I have a 3 week old baby who is my first born, I absolutely adore him and am enjoying my new life as a mum... He does cry a fair bit, and wants to be cuddled upto me rather than in a bouncer chair or moses basket, which leaves me with very little time to get jobs done during the day,
Am I being totally unreasonable to want my partner who works full time to help me a little more during the night, and also want time to eat a proper meal?
I couldn't have asked more from my partner during his time at home after the birth, I had a traumatic labour and was unable to do as much as I would have liked at first. He did all the night feeds, most of the day feeds, all nappy changes, bottle sterilising etc etc etc and left me to enjoy cuddles with the baby and recover from the labour. I am not moaning about him, he is brilliant with the baby and we have just sort of slipped into a way of doing things that I am not entirely happy with.
Since he has gone back to work (full time) we have fallen into a routine where as well as looking after the baby all day I do every night feed Sunday - Thursday, and he takes over Friday and Saturday. During the weekends I still end up waking up when he does the night feeds as I am a light sleeper and struggle to fall back to sleep. During the week he sleeps right through the night and gets up at 7am for work, I have usually been up for at least an hour if not more by this point. I am utterly exhausted.
During the day I don't have time to make a decent meal to eat, and end up picking at food when I get a minute. This is leaving me more drained and with little energy.
I just cried and cried when he left for work this morning, mainly because I miss him so much when he leaves us, but also because I still hadn't eaten breakfast, knew I wouldn't get chance too, and was knackered from being awake the best part of 4 hours in the night.
I have just taken the baby into the kitchen, and he finally fell asleep in his chair to the sound of the tumble dryer. I feel rotten doing this, but I made myself a lovely nutritious meal, and left the baby in the kitchen to go to the sitting room and eat. I did keep nipping back in to check he was ok. Was this mean of me? I was just so desperate for some food that I had the shakes!
When my partner gets in from work he takes a while to get himself organised, he has a bath, then makes himself some food, prepares for work the next day etc so while he is doing that I still cant hand baby over and usually end up doing a further nappy change and feed. It can be anything around 7-8pm before we are all settled down to spend time together and I can get a rest.
What I am mainly asking for advice on, is would I be unreasonable to suggest to my partner that he helps a little during the week when he arrives home, and with night feeds?
I completely get that he works full time and needs his sleep, but I also feel that I need to be more awake and alert to look after our baby during the day. I am thinking maybe he could get up once out of the 3 times the baby wakes? Or we could each do night feeds on alternate nights throughout the whole week? Any other suggestions welcome too...
I also understand he has been at work all day, but he has had a lunch hour and a full nights sleep, I have not.
Or as a stay at home mother should I be doing it all, and leave him to sleep during the week nights?
Sorry for rambling, I am a very tired new mum trying to get used to it all!!
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AIBU?
To want a little more help, and be able to eat a meal occasionally?!
74 replies
cookiemonster5678 · 10/02/2014 14:15
OP posts:
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