To be offended at very expensive Christmas present?

[Babcia]

I have just found out DH has bought me a philips lumea hair remover thingy at the cost of about £350 for Christmas when we said we were going to spend around £150 each max. I mentioned in a short conversation the other day that I was considering getting one, and I was about to buy one on Amazon this evening when he told me not to because he had already bought me the top of the range one for christmas. And now he is in a strop because he thinks I'm ungrateful but I think I've got good reasons. I'm also not really bothered about getting lots of presents- I didn't get anything apart from a joke present from my brother for my birthday and I didn't say anything so I'm not being a brat.
We are spending christmas with the outlaws, and I was interested in getting a lumea because I'm very self-conscious about my body hair, so the thought of opening this as my present on christmas morning frankly fills me with utter horror, as it will no doubt be discussed as his mum and sister will probably know what it is and what it's for.
The reason that I've ummed and ahhed about it is because I'm not sure that it will work on my skin tone, and I think it's a very expensive mistake to make if it doesn't work. It's not the first time he's done this- there have been other (expensive) things that I've discussed with him previously which he's gone away and bought without telling me- a couple of years ago after saying "I might get a food processor" one time, he spent £300 on a magimix that I'd already decided that we didn't have room for in the kitchen and that I'd never use (thankfully was able to cancel it on amazon before it dispatched), and the last time my laptop needed replacing, I asked him to just research a new one for me, and he went and bought one, took it out of the box and set it up (probably so I couldn't return it).
Anyway, am I being unreasonable to be annoyed that he's spent over twice what we agreed on something I wasn't sure I wanted or would work, and would feel like a monkey circus freak opening on christmas morning anyway? I know he's trying to be nice but he didn't seem to understand why this would be an offensive present, or why if I'm discussing buying something it's because I'M THINKING OF BUYING IT, not trying to drop hints!!

[ShakeRattleNRoll]

It's the thought that counts

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

Er, while I understand your reluctance to open the Lumia in front of family members (can't you do that at home, and dh buy you some smaller gift to be opened publically?) I'm sorry, but I do think YABU. Your dh buys you lovely presents, and you're pissed off? I think you need more communication with dh. (I'm also assuming you can afford these things as a couple.)

[flameprincess]

YABU, he is trying hard to get you thoughtful gifts and perhaps jumping the gun a bit but at least they are things you DO need/want.

[AgentZigzag]

YANBU to be annoyed at him going against what you'd agreed, he seems to associate shed loads of cash for a present with how much he feels for you.

Totally missing that it's not the cash you value but the item you want, as well as that he's thought about you and what you want, rather than him and what he thinks you should want.

It's good he's kind of listening to what you're saying, but he's such an eager beaver he doesn't wait to listen to the end of it

DNBU to not want to open something you find personal in front of your IL's

I would go with that bit this time, work on the overspending as and when.

[Babcia]

I think that's my point- I'd be happy with a £1.99 selection box but he's obviously equated spending lots of money with thoughtful gift. Not the fact that I would have been absolutely mortified and would probably have run out of the room crying if I'd opened that on christmas morning. Might as well buy me some spanx, clearasil, superstrength deodorant and a copy of how to win friends and influence people while he's at it...

[flameprincess]

Also am I missing something on the Lumea thingy? Since when has hair removal been embarrassing? E.g lady shavers/epilators - I wouldn't be at all bother to open that? Or is this Lumea something different?

[AgentZigzag]

'It's the thought that counts'

It's not just the thought though is it? It's £200 extra around Christmas when you can't afford it.

If he thinks like this buying your present, does he expect the same back?

Even £150 is a heck of a lot of cash each!

[AgentZigzag]

If you're sensitive about something flame, the last thing you want is your whole family discussing it across the room!

[Cerisier]

Totally understand. I would be mortified opening a present like that in public. If you can't cancel the order then return it. Tell DH you don't want it.

Then speak to him about this buying stuff for you when you want to choose it yourself/are not sure you want things. He is trying to be helpful but is coming over as thoughtless and a bit controlling.

[custardo]

i think he should have got you an astounding
fouteen
FOURTEEN
14
of these


I am not being trite. If he has form for equating ££££'s with love, then be specific

" i would like a 1.99 selection box and 14 of the above

[flameprincess]

Agent, to be honest when I read the example of Spanx I kind of understood. Now that would be mortifying

[Babcia]

OldLadyKnowsNothing we are staying there for the whole of christmas, so no not really able to open it at home, and if I hadn't been about to buy one it would have been opened on christmas morning and I would have known nothing about it. Me discovering he'd bought it was entirely by chance. I don't like him spending money we could use for other things on things I don't need and have already decided that I'm not going to buy. We don't have joint finances but we do have some joint expenditures and I think if I've decided that something is not worth the money, it doesn't become more good/useful/suitable because he has bought it, not me. Just because some people would like to receive those kind of presents, doesn't mean I do. I like to earn things that I want myself.

[MiniMonty]

Jesus....
I wish I could spend £350 on ANYTHING...

[Caitlin17]

Would it be in really bad taste , tactless and unsympathetic to ask you to report back on its effectiveness and ease of use ?

It's not a great present. Aside from the cost it's too utilitarian.

[Scarletohello]

Wish I had a partner at Xmas...:(

[MrsCakesPremonition]

So you were planning to spend approx £200 buying your own basic Lumea.

DH was meant to spend £150 on your present.

Instead he chose to spend £350 on the top of the range Lumea and you saved the £200 you were going to spend.

So, overall the amount of money spent is same, you get the "better" version and he thinks he has bought you something you actually want instead of spending £150 on guessing what you might like.

LTB

[AlfalfaMa]

Yabu.
If it was that you really can't afford it, I'd have some sympathy but you were going to buy one for yourself for no special occasion so money isn't really the issue.
Poor bloke, he must have been so pleased to have a good gift idea for something that you'd really want.

[lottiegarbanzo]

Stop telling about things you're only thinking about. Do the thinking, decide what you're going to buy and what might make a good present, then tell him. Maybe he'll buy something you want, maybe he'll think up something himself.

[Babcia]

MrsCakesPremonition - If he'd asked me I would have told him something that I wanted which costs much less than that. I was planning to buy the same model actually (I've been saving up for a while) but like I said I'd been looking at them for a while but wasn't sure if it would be worth it. I didn't realise the conversation we'd had where he said it was a good idea was actually him trying to convince me that spending £350 on one possibly ineffectual item is not complete idiocy. I wasn't sure if DH was going to get me anything for christmas actually- last year he didn't but I wrapped some stuff I'd bought myself anyway so he could save face in front of my family. I would have rather spent £50 max each and put the rest towards a new boiler, but money burns a hole in his pocket (part of the reason we don't have a joint account). I either get nothing at all, or random astronomically expensive electrical item I neither need nor want. I would really rather just have bubble bath.

[MrsCakesPremonition]

Talk to your DH. Return the item. But honestly, don't waste your energy being offended, it will just corrode your relationship.

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

Well, tell him that!

[Babcia]

lottiegarbanzo I told him I wanted new tools for the dyson- no, he does not like this. Wine? No. Stuff for my car? No. Jewellery? No. Clothes? No. He's only interested in stuff I want to get for myself. I've told him things to get me for christmas until I'm blue in the face, but he waits until I have a conversation in which I say "I'm thinking of getting.....", meaning I am thinking of personally buying it, during which time I get no feedback other than a passive disinterested "yeah sounds good", and then he goes and spaffs a load of money on it, whether I've decided against it or not. I don't know how many more times I can have the conversation of "If I haven't bought it yet, it's probably not worth buying".

[StupidFlanders]

caitlin they are really good the results have really impressed me dh.

[NoArmaniNoPunani]

I've got a Philips Lumea, well I had one. I ended up binning it as it was total crap. It didn't work at all, total waste of nearly £400

[catsrus]

My exH used to do this - drove me potty, YANBU. I just wrote and then deleted a totally identifying story of me saying, casually, I liked something that we were looking at together - and he bought it for Xmas. Very expensive totally wrong for the house - he couldn't get his head around the difference between saying I liked something and wanting to own it. I like llamas and alpacas but please don't get me one, I like David Hockneys paintings but wouldnt dream of spending my retirement money on one (different story if I won the lottery ).

With my ex it was part of a very grandiose personality ("look how great I am") and he really did associate the amount of money spent on a present with its value. Like you I'd rather Have had something smaller - particularly if you had agreed a budget. In my Ex's case there was a kind on one up manship going on there too.

You agreed a budget and he didn't stick to the agreement so YANBU for being annoyed about that - and I agree that it is also a strange present to be expected to open in front of family.