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AIBU?

AIBU to say "no" to this request from DS?

18 replies

akaWisey · 07/11/2013 15:48

Briefly - DS is 31, lives on quite generous benefits as he has MH problems but he's ok.

Regularly he runs out of money. He borrows from mates, they borrow from him etc. Sometimes he borrows from me. However, the last two occasions recently (and in the past) he has borrowed and not paid me back, despite reminders. I work, I can, within limits, afford to lend him money. However his rent etc is paid for him whilst I have a mortgage etc and support my DD at college. He owes me £70 from the last two times. I've had a text asking for a further £120 to pay for something for his car.

I feel like saying no, I'm cross that he hasn't paid me back for the last loans but this pushes his debt up to almost £200 when I'm thinking ahead to Christmas etc and I have ongoing housing costs due to repairs….

If I say no. AIBU?

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Justforlaughs · 07/11/2013 15:49

Not at all, if you keep bailing him out he'll never learn.

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Pagwatch · 07/11/2013 15:51

Of course you should say no.
Tell him you can't. Offer to help him figure out how to manage his finances better.

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Morgause · 07/11/2013 15:51

And say you won't lend him any more until he's paid off what he already owes.

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phantomnamechanger · 07/11/2013 15:52

YANBU - unless there is a genuine financial emergency, you are not doing him any favours by helping him out all the time

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akaWisey · 07/11/2013 15:54

Part of the reason i am so cross that it's for his car is because my DF bought my DS a perfectly good car a year ago, the best one he's ever owned and he sold it recently for a bigger car which so far has cost him money because it isn't as good but it was what he wanted. Angry

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akaWisey · 07/11/2013 15:55

It's for a key fob. Fuck knows why it should cost that much.

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Pagwatch · 07/11/2013 15:56

Well then don't lend it to him.

But tbh I am not going to comment on his decision making because it may be related to his mental health.

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Preciousbane · 07/11/2013 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

akaWisey · 07/11/2013 15:58

No pag it's nothing to do with his mental health, trust me. It's his decision making, which is very of the moment.

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akaWisey · 07/11/2013 16:00

His MH is stable, he hasn't been unwell for a very long time. He doesn't have BiPolar. It isn't a mental health issue, if it was I'd probably go to his CPN.

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ICameOnTheJitney · 07/11/2013 16:05

My brother is like this OP. Say no. My Mum has JUST learned to say no to him and she's 67! He's almost 50. He began coming to me...I struggle with two DC and a low income and he has NO shame. Just refuse. He'll stop counting you in his budget which he's obviously doing.

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Twoandtwomakeschaos · 07/11/2013 16:08

As an aside, the cost he's quoting for a key fob sounds entirely pausible: I had to be revived when we enquired for a spare for our Renault.

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akaWisey · 07/11/2013 16:08

Well that's it, I think Jitney. When I was married there was a joint income and he'd borrow from my then DH. Now I'm on my own he comes to me. He does pay me back sometimes but I don't want him to be in this position when he's 50!

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akaWisey · 07/11/2013 16:11

It doesn't entirely surprise me either Two, but I'm torn between feeling pissed at him for trading in a really good (smaller) car for a fuck-off big tank and feeling, what? Sorry for him in a way I suppose.

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WilsonFrickett · 07/11/2013 16:19

Key fobs are ridonkulously expensive, but our car has a spare normal key. He could use his spare or get a replacement normal one which won't cost nearly as much. So no, I wouldn't lend him the money.

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Mia4 · 07/11/2013 16:56

I wouldn't lend him it OP, while he knows you will always bail him out where's his incentive to budget and try to save?

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Retroformica · 07/11/2013 17:32

Can you fix the car as a combined Xmas and birthday gift?

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akaWisey · 07/11/2013 18:20

Thank you all. I've sorted it. I will do half (he can't get another key cut because the fob controls the mobiliser apparently) for his birthday which is coming up. He finds the other half AND pays me back the money he owes me from before then he's quits.

And he's agreed to let me help him draw up a budget as I"ve said that's it, bank of DM is closed after this.

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