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AIBU about makeup gift to 8yo DD?

(94 Posts)
stoopstofolly Fri 27-Dec-13 16:27:04

Just that really. Can't decide if I'm being precious or not. MIL bought DD (8) a MASSIVE makeup set. It's aimed at grown ups- black eye liners, red lipstick, dark nail varnishes. And it's MASSIVE (it's more makeup than I possess in total!). DD thrilled. However, I hate makeup on young girls. I'm not even that keen on them dressing up in it- especially as this stuff needs industrial strength makeup remover to shift it! I've said she cannot wear it out of the house, and needs to ask me before playing with it- otherwise I can imagine the trauma 10 mins before we're due to leave the house. School don't even allow clear varnish so she won't be wearing "vamp red" to school.
TBH I'm just peeved. We've had 3 rows about it already, her eyes are red from all the makeup remover and I just think it's an inappropriate present for an eight year old.
However, MIL and DD seem to think I'm unreasonable....

shebird Sat 28-Dec-13 16:26:49

I hate make up on little girls and teens and I often point out to my DD 9 how silly these girls look with orange faces and big spidery lashes. But I don't understand the anti make up brigade on MN.I like to wear a little make up every day for work and going out. It hides my dark circles and makes me look less haggard. I'm not really bothered about navel gazing into the deeper reasons women feel the need to wear make up. The fact is I look better with it in the same way I look better when I brush my hair.

Caboodle Sat 28-Dec-13 16:01:29

Hum....a shame to chuck pressie from MiL, especially as you seem to have one of the (rarely seen) nice ones, but yuk. Has DD got one of those large doll's heads with hair (Girl's World? Am showing my age I know)? Could she use it on that? Then, once bored, gift can 'disappear'?

needaholidaynow Sat 28-Dec-13 02:31:18

All that cheap crap must make her skin all red and itchy! I hate those giant makeup sets from argos etc.. Bad enough for an 8 year old girl to use, but what adult would choose to go and get one for themselves? Hope she's not used any mascara/ eyeliner yet! Cheap shit will just make her eyes sore.

nooka Sat 28-Dec-13 02:17:00

My dd was given a set of make up when she was a similar age. I told her it was completely inappropriate and threw it away. She was very angry "you're not the boss of me!". I said that on the contrary I was indeed in charge and that there would be no make up going on for many years yet. The storm blew over in a day or so and she didn't express any great new desire for make up as a result.

She is now 13 and does not wear make up still. I cannot see any need as she is beautiful just as she is, and her friends that wear make up look much the worse for it. Every now and then she gets a make over from someone which generally she puts up with, but she is into being nerdy right now and so interesting t-shirts is about as dressy as she gets.

10/11 years olds should not be wearing foundation! Children have wonderful skin that should be left well alone. Generally the same is true for adults in my opinion. Make up for artistic effect can be great fun, but I didn't want my little girl getting into training for what I consider to be totally unnecessary expensive time wasting 'beauty' routines.

FrankAndFurt Sat 28-Dec-13 01:26:47

What a naff gift. It's a shame not all MILs and 8 year old girls read Mumsnet! They just think its a fun gift and don't understand why it's so naff.

If I were you, I would let her enjoy it but would ask that she use it under some sort of supervision. Let her play with it but don't let her go out with makeup on.

I would thank your MIL for the gift and tell her, that whilst you appreciate the present, that can she not buy it in future. I don't see this as that bad really. It's naff but it's not awful.

Heartbrokenmum73 Sat 28-Dec-13 01:09:16

I'm more concerned with girls who can properly apply foundation/concealer etc by 11 or 12.

What the fuck? DD has no idea either of these things even exist, never mind how to apply them!

She has never heard of The Body Shop either - long may all this continue.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Sat 28-Dec-13 01:06:21

And fwiw my four year old regularly colours his face in with my deep red lipstick, it comes off very easily with a bit of olive oil. He even used permanent marker once which came off with baby shampoo.

Heartbrokenmum73 Sat 28-Dec-13 01:04:29

Make up and fashion are worn by women and girls to fit in with other women.

Depressingly, this is true. But I'm teaching DD to be herself, not a sheep. And she's a proper little individual. Likes One Direction, but prefers David Bowie and Kate Bush (neither of which were my choices), can't stand Justin Beiber or Miley Cyrus - she sees both for the jumped-up little idiots that they are!

She also has major crushes on Slash, Rob Brydon and Peter Capaldi.

She is made of awesome grin

Heartbrokenmum73 Sat 28-Dec-13 01:01:24

Why does the stage make-up argument always come up in these threads? All this 'oh, they must wear make-up or you won't be able to see them under the harsh stage lighting' bullshit.

And it is bullshit. DD did a week-long professional production last summer, with other children. In a proper theatre, with proper lighting.

They didn't put a shred of make-up on any of the children (I know because I checked beforehand and because there wasn't a trace of it on DD afterwards). It wasn't deemed necessary for the kids.

Guess what? They were all perfectly visible on stage and no one disappeared!

DD is now 12 and in Y7. She likes nail varnish (but not for school) and very occasionally a bit of lip gloss. Otherwise she leaves her face alone and looks like a 12 year-old, freckles and all.

She hates the older girls who turn up at school with a full face on, whether it's subtle or not - it still looks like a face full of slap on a young girl.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Sat 28-Dec-13 01:01:19

Lets be honest here. All thats going to happen is she will spend a few days making herself look hideous (because she is 8 and has no clue about make up) and will be so put off by continuously failing to achieve a good look tht she'll get bored and move on to something else. After seeing herself in the mirror for the first tome she will be far to mortified to even venture past the front door to let anyone see it.

In other words, calm down. The more of a fuss you create the more of an issue it will be. Act like it's no problem at all and she wont see there is anything to think about and will get bored very quickly, just as if it were a glittery pink shit one.

I do have to laugh at the logic of being ok with the glittery shit but not darker stuff. One is just the training set for the other, your MIL has just taken out the middle man an if you dont react it could well be doing you a favour by putting your pre teen off make up for far longer than the glittery shit would (beause of the hideousness of the outcome on her face)

NoComet Sat 28-Dec-13 00:50:38

Make up and fashion are worn by women and girls to fit in with other women.

No boy would bully you for obeying the school rules as to make up and uniform, but DD1 has had some nasty comments from her female peers.

NoComet Sat 28-Dec-13 00:47:51

And it's pointless putting in make up to look 'sexy' as 90% of men wouldn't notice and 60% don't look above your chest

Coldlightofday Fri 27-Dec-13 22:27:25

Feminism has nothing to do with not valuing femininity.

But that is for another debate, I think.

Snowdown Fri 27-Dec-13 22:23:12

Wearing make up doesn't make children adults - wearing heeled dress up shoes doesn't either. Are we not a bit guilty of over thinking this issue?

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob Fri 27-Dec-13 22:13:34

The thing is Women wear make up, Men don't. I would rather children remained children as long as they can.

Snowdown Fri 27-Dec-13 21:52:29

I think it's up to you as a parent to allow and encourage your dc to be the best they can be. My friend at Uni was lop sided - vy academic, very successful in her career but she did not feel like a woman and that was the first time I confronted the negative side of pushing feminism to the extreme, valuing nothing feminine. She was very sad and incomplete.

Rosencrantz Fri 27-Dec-13 21:50:58

Bin it and get her a kids one, of shit play makeup?

Coldlightofday Fri 27-Dec-13 21:47:51

But snowdon the overwhelming pressure in society for girls (and boys, but we're talking about girls here) is to conform to a very narrow 'norm'. I think it is up to me as parent to guide my DS through this - yes, I want him to find himself, but that's a tough call in the midst of society as it is right now.

Yeah strawberry - I phrased that badly. I didn't mean sexy - I meant 'normal' (which often translates as 'attractive' in society, I think)

Snowdown Fri 27-Dec-13 21:39:03

Is she going to spend years applying make up and nothing else OP, I think she can play, read and do sport while wearing make up or am I missing something?
Jeez I don't even like make up but I do think this is a load of fuss over nothing. Are you trying to keep children young, trying to protect them from growing up - make up is the blame - really? If your dc had a desire to grow up before her time, make up is not going to make much difference.

There is coldlightofday I agree completely, but i just wanted to point out that applying make up isn't always about wanting to look sexy. There is only one man I want to look sexy for and it isn't with a full face of slap more often than not he finds me more attractive in my natural state (total mess) building Lego grin

Snowdown Fri 27-Dec-13 21:33:31

And I am as far away from being pink and well groomed as you'll get but make up and pink are my dd's thing. I will not project my feelings of gender onto her, it's the way she feels and the way she expresses herself and as far as I'm concerned it's not right to tell her she is wrong. If she was a tomboy and refused to wear skirts etc people here would scream at me if I told her she was wrong to express herself in the masculine sense. Let your dd find herself for who she is, you meddle you risk an imbalance...she'll rebel or she back away in fear - neither are good for her.

stoopstofolly Fri 27-Dec-13 21:29:28

Some really interesting points here. Thanks for all the thoughtful comments. I know the makeup was only supposed to be a bit of fun, but I'd rather she spent her last few years as a child doing sport or reading or playing.... doing anything other than learning how to beautify herself and mimicking adulthood. I won't remove the makeup but I will discourage its use (and remove the black eyeliner!)

Coldlightofday Fri 27-Dec-13 21:28:37

And that's my point really strawberry - there's a convention about 'normal' isn't there? And I'm not demonising make up - it's just important to me to think about why I'm doing stuff.

It's okay grin I suppose I want to look 'normal' however that may be a little difficult as my partner and I aren't exactly on the usual normal scale. I often go through a variety of hair colours with piercings and tattoos, my partner is long haired and very heavily tattooed grin

Snowdown Fri 27-Dec-13 21:20:47

I knew a girl a university she was very clever, very funny but she never felt comfortable being a woman and she so desperately wanted to but she spent her life focusing on learning, dismissing the superficial things like make up and fashion - she never felt attractive - clever yes and loved by her boyfriend who eventually became her dh but she never felt like being attractive was something she was allowed to strive towards...there's balance to be had. I'm not saying an 8 year old needs to experiment with face paint but if she does - why do we demonise it so much?

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