To ask you to help my sister and I plan an epic proposal to her DP?

(114 Posts)
ExcitedEmmy Fri 22-Nov-13 15:09:16

My sister and her DP have been together for 6 years. He has two daughters aged 7 and 8 and she has a 7 year son plus they have a three year old son and one year old daughter together. They have loads of contact with his children and are sickeningly happy, to be honest. They have spoken about marriage and agree its going to be in their future but her DP is shy about proposing in front of anyone. However, he does like positive attention - just not instigating it (if that makes any sense.) My Dsis wants to plan a surprise proposal. For those of you who hate these things, please stop reading now rather than wasting your time commenting negatively.

Some ideas she/we have had are:

Planning a family photoshoot and having the children hold props reading out 'will you marry me?' Which he doesn't see until the photo

Her hiring a screen at the local cinema - it's really small and so inexpensive. She takes him out for a date (they never go out but have been meaning to for ages) and then the film is interrupted by a photo slide show with music and captions of their lives together so far. At the end it says:'will you marry me?' And when the lights go up it turns out their family/friends/kids have sneaked in and they then have an engagement party.

Opinions on these ideas and any other ideas would be Great please. I know not many women propose and some people don't agree with it, but thought I might get some great ideas here.

BlingBang Sun 24-Nov-13 23:03:09

" 6 yrs isn't that long to have been together to not be engaged or married really is it? I always think less than 4 years is too soon personally."

Are you serious - but it's not too soon to have several children together in that 6 yrs - but you see getting engaged and married as a much bigger deal?

We were engaged and married within 18 months of meeting each other - really don't see the point of long engagements. Children came years later. Whether you decide to get married or not is a different matter.

MmeLindor Sun 24-Nov-13 22:58:50

Gosh, what a load of party poopers. Emmy was excited when she started this thread, but she probably isn't now.

She's said that is what her sister wants to do, so why don't those who hate the idea of a public proposal go and start a thread on how they are horrible and leave the romantic fools here to discuss ways to organise something special.

JollyGolightly Sun 24-Nov-13 22:58:31

This is such a pointless conversation, particularly as this is the 3rd thread you've started, and it's clearly decided that the proposal will go ahead in this form. So yes, YABU.

Writerwannabe83 Sun 24-Nov-13 22:54:02

Me and my husband were married within 3 years of meeting each other smile I'm currently pregnant with our first baby which will be born before our 4th year together. But, we wanted to crack on with it because of our ages as I was 29 and he was 30 at the time of getting married smile

ExcitedEmmy Sun 24-Nov-13 22:30:05

futureforward - 6 yrs isn't that long to have been together to not be engaged or married really is it? I always think less than 4 years is too soon personally.

SirChenjin Sun 24-Nov-13 15:38:19

My apologies Excited - I must have missed your post about it just going to be the 2 of them at the cinema smile

I'm afraid I'm still with futureforward, olidusUrsus and all the other heartless naysayers though.

olidusUrsus Sun 24-Nov-13 15:27:38

With respect, Excited this is your DSis and her DP. How did you become so involved in their relationship to know that he definitely wouldn't say no and 100% wants to get married?

She's asked for your opinion so give her it - but the general consensus from MN (inc. me) is that it would be twee, trite and OTT to go in all guns blazing on a public proposal and to spend lots of cash they don't have renting cinema screens or hiring photographers.

I don't understand why the idea of an intimate proposal is so unacceptable. If I were in her shoes I'd corral the kids into helping make him brekkie in bed with "marry me" written in jam on toast (or something else acceptably twee but private).

And anyway, why would you forsake the obligatory and celebratory post-proposal quickie that an intimate proposal allows!?

The fails video was hilarious

futureforward Sun 24-Nov-13 15:24:32

Dsis isn't desperate to get married, her DP sees it as much more important.

Clearly not, though.

He is the one who says no, it's definitely what he wants

...and yet he hasn't got around to asking her, not in the six years they've been together, before or after they moved in together or before or after the birth of their children.

I can never understand people who say they can't afford to get married but can afford to have children.

Or those who say marriage is really really important to them but haven't proposed after six long years and children together?

Sorry OP but if he wanted to marry her then he'd have done it by now.

ExcitedEmmy Sun 24-Nov-13 15:23:37

SirChenjin - I've already said that shes decided it'll be just the two of them at the cinema. Future - he says when we get married, she says if, he's asked how she'd like to be proposed to - so it isn't a done deal. Why saragossa?

saragossa2010 Sun 24-Nov-13 15:17:41

For legal reasons he might be wise not to marry. I hope he will be given the chance to take legal advice.

futureforward Sun 24-Nov-13 15:15:53

he's spoken about how he would like the wedding to be etc. It's like theres an understanding they'll marry

In my world, that means they are already engaged, no?

SirChenjin Sun 24-Nov-13 14:58:18

So your sister knows that he wants a public proposal specifically, in front of all of your family? And that only a public proposal is romantic and special?

ExcitedEmmy Sun 24-Nov-13 14:53:43

SirChenjin neither of them would feel thats very romantic or special. The two of them alone doing the cinema plan would be.

ExcitedEmmy Sun 24-Nov-13 14:51:42

Um yes it is, hence why I wrote it. They've both had failed marriages and she's said to him many times she'd completely understand if he didn't want to remarry as his ex was a nightmare and that she's happy to remain unmarried. He is the one who says no, it's definitely what he wants and they aren't the sort of couple to play silly games

SirChenjin Sun 24-Nov-13 14:49:21

If everyone was as negative as people on this board no one would ever propose in case the other person said no!

Can I just be clear - I'm not negative about proposals, and having been married for almost 20 years I think marriage is generally a pretty great thing! Public proposals are just strange imo - why would you want to do something that is essentially a very intimate, loving and private thing in front of a bunch of people?

However, I'm really not 'getting' this one - they've been together for 6 years, have kids together and from previous relationships, he's spoken about wanting to get married loads of times (although your sister doesn't say much about it to him, but he's never actually asked her because he is shy about proposing in front of everyone? So the solution is not for the 2 of them to just sit down and say "right, when will we get married"? confused

Dsis isn't desperate to get married, her DP sees it as much more important.

That isn't really the case, though, is it?

ExcitedEmmy Sun 24-Nov-13 14:23:46

If everyone was as negative as people on this board no one would ever propose in case the other person said no! The kids will not know beforehand about the proposal. If, in the extremely unlikely event, he said no then the party could stick with being a birthday/graduation party. Dsis isn't desperate to get married, her DP sees it as much more important. She'd be happyto stay with him if he said no as she sees the kids as enough commitment but that's so so unlikely to happen

ZillionChocolate Sun 24-Nov-13 08:18:03

You do have to give notice with civil weddings so I've never understood how people manage surprise ones.

If your DP doesn't want to marry you, isn't that something you'd want to know? Ok, having all your friends and family there would make it a car crash, but better to know now than waiting ten years for him to ask. I've always thought with big proposals you'd probably say yes, then back out the week after, rather than say no there and then.

That Harry bloke seems like a cave man.

SchrodingersHat Sun 24-Nov-13 07:30:29

I've just checked the prices for my local independent cinema. Off peak it costs £400 to hire which includes £100 minimum bar spend (so £300 if people buy their own drinks). I think the £2,000 quoted above was for a 30 sec commercial at one of the bigger chains.

TheDietStartsTomorrow Sun 24-Nov-13 03:09:55

30 seconds, not 30 mins! hmm

TheDietStartsTomorrow Sun 24-Nov-13 03:09:18

If they don't have the money to get married right away, where is she going to find the money to hire the cinema screen for a proposal? If a 30 min hiring costs approx £2,000 it's going to cost a fortune to do it properly.

If he's shy, I'd definitely recommend a more private, personal and romantic proposal.

marcopront Sun 24-Nov-13 02:55:39

My ex talked about going married and how he would propose, he still buggered off though.

Having two children together is a big commitment. When he has talked about getting married what has she said? If she said yes, then she has agreed to marry him, so surely they are engaged. An engagement is just an agreement to marry.

Morloth Sun 24-Nov-13 00:48:21

What happens with the kids if they are included in this and he says No?

Also uncomfortable to attend an engagement party if the answer is No.

It is not 100%, if it was then there would be no need to ask.

knocknock Sun 24-Nov-13 00:07:11

If he is extremely shy it can be a good idea

ExcitedEmmy Sat 23-Nov-13 23:15:22

Morris they've had the conversation but dsis would like to do something special and memorable for him and the kids. Imperial - they'd need to save for the wedding and they want all of the children to be old enough to be involved. tooMany - he definitely wants marriage, there is no question.

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