, using the excuse that I'm not ready for a relationship yet.
Everybody thinks I'm straight and I feel like I'm living a lie constantly. I really do wish I was straight as it just seems easier that way but lying is just so tiring and I know I won't be able to hide it forever.
I'm scared about how people will react, that people won't accept it and I fear people being homophobic towards me and that I will get abuse for it. My mother is homophobic and I know she will hate the fact that I'm gay. I worry that any future children will be bullied for having a gay mum.
I mean, it's not wrong to wish I was "normal" (and I hate that word), right? Just for an easy life.
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To wish I was straight
64 replies
HotChocolateAndACookie · 27/03/2014 22:29
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