to be angry and sad that BIL and SIL got DN NOTHING for Christmas

(82 Posts)
rainyrainrain Fri 27-Dec-13 21:11:08

BIL and SIL have DNiece4 and DNephew10. DH sorted out presents from us for their children this year as he had something specific he wanted to give them, it was not a toy though, more a practical thing. He had it sent directly to their house.
DH was talking to SIL an the phone earlier and asked her what they had got Dniece for Christmas. (Dnephew got a laptop 2 weeks before Christmas as his present.)
SIL was apparently a bit evasive and then said they didn't get her anything as she(SIL) 'forgot' and "DN didn't want anything anyway' ! DH was shocked and told her so, she then she said they went shopping yesterday and she got her a Hello Kitty bag.

I'm gobsmacked and angry and sad for the girl.
To clarify: they are of a religion and from a country that celebrates Christmas and does presents.They had a tree up so its not like they ignored Christmas completely.
They have enough money. I unfortunately get to be the one to help them with official documents, applications and the like so I know they have a fair bit of disposable income every month(more than we have).
They have form for being a bit weird in all sorts of ways and pretty much any toy DN has has been from us, same with pens and crafty stuff.But I really never expected that they would get her nothing at all!

Dniece goes to preschool so I assume there was a fair bit of Santa and presents talk in the run up to christmas(at least there was in my daughter's preschool) and the children will talk about what they got for Christmas when they go back.
And the poor little thing got NOTHING from Santa or her parents and a not very exciting present from her uncle.

DH is taking our relatives to the airport tomorrow and said he was going to drop by their house on the way home.
So after picking my jaw off the floor at the sheer thoughtlessness of her parents I went down my local high street before the shops closed and got the girl some presents. They are now wrapped up and the story is that Santa accidentally dropped them off at our house when he delivered DD's presents.

mistermakersgloopyglue Fri 27-Dec-13 21:14:08

What?! That is horrible, especially as they got their ds a laptop.

Some people are weird.

escape Fri 27-Dec-13 21:14:16

I don't understand - so they on't really celebrate Xmas then? I mean, their kids won't have been going to bed on the 24th expecting Santa to come in the night ?

HarryTheHungryHippo Fri 27-Dec-13 21:15:52

Yanbu how sad

BohemianGirl Fri 27-Dec-13 21:17:01

So after picking my jaw off the floor at the sheer thoughtlessness of her parents I went down my local high street before the shops closed and got the girl some presents. They are now wrapped up and the story is that Santa accidentally dropped them off at our house when he delivered DD's presents

None of your business how other families conduct their life. I think you are bang out of order. Neither child got anything Christmas day. So one was not being marginalised. You have no right to undermine their parenting

RandyRudolf Fri 27-Dec-13 21:17:53

Or perhaps they're raising their children not to buy into this consumer culture. Who knows!

stgeorgiaandthedragon Fri 27-Dec-13 21:17:54

But he got the laptop 2 weeks before Christmas. It wasn't exactly a present.

Some people don't, it doesn't mean they are stingy or cruel parents! I will never understand this mass hysteria over Christmas. Spend too much, spend too little, Santa or no Santa, who to buy for, what to buy for them?

Some people do stuff differently, it does NOT make them bad people, bad parents or weird or odd. It makes them different, yes, but that isn't a bad thing!

formerbabe Fri 27-Dec-13 21:17:57

I have a relative like this...got her kids a CD as their xmas pressie to share whilst doing her supermarket shop with them in tow weeks before Christmas...sad.

CSIJanner Fri 27-Dec-13 21:18:46

I think OP points out that DNephew got a laptop just before Christmas which was his Christmas present. It may not have been on the 25th, but it was his Christmas gift.

CheckedPjs Fri 27-Dec-13 21:20:03

So after picking my jaw off the floor at the sheer thoughtlessness of her parents I went down my local high street before the shops closed and got the girl some presents. They are now wrapped up and the story is that Santa accidentally dropped them off at our house when he delivered DD's presents

If none of them got anything Christmas Day it's a bit unfair to the other kid that she's going to get something and he's not :/

Then again how can you "forget" to buy your children Christmas presents

stgeorgiaandthedragon Fri 27-Dec-13 21:20:51

But chances are they will have bought their DD plenty throughout the year.

I find it sad people find it sad, I really do. I find child abuse, cruelty, neglect, sad, I really can't get worked up about loved and cared for children not getting presents on a particular day on the calendar. That is the business of the parents to decide what works for their family according to their beliefs and their outlook.

mistermakersgloopyglue Fri 27-Dec-13 21:21:15

Have they bought her gifts on previous christmases?

mistermakersgloopyglue Fri 27-Dec-13 21:29:34

Oh come on stgeorgia I am really not up for the whole spending ridiculous amounts of money at Xmas either, but you have to admit that it's a bit mean to buy your own daughter absolutely nothing to wake up to on Xmas morning because you 'forgot'. Especially if you live in a place/go to school in a place where father Christmas etc is talked about and kids get excited etc.

What are they like as parents normally op?

revivingsnowshower Fri 27-Dec-13 21:30:51

Well if they were doing it on purpose for some reason eg no-one gets presents to prevent it being a materialistic day but maybe they do something else to make it special that is fair enough. They would have thought it through and made it fair to all in the family. I can respect that. But to just forget seems a bit thoughtless of the dd. Do the parents have some problems though, you mention filling in forms for them.

Rowlers Fri 27-Dec-13 21:33:03

Sounds very sad to me.
And I also think that this "it's none of your business" stuff is not realistic. Are we not allowed to wonder about, question and discuss such issues? Why not?

Lighthousekeeping Fri 27-Dec-13 21:37:21

Are you sure it's not cultural? I know with a lot of my Christian friends from other countries the celebration is going to church and having friends/family over to eat and drink and dance. Presents don't come into it, it took me awhile to get my head around it but I don't think it's that unusual.

FariesDoExist Fri 27-Dec-13 21:42:58

Well there must be more to this story. Their son is 10, what have they done in previous years for him?

I'm surprised that you are so angry and sad about it though, presents aren't everything, maybe their DD already has everything she needs. I bet they are mortified that you took presents round from Santa.

rainyrainrain Fri 27-Dec-13 21:43:14

Well, I was wondering if I was being unreasonable I suppose.I could just forget about the presents and keep them here, or maybe not say they are from Santa but from us?

I have quizzed Dh about the whole thing because I don't really understand it myself and he says when they lived in a different country 'Santa' did leave presents so the concept is not alien to them.

The older son got the laptop as his Christmas present, no idea why they gave it to him early and they got the two things from DH on the day.
She would not have got stuff throughout the year, as I said most stuff she has have been gifts from us.SIL doesn't buy her books for example because 'DN can't read them anyway'. hmm

I'm not really hysterical over Christmas, I don't think you have to spend a lot of money to make it nice for your children. I just felt sad thinking that she will have talked about this stuff at pre school and the other children will talk about it and she will feel left out.

As for raising them to be non materialistic, I wish that was the case but all SIL talks about is phones and handbags and clothes and stuff so that is definitely not it.

FariesDoExist Fri 27-Dec-13 21:43:56

I also think its not really your business what presents they did or didn't give

rainyrainrain Fri 27-Dec-13 21:45:22

We haven't taken the presents yet. I just thought of that when Dh said he was going there tomorrow. Maybe we shouldn't take them then.

stgeorgiaandthedragon Fri 27-Dec-13 21:46:53

You see, I just don't think it is mean - i think it is deliberate, but not mean. I know a couple who are Jehovah's witnesses, and they do not celebrate Christmas. I am not religious and I love Christmas, but I respect their right not to participate, however people have been muttering about them being 'cruel' and 'poor kids.'

I just think its a shame people have to make Christmas so important - I mean, if YOU want to, for YOUR family, absolutely, but don't assume everyone is the same and that the children will suffer.

We used to go abroad at Christmas and get presents when we got home and even that elicited mutterings about "poor children, not having anything to open ..." We were away skiing, we were spoilt rotten as kids!

FariesDoExist Fri 27-Dec-13 21:47:07

I don't think you are being unreasonable to wonder about how differently people celebrate but I do think you are projecting your feelings about how Christmas should be onto them. Leave them to it I'm sure the girl isn't as upset as you think.

phantomnamechanger Fri 27-Dec-13 21:47:08

are you absolutely sure they did not decide to give her the gift YOU had sent, as being from them?
did they do gifts for each other/other relatives and just assume the kids would have enough without needing more?

I don't get this sort of favouritism within families at all - at 4 a couple of bits from the £1 shop would have seemed like magic sad

NigellasDealer Fri 27-Dec-13 21:47:09

perhaps the country they are from values girls less.
i have my own thoughts about which country that might be - better not say here. - but i fear it may be the same country as my ex.

Euphemia Fri 27-Dec-13 21:49:12

I don't think you should take them - it's meddling. And especially don't say they're from Santa - I refer you to the thread where someone's PIL tried to do that!

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