To be annoyed that he doesn't like me posting on MN?

(36 Posts)
Modestandatinybitsexy Sun 27-Oct-13 19:55:32

He doesn't like me sharing private information in a public forum. I find it weird that he finds it weird.

I sometimes need to unload issues where people will judge me with no preconceptions and it wont impact on my life other than the information I take away from the discussions.

I don't have many friends I can discuss big life stuff with and I feel family would get too involved.

I now feel weird about posting but I don't want to feel censored. I don't feel I've revealed too much. Which of us is being unreasonable?

BOF Mon 28-Oct-13 00:29:18

Yes, that's a load of bollocks.

Do you think that anybody who has ever written to an agony aunt has betrayed their partner's trust?

DameDeepRedBetty Mon 28-Oct-13 00:20:55

tinkertitonk I'm sorry I 100% disagree.

MN is a fantastic place to talk stuff through, ANONYMOUSLY.

OP has namechanged and has not revealed anything about herself except that she is a young woman living with a partner somewhere in the UK. Which narrows it down to about 20 million couples.

tinkertitonk Mon 28-Oct-13 00:11:06

"I don't feel I've revealed too much."

If you've revealed anything to a bunch of strangers (which is what any forum is, including this one) then you've revealed too much. Why do you think you have a right to violate his privacy?

"Which of us is being unreasonable?"

You are.

BOF Sun 27-Oct-13 22:22:54

If you don't reveal things that make you identifiable, he is utterly unreasonable. Everyone needs to talk, even if it's just a diary.

MmeLindor Sun 27-Oct-13 22:20:04

Hmm, I can see his point if you were discussing a personal matter, using a name that people you know could guess. Look at the PB thing - you are posting on an open website, that anyone can read.

However, I think that he is BU to expect that you should only discuss private issues with him. It is not a betrayal of your relationship. It is getting a different perspective.

APartridgeAmongThePigeons Sun 27-Oct-13 22:14:24

Mumsnet has the same rules as fight club

EXACTLY says so right at the top of the page.. I think. Something about fight club grin

If dh had to discuss something super private between us to someone I'd much prefer he do it under a name change on an anonymous forum than to one of his friends.

You have to talk to someone and sometimes when the person you need to talk about is your partner.. it has to be someone else. I think taking support from you is a shitty thing to do.

WorraLiberty Sun 27-Oct-13 22:09:23

Well then I guess it's a case of what he doesn't know, won't harm him.

But I can see his point. I'd just feel weird if I knew my DH was tapping away at a keyboard and discussing our personal life with online strangers.

Then again if no-one did that, MN wouldn't really exist.

But I just wouldn't want to know about it, if that makes sense?

Modestandatinybitsexy Sun 27-Oct-13 22:06:26

Thing is I really haven't talked about anything too personal. Other than stating we had different opinions on the baby matter and asking wwyd.

We actually started the discussion because I read about the JM stuff and asked him how he'd feel. I wasn't sure if I'd feel comfortable talking about our sex life anywhere and since he's stated he would prefer I wouldn't then I won't. It then moved on to him saying that he wouldn't be happy if I mentioned anything about him. This thread would obviously not be able to exist if he had his way.

Although my username was obvious - now changed - I didn't write anything I don't want anyone to know; I just prefer to type than talk. I'm also fairly private and talking about personal issues can make me far too emotional and then they seem more dramatic than they actually are iykwim.

WorraLiberty Sun 27-Oct-13 21:38:44

I agree with flowery

Also I'm not sure about 'how girls work' either.

I just know how I work and that's in a fairly private way. My DH respects that and would never post anything private online that could identify me to people who know me.

flowery Sun 27-Oct-13 21:20:21

Well if you're posting private stuff with a "pretty obvious username, anyone close to me would have been able to guess" then I think it's fair enough for him not to be happy IMO.

Surely it depends what you're posting.
Would he mind if you posted
'My dh has a really big cock'
For instance?

Modestandatinybitsexy Sun 27-Oct-13 21:16:28

He is just generally a private person, he once heard the end of a girly conversation with my best friend and he wasn't particularly pleased about that either. He's not the type to discuss sexual preferences with his mates in the pub and feels that since he doesn't I then shouldn't talk about anything involving him. Trouble os everything in my life pretty much involves him. We've pretty much grown up together and we talk about everything, that's why I don't want to hide anything I'm doing on here.

I wrote a post after trying to discuss an issue with him. With him i get limited feedback and I felt I needed to talk it out. I've been plagued with the baby fever and decided to turn to people who might understand, I got loads of helpful answers and it really helped me gain some perspective. I was feeling pretty positive so I let him read the thread. I had a pretty obvious username, anyone close to me would have been able to guess. I feel it was beneficial to show him because it opened up further discussions. He feels i should gave been able to talk to him without this. Whenever I mention the problem if the limited feedback ge clams up again. We're going round in circles and I'm so frustrated! I just don't think he understands how girls work!

BillyBanter Sun 27-Oct-13 20:53:43

Ask to see it and apologise profusely and demonstrably if I'm wrong!

lottiegarbanzo Sun 27-Oct-13 20:52:05

Would he be more or less happy if you were havng in-depth relationship discussions with close friends? More traditional but far less anonymous.

Ultimately, I think people who don't talk to their partners and address issues that are bothering them are in doomed relationships but, talking to other people can help provide perspective and clarify what the issue really is, so whether it does need to be discussed.

People who try to prevent their partners from talking to anyone but themselves about anything that matters are a root cause of doomed relationships, without exception.

If their partner doesn't want to talk to anyone else about things that reallymatter, that's an entirely different thing - and certainly something for him to aspire towards, by being an excellent listener, empathetic, non-judgmental, insightful and wise.

DameDeepRedBetty Sun 27-Oct-13 20:50:33

grin what are you going to do Billy if it turns out there's a Jeff Bassett who lives in Potterton Road in Leeds?

DP knows I spend a lot of time here, we talk about some of the stuff I do here - usually funny AIBUs - but not other stuff, he's as uninterested in Relationship advice, as I am with epic fantasy novels. He's currently nose down in a RR Jordan, the last of a series of 14, apparently constructed from the great man's notes after his death. Vital to DP, politely baffling to me.

If I needed to talk about him, I'd probably take to logging off properly, and name-change. However, since my only major gripe with him ATM is his utter inability to work the dishwasher, I'm not bothering right now.

quoteunquote Sun 27-Oct-13 20:43:07

Mine read stuff on here all the time,

tell him to join, and try it out.

BillyBanter Sun 27-Oct-13 20:41:20

I think a lot of people are still wary and baffled by online forum and networking sites if they don't use them themselves. I remember before facebook none of my friends could get their head round my internet shenanigans. 'They're not real people!' 'Sure? I've been on holiday with some of them!'

And if they don't quite understand forums then they will be possibly more wary of sharing personal stuff than they would be in other circs. Also plenty of men people don't like the idea of their partner talking about personal relationship stuff and don't like to themselves for purely privacy reasons.

That said you should be free to talk about your stuff if you like unless you are posting MY HUSBAND, JEFF BASSETT OF 3A POTTERTON ROAD, LEEDS HAS A SMALL PENIS or similar.

flowery Sun 27-Oct-13 20:39:53

Well it rather depends what private information you are sharing, and whether it's anything to do with him, and also how identifiable you are.

Most people who think they are posting here anonymously are not nearly as unidentifiable as they think, unless they name change very regularly.

TheGhostsAndGhoulsOfHitchhikin Sun 27-Oct-13 20:35:08

I am always logged on mn.
If my HE ever looked then so be it.

BabyMummy29 Sun 27-Oct-13 20:32:38

I found the chat site I was on was a great help when going through my break-up. Somehow it was much easier to discuss things with strangers as I couldn't talk to family members without being judged.

slothlike Sun 27-Oct-13 20:31:22

I think he is BU, unless you are posting personal information about him in a way that might reveal who he is to those who know him offline.

SigmundFraude Sun 27-Oct-13 20:31:12

I would be seriously pissed off if DH was discussing any issues we have on a public forum. This is why I wouldn't post anything that I would be unhappy for him to see, and keep discussions private with RL friends and family. Plus they know me, know him, and the advice is more measured.

MacaYoniandCheese Sun 27-Oct-13 20:31:07

Def. LTB. That's a deal breaker.

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sun 27-Oct-13 20:30:53

DH knows i uses MN, i never log off he is welcome to have a look at what i post at any time.

I once posted about Him. He saw it and I owe the people who took the time to reply my relationship.

I don't see why MN has to be a secret.

there is nothing here I wouldn't say in RL.

WorraLiberty Sun 27-Oct-13 20:30:38

Who is he? Is he your DH or your BF?

And the personal info you've shared, is it just yours or his too?

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