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AIBU?

Is my new boyfriend weird/tight about money?

99 replies

laalmond · 23/01/2014 21:11

...or am I just being a grumpy cow?
We have been together for five and a half months. We have a great time together, I do love him and he loves me. He recently had to close his cafe and so is now looking for work. He was not really making much to begin with. That never bothered me.
I am a single mum, self employed and on a very low wage. We share the bills when we go out.
He is loving, cooks for me, has fixed stuff in the house, very, very generous in the bedroom. Perfect right?
There are the odd tiny things that bother me, but I can't tell if I'm being too money focused or intolerant about it all.
He says he's going to do things and never does..e.g buy a book I wanted for Christmas, said he had ordered it, but obviously never did. Don't really care about the lack of Xmas present, more that he lied.

He comes round twice a week, does the cooking, but always empty handed. I know I'm starting to sound like a nit picking cow, but I'm trying to feed myself and two kids here..times are tight. I wouldn't dream of going to his without a little something. I'm not expecting him to turn up with tonnes of food, but every now and again, something would be nice. It's more about the attitude than the "stuff"
He will take some sausages out of my freezer so he doesn't have to go to the shop on the way home. Again, I know, who gives a shit about sausages, but they were for the kids dinner.
I, of course am saying nothing, being nice and just venting on the internet. Great.
He really doesn't have any money now, I know that, but it feels like he thinks I have endless supplies of food. He has asked me for money once, I gave him a tenner.
When I went for lunch at his cafe, he charged me full whack, the waitress was really surprised.

I think I just need some perspective please. I know he is struggling, but he has enough to go to the pub once a week...

OP posts:
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Coldlightofday · 23/01/2014 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IHaveSeenMyHat · 23/01/2014 21:13

I think he sounds pretty tight, yep.

I mean, nicking sausages out of your freezer to take home is taking the piss.

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PumpkinPositive · 23/01/2014 21:14

Again, I know, who gives a shit about sausages, but they were for the kids dinner.

In those circumstances, I would definitely give a shit!

Have you broached the subject with him?

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MrsMaryCooper · 23/01/2014 21:16

We are comfortable financially. If DH (or anyone) removed food earmarked for the kids I would go nuclear. It is not the money but it fucks with my meal planning and sometimes there isn't anything else in the house that DS will eat.

He's not great.

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LEMmingaround · 23/01/2014 21:16

I hope he isn't going to turn out to be a cock lodger

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laalmond · 23/01/2014 21:16

I said one night how I dislike tight people, but no. I'm being a chicken. I will bring it up. I think I just needed to get it clear in my head first.

OP posts:
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RandyRudolf · 23/01/2014 21:16

He has a few cocklodgery traits.

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MarjoryStewartBaxter · 23/01/2014 21:16

Sorry OP, he sounds like a right tight arse Sad

And I'd care about the sausages, I'd be frigging fuming!

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MaxPepsi · 23/01/2014 21:17

He's taking the piss!

Taking something from the cupboard/fridge would be ok just. But from the freezer???

And as for charging his own girlfriend full price in his cafe, words fail me!

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Fifyfomum · 23/01/2014 21:18

No you aren't being ridiculous, he is behaving terribly. Charging you full price in his own cafe?

I wouldn't stand for it.

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Coldlightofday · 23/01/2014 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cheminotte · 23/01/2014 21:19

I don't think you are being weird. Sounds very one-sided to me. You are paying for him and he charges you full price at his cafe.

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RandyRudolf · 23/01/2014 21:19

Find an opportunity to borrow a couple of quid from him and then see if he asks for it back. I'm talking say £2 here, for parking or to because you're short of change etc. He's probably keeping tabs.

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VelvetSpoon · 23/01/2014 21:19

Bollocks to struggling. He's a single man with no dependents. What's he doing about looking for work? Is he really making an effort or just going through the motions?

He has absolutely no right taking your food - it would be a different thing if either you did the same when you went to his, or if you did a joint shop (paid for equally) or whatever. But this very much sounds to me like a cocklodger in the making.

I'd bin him off, I have no interest in supporting any man financially. If you're not ready to do that, just be on your guard and under no circumstances let him move in, even temporarily (because it won't be, and once he gets his feet under the table, it'll be much harder to get rid!)

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MsVestibule · 23/01/2014 21:19

This would bother me. If he has money to go to the pub every week (at least a tenner, I would think), he can afford to buy his own food. If he tries to take something again, just ask him to put it back, saying "That's for our tea tomorrow".

The book thing is just a bit weird Confused. Did you ask him about it?

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Mandala72 · 23/01/2014 21:20

Yes. The sausages did make me feel odd. Oh shit. Never heard the term cocklodger before. Made me laugh. Then sad.

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OpalQuartz · 23/01/2014 21:22

No that would annoy me too and When I went for lunch at his cafe, he charged me full whack Shock

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stickysausages · 23/01/2014 21:23

Dump him. Sorry OP

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SparklyTwinkleGlitter · 23/01/2014 21:24

He doesn't sound much of a catch to me. :-/

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CoffeeTea103 · 23/01/2014 21:24

Yanbu, it's good that you've spotted this early on. In fact he should think that you're a single mum with 2 kids and should not be taking food off you.
I think he does things like cook the food to disguise the fact that he isn't really providing anything.
It would be good to speak to Him about it though.

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squoosh · 23/01/2014 21:25

Sounds as tight as a duck's bum I'm afraid. Yes he may have very limited funds but that's not really an excuse for his taking from you and never really giving back.

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RandyRudolf · 23/01/2014 21:26

How is he with the kids?

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Mandala72 · 23/01/2014 21:26

Thanks all. I will talk to him about it. God I wish I could text it instead.

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Iwannalaylikethisforever · 23/01/2014 21:26

He needs to get some bloody self respect.
Don't let him take yours.
Get rid.

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NearTheWindmill · 23/01/2014 21:27

If he's this tight at the wooing stage God help you at the so close we don't need to try any more stage. My DH hhad very mean parents and has some penny pinching traits but he doesn't lie and he wouldn't take the children's food fromn the freezer to take away. That's a bit tricky because he will eat the last cake for a lunch box without thinking but I don't think he realises.

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