to fee ever so sad about this?

(205 Posts)
shockedandupset Thu 30-Jan-14 21:53:07

We had parents eve/mock results day today, and my DS did astoundingly badly. He is a clever boy, has a tutor for several subjects (who considers him A/A* standard, which is where DS thought he was). His results were Cs and Ds.

To hear his teachers speak was like discussing another child. Their attitude was he might get a B if he works hard - but that won't be enough to get him onto A level courses.

DS is now doing extra work in his room, I am in tears and have been since I got back from the school. I just can't believe it. It felt like a horrible dream as I sat there with them all telling me what a failure my DS is. I feel heartbroken sad

BonaDea Thu 30-Jan-14 21:54:34

Yanbu. Have a hug.

Why not rally round and give him all the encouragement and support you can. Believe in him and prove them all wrong.

WestieMamma Thu 30-Jan-14 21:56:01

Don't worry he may pull it out of bag. I failed most of my mocks but got As in the actual exams.

FattyNewYear Thu 30-Jan-14 21:58:06

You never know this might be the kick up the backside needed.

ShreddedHoops Thu 30-Jan-14 21:59:16

I hope your son doesn't know you've been crying, he must feel really awful, how unfair sad

Your tutor is wrong about your son and therefore probably not helping him - can you find a new and better one? It is very damaging for a child to be told their prospects are much higher than they are, and it sounds like you have put faith in her.

If he is able (and I have no idea if he is or not) then he might still pull some As out the bag. But really As are not the be all and end all, he'll get on to AS with a B.

shockedandupset Thu 30-Jan-14 22:00:18

Really Westie? That makes me feel a little better.

I nearly had a full on row with one of his teachers - I asked her what the max grade he could achieve was - she said a D. I said was she saying it was impossible for him to do better than a D, she said no but in her 'professional opinion' he wouldn't.

I'm so sorry to hear about your parents evening/results etc. Was DS with you? What was his reaction? I'm surprised that all of his teachers gave him lower grades than he'd expected.

Do you think they may have marked the papers harshly? I'm asking because at my DCs school, I've heard that mocks are marked relatively low to encourage the pupils to work to a higher standard, if that makes sense. I wonder if that might be the case?

ShreddedHoops Thu 30-Jan-14 22:01:09

And please stop using the word failure about your son. Really, not on. If he came out with an A, some Bs and C's and a D, would you tell him he's a failure?!

Iwannalaylikethisforever Thu 30-Jan-14 22:01:40

Sorry if this sounds dumb but I had a similar feeling about my daughters assessments. Admit not mocks but the results were c-d I was surprised, she's a bright girl. She explained that's the level they are expected to gain right now, each term the grade improves with their learning.
When are the actual exams?
Virtual hug to you. How upsetting for you both.

LondonBus Thu 30-Jan-14 22:01:59

Of course B is good enough to get him on to A level courses!

Is he just not very good at taking exams? Is he Y 10? Have you just gone from NC levels to GCSE levels?

Why does he have a tutor for so many subjects if you thought he was doing well?

It sounds to me like he will definitely be able to study A levels, even if not at the school he is at now (is it very academic?).

From the teachers attitude; (a b isn't good enough) I'm not sure I'd want him to stay there for A levels anyway).

wonderstuff Thu 30-Jan-14 22:02:29

Why won't Bs get him onto A level course?

FloozeyLoozey Thu 30-Jan-14 22:02:47

I think you need to be proud of your son as a person, not his projected exam results. There's more to life than exam grades. YABU.

bigbluebus Thu 30-Jan-14 22:03:14

Did he get those Grades because he didn't revise though? DS did GCSE's last Summer but his attitude for the Mocks was "they're only mocks, they don't count", so he did precious little revision.
He did, however, do some but still not as much as I would have liked revision for the actual GCSEs and came out with A's - although he could have got A* if he had worked a bit harder.
He has just done his AS level mocks and has had similarly disappointing results as he didn't listen to any of the advice he was given by teachers and did the bare minimum.

shockedandupset Thu 30-Jan-14 22:03:39

The tutor is a uni student, he got all A*s at a level so I'd expect him to know if DS was struggling in their sessions (I do listen in, and he doesn't seem to be when they're going over past papers etc).

DS knows I've been crying, he's cried too. It's been a really horrible evening for both of us.

I agree with Floozy.

Peekingduck Thu 30-Jan-14 22:05:40

It's most likely that your son's tutor is wrong. Have your son's school been keeping you in the picture re his attainment and progress over the years? What did they predict for his GCSE results? What I'm saying is, is this a surprise to the school (in which case what's their answer and what are they going to do to help him) or is it a situation that you and they would have expected.
Results of GCSE mocks shouldn't really be such a huge shock. If they are the school isn't doing it's job correctly.
Try not to let your son see how upset you are though, it's not going to help to put that pressure on him.

i agree with floozey, actually. exams are not the be all and end all. do they make him anxious? i found them incredibly stressful, despite not being the most stupid person in the world hmm.

carlywurly Thu 30-Jan-14 22:06:29

I vividly remember my maths teacher telling my parents I'd be lucky to get a d. I got an a. As I did in virtually everything else.

Are they trying to shock him into working harder for some reason?
Try not to worry.

brokenpurpleheart Thu 30-Jan-14 22:08:07

A University student will not be able to give accurate grades for school. Only someone with lots of training can do that - marking is very specific and there are subtleties that only a subject specific teacher can help with

twentyten Thu 30-Jan-14 22:08:27

Sounds like you could do with a teacher as a tutor. Doing it and teaching it are different things. Your poor ds. Value him for who he is.

shockedandupset Thu 30-Jan-14 22:08:37

The school he goes to now isn't great - the grades he got put him in the top half of the top ability group in every subject. So the standard is low.

He wants to go to uni, and needs to go to a different 6th form. Other 6th forms in the area insist on A/A* in the subjects to be studied at A level.

He has a tutor because I wanted to give him the best advantage of achieving top grades. I thought it might push him from A to A*...

Chippednailvarnish Thu 30-Jan-14 22:08:57

A uni student is not qualified to give an opinion on what grades your DS might get.
If I were you I would try and enrol him in a crammer revision course at Easter.

DrCoconut Thu 30-Jan-14 22:09:29

Bloody hell, I was elated that DS is now predicted a C, a D and an E in his GCSE's. Prior to this term it was U's all round. Round here you only need C's to get onto A levels (unless it is an exceptionally over subscribed subject perhaps). DS will be going the vocational route so he only really needs the key GCSE's, which are his weakest. Don't let your son feel like a failure. Even if he outright fails the lot there are options. Yes it is easier to sail straight through but not the end of the world if you don't.

ageofgrandillusion Thu 30-Jan-14 22:09:35

I feel sorry for the poor kid. Seeing his mother crying like a petulant child just because he didnt get the results she wanted him to get cant have been a v pleasant experience. Jeeeeeez.

fairylightsatchristmas Thu 30-Jan-14 22:11:05

hmm. I'm a secondary teacher with over a decade of experience. Kids usually do do badly in mocks because they don't put the effort into revision but any good teacher would put the mock mark into context and say it was 2 grades down (or whatever) on what their general standard is. I wouldn't expect a prediction to be based on the mock alone. I think you have to talk to your son about what he thinks about his mock grades, what he hopes to achieve in the summer and what his marks have been like through out the course. What was his summer report like? On what is his tutor basing his/her predictions on? There IS time to turn things around so don't despair, but you need to get pro-active NOW. Talk to your son, his head of year and the tutor. Have clear goals and expectations for each 1/2 term between now and the exams, and work out what your son needs to move onto whatever his next step post 16 is. Frankly he DOES need B or above in at least some subjects if he wants to pursue any ongoing academic study, less perhaps if he is going down the vocational route. If you (and he) do not have high expectations he has little hope of succeeding, but they have to be achievable and focused expectations, not vague expressions of "hopes". Good luck x

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