To not want people to know we met online

(121 Posts)
Laila362 Wed 18-Dec-13 13:04:02

I have never been ashamed about anything in my life or anything about me until I met my partner online. Even with people who openly have told me they met their partner online I just cannot admit that's where I met my partner and I end up lying that we met at work as we work with partner companies but I don't elaborate. When out with my partner he says the truth and is my embarrassed at all. Obviously I have to tell the truth to our friend as my partner has told them it's just people who will never meet and also my family. I just find it terribly embarrassing as I would think bad of a girl who was looking for love online. It screams desperation and loneliness and that you can't find anyone else normally. For me I had plenty of men who like led me I just moved to a new city and did online dating as I knew no one. It is normal that I don't like to admit how we met?

Laila362 Wed 18-Dec-13 22:08:40

Lmao narcissa! My friend met her do at a swingers club and admits it freely!

kennyp Wed 18-Dec-13 21:22:24

i couldn't think of anything worse than trying to meet someone in a bar or something. lots of frioends have met boyfriends, partners, online. so much easier, quicker etc etc.

as larry david said in curb "blah blah ..... so you met. hooray" (he HATES the "how we met" stories). if i'm interested in how someone met someone i hope to god it's a quick answer (online/out/bus stop/work/mc donalds) as a long story would bore me as much as a travel story. (going slightly off piste but why is it a biggy how you met?)

NarcissaPoetica Wed 18-Dec-13 21:07:01

I met my XH on a phone sex chat line several years ago - I was a teenager at the time... You try admitting to that! grin I told people we met online just to avoid the stigma of being pictured as lonely AND lecherous!

You know, I've never written that down before. I suddenly feel rather liberated! smile

Writerwannabe83 Wed 18-Dec-13 20:52:17

I was also a bit embarrassed when I met my partner online. A few close friends knew the truth but I lied to a lot of other people for many years!

Then - imagine my absolute horror when my father announced it to everyone in his speech at our Wedding, lol. I tried to look like I wasn't fussed he'd announced it but inside I wanted to curl up and die. There were a lot of very shocked guests. I didn't want to curl up and die with embarrassment because of how we met, but because I was so mortified that everyone knew I had lied to them. I think my Grandparents were the most displeased grin

ThePlEWhoLovedMe Wed 18-Dec-13 19:26:50

I met my OH 14 years ago on line. It WAS unusual back then and I didn't tell my parents (and still havent) how we met. But we did tell all our friends.

MillyMollyMandy78 Wed 18-Dec-13 18:25:49

I met my husband online too. I think it is a great way for people like us to meet. We are both a bit shy round strangers, dont go to pubs/ clubs etc. online we were able to build a rapport, have some banter and really open up about our feelings, lives etc. by the time we met in RL a month later we knew each other really well - we were both honest and clicked instantly. However, we were both embarrassed despite all this. I have only told one friend, and DH didn't tell a soul, though his mum did ask me ages later and i told her the truth. Apparently one of her friends had seen his online profile. They are the only two people in the world who know, which is silly really because i know several couples who have also met online and i don't judge at all. But then i think it is no one elses business really how we met and we are hurting no one if we tell a white lie. Btw i also heard that 50% of couples now meet their spouse online.

TheMuppetsSingChristmas Wed 18-Dec-13 18:14:59

On the off chance that you're not a hairy handed under the bridge dweller, grow up and get a grip! Are you really so stupid as to think that people give a shit where you met your partner?!

livingzuid Wed 18-Dec-13 18:12:39

Hardly rude or incorrect ribbons. My mum was always saying to me that I would never meet my soul mate in a bar and how odd she found that whole culture. Certainly lots of her generation and the one before couldn't understand meeting in a bar/club or meeting online for that matter. Not sure where they think people are supposed to meet aside from work and where I am that would limit things considerably!

TheSylph Wed 18-Dec-13 18:11:54

I met my husband online - the question of where we met has come up quite a lot. Most of the time I simply say with no hesitation but usually qualify it with extra detail as to why we both came to being on an online dating site. Occasionally it makes me uncomfortable and I have lied once - but that is more to do with the type of person who is asking me.

CatOfTheDay Wed 18-Dec-13 18:04:28

I met my DP of 6 years on a dating site! He'd joined to find girls for his mate, and I'd joined to prove to two of my mates that there's only weirdos on internet dating sites. I'm the first to admit I was wrong - however one pf those mates has now met someone the "normal" way!

I COULD have met him several times in "real life" though - it turned out we'd lived two streets away from each other at two different times at opposite ends of the country, and had mutual friends in both places! grin

BitOutOfPractice Wed 18-Dec-13 18:01:48

I don't think I've ever come across an AIBU where the OP had her judgey pants quite so tightly wound up her arse about herself!

For what it's worth I think YABVU. And old fashioned. And judgey. And the only cringey thing is your attitude.

RibbonsInMyHair Wed 18-Dec-13 17:56:33

Honestly I find people who meet at bars to be unusual

That's a bit fucking rude isn't it?

I've never used the internet for dating. Yet I would never find people who do as "unusual".

Surely it's more important you are in love and making a life together. Who cares where you met or how? Think you are seriously over thinking how much anyone actually gives a fuck.

CwtchesAndCuddles Wed 18-Dec-13 17:13:34

I met dh online 10 years ago. I've never had an issue with anyone knowing how we met and don't think it is anything to hide or be embarrassed about.

OP I think your attitude says a lot about you! I was not desperate and as I hate clubs and pubs online dating was a good way to meet people. I was recently out of a 16 year marriage and wanted to get out of the house again and have some fun - I didn't expect to be married again so soon when I signed up with Match.com !!!!

AnyBagsofOxfordFuckers Wed 18-Dec-13 17:09:59

OP, I think you need to take a look at your own judgemental attitudes - you're the one saying you'd look down on others if you knew they'd met online!

It is completely normal now for people to have met their partners online, whether that is through dating websites or more general sites and forums. I met my DH via mutual love of an obscure band on MySpace ages ago, and we are totally well-matched, adore each other and have a wonderful DS. Out of all my friends who are in relationships, the majority met online in some way. I know of two couples who fell in love via liking each other's comment on the Guardian website.

Many years ago, and when people didn't get much chance to be alone with someone of the opposite sex, never mind be intimate with them, many people fell in love by writing letters to each other and finding out who the other person truly was, inside. I see the way that many couple fall in love, myself and Dh included, as a modern version of that - by getting to know one another via email, msgs, even instant messenger, it can be a true meeting of minds, of kindred spirits.

I think it's actually very romantic to have fallen in love online, and actually quite sensible too - learning about someone via their words, and how they communicate and present themselves is a more rounded way of discovering if someone is right for you than drunkenly snogging the face off some bloke outside the pub at the end of Saturday night (not that there's anything wrong with that, either).

Surely the point is that you meet someone who is right for you, good to you, whom you can build a happy family with (if that's your choice, and it's possible), and have a good life with, not how and where you met them? It's incredibly shallow to care about that other stuff.

(Also, when someone is telling people how they met their OH, most people aren't listening that much, they're just waiting to tell their own funny 'how I met my Oh story, anyway!)

ephemeralfairy Wed 18-Dec-13 17:02:14

I met DP on a dating site, and not a reputable one either! Have lost track of the number of people I know of who've met online, gone on to marry and have kids etc.

Once you're out of FT education I honestly don't know how you're meant to meet potential partners. It can only be at work or online. My workplace is 90% female so online was the only option really.

livingzuid Wed 18-Dec-13 16:57:36

syk sorry not sky doh. I found the difference with WoW was that we were always gaming together, always talking, always hanging out online. There's a group of us who are still friends six years on (although DH and I are the only ones who ever met!) and the boys have their own little whatsapp chat which I have no need to be part of grin we've all been gaming together for years. You build up close bonds that way even online. DH and I had to meet to be sure what we felt was real and genuine which it was, but by the time we met it was just an affirmation of what I already knew. Skype, facetime, Facebook all help in breaking down online barriers.

I'd be dubious if they didn't want to show themselves on Skype but in this day and age meeting online is so normal.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Wed 18-Dec-13 16:56:24

I met dh at university.

I think online dating is normal. I know very few people who have been together less than5 years who met any other way.

livingzuid Wed 18-Dec-13 16:48:46

ellie and sky I moved to the Netherlands for my WoW hubby. Well worth every penny of subscription to meet him smile

livingzuid Wed 18-Dec-13 16:46:24

I met now DH on World of warcraft too! I am proud of him and couldn't care less how we met or telling people about it. I only fudged a bit with my parents because I had just gone through a divorce and my mum was a) in shock over that and b) overly judgemental of computer games. They knew we met online though. My mum and stepdad met via a dating agency but as we can see hypocrisy is alive and kicking.

I don't get how you can be so judgemental about others meeting people online when you went and did it yourself. I feel sorry for your DP who may feel as if he's having to lie which is not a nice position to be put in + the fact that you are ashamed for no reason at all.

MummyBeerestCupOfCheerest Wed 18-Dec-13 16:38:44

I know 5 couples who met online. 3 are married.

Realistically, who gives a shit how you met? That's just a conversation starter.

If I were single now, and wanted to date, I'd definitely do online dating. I'm not into clubbing or bars anymore.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism Wed 18-Dec-13 16:33:03

Yeah gossip monster, pof is desperate ;)

HeirToTheIronThrone Wed 18-Dec-13 16:32:11

Another one who met her husband on match.com, and happy to admit it. My housemate at the time saw how happy I was when we met, and she's now living with her online boyfriend, another ex-colleague is married to hers. There's also a 5 year online relationship and a marriage that came out of speed dating in my wider circle. I must know a hell of a lot of desperate, unattractive women OP confused I'm so non-embarrassed by it that it was in our wedding speeches!

Seriously, how dare you suggest that I couldn't find someone in a 'normal' way?? For me it just sped things up, DH and I realised when we'd been dating for a while that we could have met several times - at gigs, or our shared local, or through friends of friends. It just gave fate a boot!

DontmindifIdo Wed 18-Dec-13 16:29:27

OP - if it helps, perhaps start a "how did you meet your DH/P and what do you say when asked how you met him/her?" thread - you'll find the bulk of stories aren't super romantic/tell the DGCs type, there'll be lots of "woke up with a hangover next to him" or "drunk in a city centre" stories, and then a lot of "on-line" - very few people have a "Mills and Boon story" - yours isn't embarrassing or unusal. It's only your Dad and that generation who think so because the idea is so alien to them.

I still don;t see why "in an online forum discussing XYZ" is any worse than "at a XYZ club/at an event for fans of XYZ" - unless the XYZ is something embarrassing.

Gossipmonster Wed 18-Dec-13 16:25:20

The embarrassing bit is we met on POF blush

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now