To write off a loan I gave my friend

(39 Posts)
Bornin1984 Mon 17-Mar-14 17:41:31

Here we go...

I lent my friend around 200 while her husband was poorly in hospital and basically she was on her arse. She works he doesn't! This was around 6momths ago, she keeps saying she needs to pay it back but doesn't make any attempt to!

am I unreasonable
To write it off as
A gift and never loan anybody. Money again!!

ishouldcocoa Mon 17-Mar-14 17:42:41

My Dad always told me to never lend money you couldn't afford to loose. He is very right!

Bornin1984 Mon 17-Mar-14 17:45:26

I guess at the time I didn't need it
Or now do I need it! I guess im more pissed at the fact she promises to pay but nothing materialises

MuttonCadet Mon 17-Mar-14 17:45:46

Yes, or at least do that in your mind, then if she does pay you back it's a bonus!

Bornin1984 Mon 17-Mar-14 17:46:39

Yes mutton, i think that's what me and dh had decided!

Harsh lesson learnt tho

saulaboutme Mon 17-Mar-14 17:47:27

Right it off. Maybe it's on her mind but can't afford to pay you back.

Unless she can afford it and isn't bothering, that's a different story.

Varya Mon 17-Mar-14 17:47:35

My OH lent £3K to someone and we will never get it back. Thank goodness we have separate current accounts!

Bornin1984 Mon 17-Mar-14 17:49:38

As we all know what she does with her money's her business.... But when she says she's spent a b c onx y z that's deemed luxury then it's hmm

cozietoesie Mon 17-Mar-14 17:51:32

Tell her that you're forgetting about it - and maybe to give the money to charity if she can someday afford it?

I think that you have to say goodbye to any closeness of the friendship, though, because it will always be sitting there between you. In future, don't lend money: give a gift if there's no way round it but if someone you know is having problems, you're far better to take round eg some food or do them a service if you can. There's something about money that rankles forever.

LittleMissGerardButlersMinion Mon 17-Mar-14 17:53:09

Sorry it you have already suggested this, but could you say to her if she is struggling she could pay back small amounts weekly/monthly whatever?

It's a shame by being kind you have lost out sad

Bornin1984 Mon 17-Mar-14 17:53:18

I beginning to think the friendship is on the way out anyway. So perhaps it's best to ignore any further
Contact and move on! Sad as it may be,
Aside from money she's been a good friend but sometimes good friendships don't last

Crinkle77 Mon 17-Mar-14 18:10:48

I might seem like a stinge but I never lend anyone money because you never get it back. I have had friends borrow small amounts (£20/£30) and not pay it back and then you feel like a stinge asking for it back.

Bornin1984 Mon 17-Mar-14 18:16:31

Yes mrs crinkle :-( I felt I was
Doing the right thing in lending her it, food gas electric petrol for work!

It would appear some can take advantage, like i said harsh lesson

mellicauli Mon 17-Mar-14 18:19:58

Giver her a chance. She may just be broke. Explain you need the money and suggest she set up a direct debit to pay you back 10 pounds a week. If she doesn't do this, I would cross off the xmas card list.

Bornin1984 Mon 17-Mar-14 18:24:29

How long does one wait then? Before writing it off ?

Monmouth Mon 17-Mar-14 18:31:51

Do what Mellicauli said.

Next time she says 'oh I must pay you back that money' say that would be good can you manage £10 a month?

Bornin1984 Mon 17-Mar-14 18:41:26

Will try that! Thanks everyone

yes, set up a payment plan of a certain amount each week/month rather than getting it all back at once.

blanchedeveraux Mon 17-Mar-14 18:54:22

I've seen this happen. It's a bit "no good deed goes unpunished". Somehow the person who's been kind enough to help someone out of a financial hole ends up being the "bad guy" for having the cheek to expect it back.

Bornin1984 Mon 17-Mar-14 18:57:38

I never have expected
It back in one go. As and when type
Of thing, but she keeps promising and it never comes!

missymayhemsmum Mon 17-Mar-14 19:01:35

She's obviously feeling bad about it because she keeps mentioning it so you either (if you can afford it and she can't) say 'don't worry, call it a birthday present, you'd do the same for me. or you say 'yes, I could really do with it. Would you be able to give it to me by next month? Or so much a week?
Sounds like she and her dp are a bit crap with money and £200 is a big lump to find. If she wasn't planning to pay it back she wouldn't mention it, iyswim.

She prob keeps saying "oh I need to pay you that money back" in the hope that you'll say "no, don't worry about it", so definitely ask if she can manage it at a tenner a month or however much.

They say if you lend a friend some money and you never see either the friend or the money again, it was almost certainly money well spent.

I lent a friend £100 even though she has a good job. She asked me not to tell her husband.

At the time I was married, plenty of money and my ex was ok with it.

But she would text and say she was short and could she pay me back another month, it got embarrassing!

That was 6 years ago, now I'm a skint single mum and struggle all the time. sad

She's never mentioned the money which I resent and she's still no better with money. But strangely she's always got the latest stuff, two Ipads etc .. angry

I've accepted I'm not getting it back so maybe you should just forget it or it will eat away at you.

LoveVintage Mon 17-Mar-14 19:09:15

What do you say when she says she must pay it back? Because if you don't say anything firmly agreeing that she must, and if you are vague, or say something about paying it as and when, you are perhaps giving her the impression that whilst you want it back, there is no rush, and if she is skint, whilst she may feel guilty, if you are not pressing her for it, she will put off paying it.

I agree next time she mentions it you should suggest a payment plan to make it easier for her, in the hope that will "formalise" things.

VodkaJelly Mon 17-Mar-14 19:36:38

My dad lent somebody £3000 a few years ago, it was never repaid. Promise after promise was broken on repaying the debt. Apparently the person need the money to pay their mortgage, but pissed off on holiday when the money come through.

This person is my dads brother.

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