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AIBU?

So who is UB?

59 replies

tillyo · 30/11/2013 22:16

Back story, DH Nan passed away last Sunday very suddenly from a fall. On Wednesday Mil invited us round for dinner as Bil kids will be there (we don't see them much) we said will be round about 3. Mil then said she needed to sort Nan's flat out so DH asked to go with her on Saturday which was agreed. So come today we phoned as we left home and said "we're popping to asda and be we'll round at planned time" we turn up just before 3. As soon as we get there Fil already has kids jackets on to take them to watch Bil play football and Mil and Dh aunt have they coats on. They explained that they was going to nans to sort her clothes out for the funeral parlor so Dh said we'll come Aunt then turns rounds and said i don't want you there its a personal thing and that they are only going to choose clothes. Big argument started with Dh telling her to F off she then threatens to lamp him one. i step in and say it was the way she said it and was told she was grieving for her mum and cause Dh has not seen Nan for a while that we have no right to be there. They ended up going with out us and we stayed in Mil house on our own for 45 minutes when they came back aunt refused to talk to us and left without evening saying goodbye. who is BU here? Dh is going to text to say sorry regardless for his DM as it will cause problems at funeral but not sure what to say as we don't mean it. We ended up going round there later but its the way we was spoken to.

Sorry so long

OP posts:

Report

DirtyDancingCleanLiving · 30/11/2013 22:20

So what do you want...a grovelling apology for the tone of voice she used?

Let it go. Not really the time for petty squabbles, is it?

Tweasels · 30/11/2013 22:20

People act differently in grief. I wouldn't even worry about who is being unreasonable and just chalk it up to everyone having a bit of a shitty time.

Let DH say sorry and all be respectful in the circumstances.

JeanSeberg · 30/11/2013 22:20

I agree that choosing the clothes is a private thumb and not a group outing. He really told his aunt to fuck off just after her mum died? Lovely.

Annunziata · 30/11/2013 22:20

Aunt sounds terribly rude but she has just lost her mother and I think you should give her a little distance just now. It is a horrible thing to have to pick out the clothes, and I can understand why she didn't want many people there.

tinmug · 30/11/2013 22:21

They explained that they was going to nans to sort her clothes out for the funeral parlor so Dh said we'll come Aunt then turns rounds and said i don't want you there its a personal thing and that they are only going to choose clothes. Big argument started with Dh telling her to F off

So his aunt told your DH that she wanted to go with her sister to their recently deceased mother's house to choose the clothes that she'd be buried in, and he told her to fuck off?

JeanSeberg · 30/11/2013 22:21

...private thing...

JeanSeberg · 30/11/2013 22:22

How on earth does the aunt sound rude?

KerwhizzedMyself · 30/11/2013 22:25

You and your DH were unreasonable. Him for telling someone who had lost their mum to fuck off and you for "stepping in" and having a go at a grieving woman for the tone of her voice. You should mean your apology because you have both behaved like dicks.

Fakebook · 30/11/2013 22:28

Do you think it's okay to tell your aunt to fuck off? Especially after her mother has just died? Your DH is rude and his aunt should have carried out the threat to lamp him one. What a lovely group of people you all are.

tillyo · 30/11/2013 22:28

No he told her to f off after she threaten to thump him. Dh is upset as this has been arranged since Wednesday that he was going to round there as this was the only day he could go to his nan's before they give the flat back up. if his aunt had explained this to him rather than say i want to go on my own then fair enough. Once Mil had explained it to us we was fine about it but i don't think a quick "its my mum and we need to choose the clothes. so we are going now and you can go round there later" wouldnt have hurt but her children went with her just not my Dh.

OP posts:

JeanSeberg · 30/11/2013 22:28

I suggest you stay away from the funeral. I lost my mum recently, I'd have gone ape shit in your aunt's shoes!

TemporaryAlias · 30/11/2013 22:29

What awful behaviour by your DH. He sounds a delight. And yes, in what way does the Aunt sound "terribly rude"

KerwhizzedMyself · 30/11/2013 22:30

Big argument started with Dh telling her to F off she then threatens to lamp him one.

No he told her to f off after she threaten to thump him.

Make your mind up!

tillyo · 30/11/2013 22:31

By saying Dh can't go to his own nan's flat

OP posts:

SweetSeraphim · 30/11/2013 22:32

You both sound pretty horrible tbh. Your dh aunt has just lost her mother. Have some compassion, ffs. No class.

friday16 · 30/11/2013 22:32

www.itv.com/jeremykyle/be-a-guest

KerwhizzedMyself · 30/11/2013 22:32

friday

tillyo · 30/11/2013 22:33

Big argument started with Dh telling her to F off she then threatens to lamp him one.

No he told her to f off after she threaten to thump him.

Make your mind up!

sorry very upset about loosing nan got it the wrong way round

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 30/11/2013 22:34

FFS she's just lost her Mother and your DH is acting like a Diva because he couldn't tag along to his Nan's house.

JeanSeberg · 30/11/2013 22:34

You sound like one of the least self-aware people I've come across. The poor aunt.

patienceisvirtuous · 30/11/2013 22:35

Try to have more empathy.

JeanSeberg · 30/11/2013 22:37

Thankfully the nan isn't here to witness your atrocious behaviour.

KerwhizzedMyElf · 30/11/2013 22:37

So when did you step in? Before or after the fuck off? I'm confused.

whattoWHO · 30/11/2013 22:38

You and your DH ABU.

Drquin · 30/11/2013 22:40

Don't know how big the extended family is - but sometimes it's just not reasonable for everyone to do everything altogether in the aftermath of a family bereavement.
If you think that's the time to be playing top trumps, DH should have gone somewhere because his cousins (?) got to go, then you ABU.

Find something else DH can do, practical support, dealing with undertaker, contacting solicitor / banks etc, which will help the family. Support can be given and received in many ways.

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