to have DD christened without telling ExH?

(66 Posts)
KingRollo Wed 22-Jan-14 20:17:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Polyethyl Wed 22-Jan-14 20:26:30

I'd christen her. No question in my mind at all.
You believe. You want to christen her. You are the her carer. It's a lovely celebration. It helps her get into the education you want for her. She gets given lots of lovely presents. Sod your ex - just do it.

(And perhaps she might grow up a believer too.)

Mishmashfamily Wed 22-Jan-14 20:28:45

Myself and dp are talking about this at the moment. Neither of us practise religion .

We want dd to go to a small church school, classes are very small but you have to be christened. I think we are going to go ahead and do it.

It would be on the quite , no family invited.

Regarding telling your ex, I would run it past him again, talk about the schooling, if he says no, I'd do it any way and not tell him.

Can he actually find out?

BadChat25 Wed 22-Jan-14 20:29:04

Does he have any contact at all? Contribute financially? If he does I don't think I could go ahead with it. If he doesn't then do whatever you want to do.

amyshellfish Wed 22-Jan-14 20:29:21

It's hardly minutiae of her life whether to get her christened.. It should be her decision when she is old enough not yours or his.

Mishmashfamily Wed 22-Jan-14 20:29:22

Quiet !

KingRollo Wed 22-Jan-14 20:30:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2tiredtocare Wed 22-Jan-14 20:31:50

Babies get christened and then can decide whether to be confirmed as adults Amy

RandomMess Wed 22-Jan-14 20:32:59

You can opt out of paying the church the money, it's just no common practice to do so. Realistically will she still be in Germany as an adult?

KingRollo Wed 22-Jan-14 20:33:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BadChat25 Wed 22-Jan-14 20:33:52

Amy Just because you are christened doesn't mean you have to accept the religion as your own when you are old enough to make the choice.

I was christened yet class myself as an atheist.

BadChat25 Wed 22-Jan-14 20:34:42

What someone else pays his maintenance for him.

To hell with that, make the decision that you think will benefit DD and her education the most.

KingRollo Wed 22-Jan-14 20:35:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

harticus Wed 22-Jan-14 20:35:18

I wouldn't do it.
Whatever you feel about your ex he is still her father and needs to be involved in decisions like this.

(Still gobsmacked by the idea of church tax in Germany....)

BadChat25 Wed 22-Jan-14 20:36:06

Oh wait a minute, is this the guy who's mum has financial control over another member of the family's account? Or something to that effect?

KingRollo Wed 22-Jan-14 20:36:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KingRollo Wed 22-Jan-14 20:37:11

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BadChat25 Wed 22-Jan-14 20:37:36

Yes I remember reading that like shock

The fact you aren't actually doing it for religious reasons as such I would say go for it.

FortyDoorsToNowhere Wed 22-Jan-14 20:38:19

From my pov is I don't believe any baby should be christened it should be up to them to decide.

amyshellfish Wed 22-Jan-14 20:39:02

Who is to say she will be ignorant and blinkered? It's possible to be educated without being indoctrinated.

KingRollo Wed 22-Jan-14 20:42:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NatashaBee Wed 22-Jan-14 20:45:08

I was all set to say that really, if one parent is religious and the other isn't, it seems fairer that the child is christened/baptized/whatever according to the religious parents wishes since it's probably more important to them that it's done, than to the the non-believing parent that the child not be brought up in a religion. If DH wanted DS christened, I would be happy for it to go ahead. But you don't believe either - it seems fairer just to leave it and let her decide when she's older. I can see your difficulty with the access to Kindergarten though.

morethanpotatoprints Wed 22-Jan-14 20:55:30

I think if you believe and you are going to be responsible for her religious education i.e taking her to church then why not.
Your ex has nothing to do with her and as her carer it is up to you how you raise your child.
If he had an active role then I would suggest you telling him of your decision, but as he doesn't seem to then you owe him nothing.
I think the only people that anybody objects to are the none faith christening children with no intention of following the faith, just to try and get dc into a better school, the hypocrite type.

amyshellfish Wed 22-Jan-14 20:55:49

If my dh wanted our child christened I would fight harder for it not to happen. Your ex is equally her parent even if you don't like it. He should have a say as well.

soundevenfruity Wed 22-Jan-14 20:59:35

But he will find out anyway as soon as she gets into kiga. Are there any non-negotiables a on your side that he can do on a sly?

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