This has really upset me and I can't think of any acceptable reason why its unreasonable to be upset

(20 Posts)
IneedAsockamnesty Sat 28-Dec-13 08:42:01

Because dad and I are good friends (no traditional relationship in the first place so no animosity) and the parents of the cousin and I are also good friends,a treat on the grandparents is something that would be talked about ( in a pleased was not in a gossipy way).

And the grandparents and I also talk about lots of things to do with all the kids they are also quite fond of telling me about how cousins dad takes up none of there energy (in a help me out way) where as dad is a bit hopeless about certain things and takes up a lot.

pixiepotter Sat 28-Dec-13 08:10:06

if you are not even with their dad any more , i dont understand how you can know so much about what the grandfather does for the cousin during the year ?

GinnelsandWhippets Sat 28-Dec-13 07:50:15

Ask them why and point out that it's cruel. It's the most direct way of letting them know it's a. been noticed and b. not acceptable.

HissymasJumper Sat 28-Dec-13 07:43:20

Yanbu.

Some people truly baffle me with their meanness.

Absolutely bring this up!

No mre christmas day visits! Why should that mean old bastard get the reward of a visit so he can do that to his GC.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 28-Dec-13 03:36:42

Bohemian

No chance what so ever, not on any level at all could they possibly even think that with regard to my two but possible with half sibling (if they do think it about half sibling its misguided) .if anything I would expect them to feel that way about the cousin as any levelling up that may be needed would be most obviously in cousins favour if levelling was intended.

As to how they treat the dads I had the impression they much preferred the cousins dad but perhaps they dislike both dads equally

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 28-Dec-13 03:24:09

Just to clarify further all 4 gc's are children (under 10's) and all are biological gc's so this is not a step gc being left out thing.

I'm going to ask them why, even if they decide they hate me and I'm rude so bloody what I'm also going to make damn clear that my kids are not going to be part of this cruelty.

BohemianGirl Sat 28-Dec-13 03:20:40

Are the GPS misguidedly levelling up in another area? EG the brother only has one child, therefore all his time effort and income is investing in his one child, who may have had some ultra expensive christmas presents - and the GPS think you don't have that standard of investment and income in three children, therefore they are overcompensating and 'spoiling' yours?

Out of curiosity - are DP and his brother treated equally? Or is there a marked difference between them?

CustardoPaidforIDSsYFronts Sat 28-Dec-13 03:11:38

no its not fair, my in laws have done this to my children all their life

they bought 2 of my adult children a box of (£2.50) roses and not my third grown up child - i couldn't get my head around it .

this was a couple of xmases ago and i confronted them about it 2 days later - I am really not a confrontational person in real life - i stew, i bitch to dh about his shitty family, and then i go down the 'be a better person' route

but after a lifetime of showering their other DCs with gifts whilst leaving mine out whilst they were growing up, i'm afraid the fact that they couldn't be FUCKED to pay £2.50 for a box of roses tpped me over the edge

23 years it took

this year MIL said pointedly " i always said i wouldnt buy for them when they are over 18, but they have a big tin each OK DIL!"

and i am now kicking myself for not shoving them down her fat fucking throat for not saying " don't buy any - thats fine, just don't buy two when you have three grandchildren"

i dont understand people like this - my kids spent all their lives watchign their cousins ride around in battery powered cars, new bikes etc - when they got shit all.

who does that?

dont wait 23 years - tell them they are utter cunts

AmIthatTinselly Sat 28-Dec-13 03:10:52

Thanks for the explanation

And yes YANBU Poor wee soul, the cousin.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 28-Dec-13 03:07:54

I think the half sibling is the OP's DH's child from a previous relationship. This child and the OP's own two children appear to have been showered with gifts while their cousin only got one, of comparatively poor quality. I think the comparison was drawn between the cousin and the OP's DSC because they are similar in age, but actually all the children got lots of gifts apart from the cousin

Pretty much,only dad and I are not together.

Thank fully the children that are mine are far to young to even notice (half sibling and cousin are not to young to notice) but no way am I ever going to allow my children to ever witness such a thing again.when they are old enough to understand I don't want them to think such behaviour is ok

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 28-Dec-13 02:58:21

No financial back story at all and no activities funded.

Jinsei Sat 28-Dec-13 02:57:27

I think the half sibling is the OP's DH's child from a previous relationship. This child and the OP's own two children appear to have been showered with gifts while their cousin only got one, of comparatively poor quality. I think the comparison was drawn between the cousin and the OP's DSC because they are similar in age, but actually all the children got lots of gifts apart from the cousin.

Poor kid. sad

TheZeeTeam Sat 28-Dec-13 02:48:37

I would also be inclined to think they probably gave some money earlier in the year. Dd got a very small present from Mil this year as she has paid for her riding lessons. I don't know why, she just insists on it.

AmIthatTinselly Sat 28-Dec-13 02:41:22

I'm not quite following who the half sibling is. Is it the DC of your DH, but not you. Do you have two DCs together <think this would make up the 4>

do you think your DH's other (first?) DC is getting more than everyone else?

Regardless of the answers to the above, though, YANBU. Children should be treated equally

Jinsei Sat 28-Dec-13 02:40:54

And depending on their response, I might be inclined to decline any gifts from them in future.

This isn't only upsetting for the poor cousin. I should think it must be quite awkward for your own kids. My dd would be heartbroken if her grandparents treated her beloved cousin so shoddily!

BohemianGirl Sat 28-Dec-13 02:39:17

Unless there is a massive back story that you dont know about. Did the GPs give the other brother money earlier in the year? Have they paid for sports subscriptions or music lessons?

I have absolutely no idea, but my IL's do this to my DC. Hence why we don't go there on Christmas Day.

There can be no justification for it or understanding of it because to all but the people doing it it is never ok.

Poor kid.

NatashaBee Sat 28-Dec-13 02:38:30

YANBU. It's shit. My mother bought DS a gift but didn't buy anything for DSD, she will be getting a Strongly Worded Email when I've calmed down. Buy for all or buy for none.

Jinsei Sat 28-Dec-13 02:37:56

YANBU at all. I'd be tempted to ask the grandparents if they meant it to look so unfair!

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 28-Dec-13 02:32:15

Its taken me a few hours to sort this out in my own head but I can't so I need to get it off my chest.

I've just taken my kids to see grandparents,these gp's have 4 gc's my kids dad is the dad of 3 of them and another son is dad of the other gc.

My kids half sibling is almost the same age as the cousin.

So 3 have a massive pile of gifts each and not of the cheap just lots type and the cousin has ONE gift. All gifts are from gp's not other people.

Thought this was odd until cousin opened the gift and saw it was a tablet said to myself 'oh that explains it'

But then yet another gift was produced and handed to half sibling and that was also a tablet only a bigger,better branded higher spec one. So not only did one have the massive pile of expensive gifts (about 20ish) but also got a much better tablet than the cousins only gift.

There is no even things up,thing going on as none of the kids are going without elsewhere neither do any have more family who get for them ( well obviously they do have other family but I meant more than each other so its not that the cousin has extra relatives that the others don't have even if they are not the same ones).

On what planet is it ok to do this to a child who is old enough to notice, and why if your going to be a git and do it would you make it so damn obvious if your going to leave one out and have such a huge discrepancy why do it in front of the left out one.

Heartless and cruel. And I'm angry about it even tho the child is not mine.

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