My Father died and we found out he had changed his will after telling us that we would share his property abroad with stepm keeping the British homes, money and investments (no problem at all with that). He secretly bought under a Tontine meaning we got nothing.
Our stepm has alienated us from our entire paternal family and the uncles/aunts seem to project their feelings about our Mother onto us.
We have had to live with the fact that not only was our Father not a good Father in life with little love for us, hew continues to reject us in death. Mostly we have got on with things and have cut ties with our stepm who has lavished goods, gifts and money on other family members and friends. She threw away my Fathers photographs, possessions etc days after he died not asking any of us if we wanted them. She then found a new man three and a half months after he died.
To get to the point, she has ignored my children's birthdays and mine but today a cheque 'to share among yourselves as you see fit for Christmas' arrived.
Now I have cut all ties with her so it would be hypocritical to accept this money for myself and nor do I want it.
BUT - should i cash it and split between my children?
Cash it and donate to charity/
Send it back and tell her to re issue it in the form of cheques to my children?
If i cash it i am telling her that I don't want you but your money will do which feels not right. if I cash it and share it, all she will know is that i took her money and it'll be spread around my paternal family that I did this?
AIBU to tear the cheque up and try to suppress the awful feelings of pain and hurt that the arrival of this communique has triggered in me? I have done well to pretty much push to the back of my mind, the damage my Father has caused me all my life and feel much happier having no contact with her (she is manipulative and spiteful). My children dislike her having seen the pain caused and feel she very much used us during the funeral to depict a happy family with her at the heart and then discarded us all. They say i should do what i feel comfortable with.
This has made me so unhappy again. The cheque and card are sitting like a coiled snake on my kitchen table.
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AIBU?
To not accept this money?
60 replies
Mignonette · 18/12/2013 11:24
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