Commuter train woes, I am slowly going mad....

[PrincessTeacake]

I'm on this stupid train since half seven, I'm not in work until 2pm, I had no choice but to take this one because my lift had to be out of the house early. Instead of the comfortable long-haul train that runs most of the time, the station is running the crappy short-haul train at the busiest time of the day.

The pensioners in front of me are louder than some teenagers I've encountered, I have my music on almost full blast and I can still hear them discussing Biddy's health problems in great detail. One of them sat beside me for an hour, leaning over our shared seat to join in, and when the snack cart rolled by I couldn't get her to budge so I could get my purse. I am starving.

My seat smells like wars have been fought on it. There's a damp draught floating around and some f*cker keeps getting up and walking between this carriage and the next one, slamming the door every time and letting in even more damp, cold breezes. I suspect he is doing this because he desperately needs to fart and then escape the smell. It would explain a lot.
i have another hour of this.

I am slowly going mad.

Please share your stories to make me feel marginably more sane.

[Joysmum]

And breath

I don't envy you at all. My hubby uses the train a lot and hates it too.

It could be worse, you could have somebody next to you who wants to chat to you. You should think yourself lucky

[Amrapaali]

Your post made me chuckle.

Sorry, can't return the favour. Two hours on the train from Hell?! No wonder you are feeling murderous...

[PrincessTeacake]

I really am feeling murderous. Over the last two hours I have learned all about Biddy's knee operation, all of her tablets, what the doctor said and what her daughter's doctor said and all the aches and pains she struggles with. In about two minutes she's going to have to go back to her doctor to get my fingers surgically removed from her neck.

I once Spent two hours on a train as a 19 year old being followed around by a creepy 50-something lech and surrounded by drunks coming home from a match. This has actually managed to be worse.

[lljkk]

lol.
I only have a half hour journey each way and I have a long list of silly daily peeves!

[Pennyacrossthehall]

I hate public transport.

Among my pet peeves are:

• people who pile their stuff on the seat next to them to discourage anyone else from using it. Selfish cunts.
• people who smell
• people who talk loudly on their mobile phones. WTF? Is your friend deaf or is the speaker on their phone broken?
• people who make utterly pointless phone calls. "I'm on the 6:42 but it's running 3 minutes late so I won't get to until 7:17." Who the fuck could possibly care that you are three minutes late???
• people who walk between the carriages. Just get on where you want to sit and then sit the fuck down.
• people who walk between carriages and then don't close the fucking door behind them!

[samithesausage]

When I was travelling there was a "thermos" guy. He lived with his mum, had a thermos flask to save him money because tea cost 20p at work. Every sodding journey it was "with me thermos".

[samithesausage]

Yanbu about some old people's discussions though. When we were having dinner with my grand parents, the favorite discussion was bowels and phlem. Colour, texture, release satisfaction. All over sunday dinner (not literally)!

[pepperrabbit]

Sniffers. We all hate sniffers. Bring a bloody tissue!
Oh, and there's Trout Face on our train (possibly not her given name ) who harrumphs and purses her lips at the merest hint of conversation.
And, the one that has made me laugh the most recently was when I arrived early for the train, went and stood in my normal place-ish - but no! - it was clearly EXACTLY where someone else usually stood
This man literally stood shoulder to shoulder with me - just the two of us on the platform. I refused to move, mainly cos I might have wet myself laughing. Obviously he then chivalrously leapt onto the train ahead of me. What a git.
Hope you get there soon

[RudolphLovesoftplay]

Can I add to the mix:
Man who falls asleep with head on, or dangerously near, my shoulder;
Person who was drunk last night and is now sweating alcohol;
Person with enormous suitcase hogging the 6 seater areas;
Wide legged enormous penis man who clearly cannot shut his legs.

Bastards

[NynaevesSister]

Man behind me on the bus today full of snot doing that snorting it back in thing.

Gagging

[Pennyacrossthehall]

pepperrabbit ....... but no! - it was clearly EXACTLY where someone else usually stood

I used to do this on purpose - stand on the bit of the platform that someone else used to always occupy, then snigger as they stood behind me harrumphing. Twats.

[Gatekeeper]

wifey sat behind me once and had badly fitting false teeth that whistled when she said the letter "s" or "sh"

She kept saying "shirt" over and over, in every sentence...more than once in each sentence, until that's all I could hear...argghh. I thought I was going to dot her one with my magazine

[EldritchCleavage]

I got an I-Pod nano (cheapskate) precisely so I wouldn't have to listen to interminable conversations on public transport. It is a God-send.

My worst experience when commuting years ago was Eats-his-own-bogeys-all-the-way-there Man. The seats opposite him were often empty. I wish I'd had the courage to hand him a handkerchief ceremoniously, but I never did.

[PrincessTeacake]

People always complain that other people using the bus have their music up too loud. It's probably because they're trying to drown out the inane chatter.