I've kind of written about this before, then it escalated and escalated and now it's just ridiculous.
DH's brother and his (then) fiancée were getting married abroad in a big huge wedding (where she's from and where her family all live.)
After a really hard road to conceive and with help from the wonderful Mr Shehata, I was pregnant and due a few weeks before the wedding.
With the cost, the baby and the fact I was going to be having a c section, we thought it a bit difficult to attend.
Back and forths (many Many arguments) and them asking DH to be best man and our older DD to be a flower girl we thought it would be irreparable to our relationship if we didn't go, so suggested to them that we would arrive the Thursday evening, have the wedding on the Friday, then fly home Saturday morning, leaving newborn DD2 with my parents for as little time as possible.
They said this was unacceptable, and that due to a wedding rehearsal, we all had to come Tuesday.
My DH is a self employed contractor so doesn't get paid if he doesn't work, and had already planned to have some time off when the baby was born / work from home so couldn't take the piss. (And we couldn't afford it!)
They countered that they had come away to our wedding.. But we had paid for them and there hadn't been any children involved at the time.
It became ridiculous, they told everyone I had called her a bad mum (which I would never) and spread a few more rumours. Then refused to speak to us... For about three months.
During this time we didn't see them or their son, or DH's parents at all (who they were living with.)
I ended up in hospital with a few pregnancy problems and DH sent them a message saying how ill I was and that we missed them and it was all so stressful, and they ignored it.
I had my baby, and messaged them and sent them a picture, and they ignored it.
My baby has been Very difficult. And I've suffered from postnatal depression, and still do.
Two days before the wedding DH heard that a guy that hates him was now being best man and was planning to make some jokes about him in the speech and got really upset, which is totally uncharacteristic of him, so I bit the bullet, asked my mum to have my baby, and we flew there and went to the wedding.
It was awful, the jokes happened, we were seated with some of her cousins who clearly made their thoughts known and it was just a very awkward day. We told her at the reception she looked beautiful, great wedding and she said how brilliant it was that we had come.
So, once we were home, we thought everything would improve, but it's now been three more months and my baby is now 4 months old and they still hasn't spoken to us, continued to spread rumours, and make things difficult.
I got an unexpected email from her today saying that DH's parents want us to get together for a Christmas Day (a few days before as she's going home to her family.)
I replied saying that to be honest, after not seeing each other or speaking for basically three months, wouldn't it be a little strange to just all get together for a Christmas Day? What with the totally hurtful situation with my baby, the wedding and the rumours and lies (all over a rehearsal!!) if they were willing to apologise, we'll drop it and we can talk about Christmas.
She said absolutely no way will she apologise and that she'll happily go back to silence, and they'll have Christmas without us.
So, stalemate.
We uses to be so close, the fact it, I miss her, DH misses his family, our nephew has no idea who we are and my DD (and new baby) never see that side of the family.
But we feel so hurt. Over a rehearsal!!!
Should we just drop this? Go to Christmas and grit our teeth? AWBU? Or are they?
Sorry it's long!!
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AIBU?
I need some perspective on this, are they unreasonable or are we?
64 replies
curiousgeorgie · 27/10/2013 21:26
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