To want friends to be in same postition as me for my own selfish reasons

(142 Posts)
SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 12:56:39

I know I am been unreasonable and all that but I'm still going to moan here and I expect you all yo agree with me and ignore the unreasonableness of it grin

I have been intouch with friends to see if anyone fancies going for a pub lunch.

I'm alone every Sunday as the toddler is at his dads. I'm bored and hungry and I haven't seen friends in weeks and some in months.

All the texts and calls have said roughly the same thing and the others ignored.

'Im with the boyfriend/husband, if he goes out later I will meet you'

'Im spending it with partner'

'We can do something next week as with fella today'

So AIBU to want all friends single? Even the ones with kids? I managed to see them while in a relationship and with a baby.

All I want is a couple of hours of their time in weeks/months. I'm the only single mother with a toddler. They are either in relationships, married or have babies but still with partner.

They only have time for me if their partners are out doing something. The plans to do something next week never happen but yet I'm the first person they call upon when they have problems.

I wish I could clone myself.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Mon 28-Oct-13 11:02:25

Our children are related through toddlers dads side as well. Didn't know she lived up the street from me til Saturday. Ex wont like it but he can swivel on a rusty pole for all I care.

Strumpetron Mon 28-Oct-13 11:00:06

Yay! Result

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Mon 28-Oct-13 10:58:03

Going for a pub lunch with a new friend and her daughter.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 21:17:17

2 I cant afford nights out. They want town and getting pissed at weekends. Yes, without their partners!

I didn't think 2 hours of there time once a month would be so hard

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 21:15:52

I know I'm been unreasonable as I know its my own fault I'm in this situation and not theirs.

I just really wanted a pub lunch and a chat with an adult.

I'm currently arguing with the toddler about whether Nemo is Marlins son or grandson. I'm right but he isn't backing down.

2rebecca Sun 27-Oct-13 21:15:15

I'd rather meet up on an evening at a weekend. Lunch stops you doing things all day especially if a pub lunch as then can't concentrate all afternoon. Even when single I wouldn't want to meet up at lunch time. If you said lets go for a bike ride of 40k incorporating a pub I'd be up for it.

happy2help Sun 27-Oct-13 21:14:12

See - you're so funny I posted it twice confused!

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 21:14:01

They still say no due to the spare wheel thing.

One friends partner is one controlling dick who I wont be around. He also tells her I'm a bad influence. Dont know how though. I have to wait til he is working away to see her.

happy2help Sun 27-Oct-13 21:13:33

OP, I wish you lived near me, you sound like a brilliant friend and a right laugh - don't think I've ever laughed out loud on mn till this thread! Hope you somehow get some decent friends - preferably single ones whose DCs are at their dad's the same days that your DS is!

happy2help Sun 27-Oct-13 21:12:42

OP, I wish you lived near me, you sound like a brilliant friend and a right laugh - don't think I've ever laughed out loud on mn till this thread! Hope you somehow get some decent friends - preferably single ones whose DCs are at their dad's the same days that your DS is!

maddening Sun 27-Oct-13 21:11:45

invjte the the partners too

Xmasbaby11 Sun 27-Oct-13 21:10:16

I'm married with a toddler DD (and work full time) but still have plenty of time to see friends. Definitely not as much as prekids (partly because of money) but probably once a week. I go out any evening, weekday or weekend, with friends, in fact more to suit when they are free since I am free most evenings! I also often meet up with a friend in the daytime at weekends, although that is always with DD too. I suppose I am a bit limited in that I don't go out until DD is on her way to bed, 7ish, because I work and like to have that time with her at home. But it's really not difficult fitting in friendships.

I think friends find time for you, and don't just wait until they are at a loose end. They don't sound like great friends to me.

Mia4 Sun 27-Oct-13 21:09:18

Oh and for meeting friends, I think there are online sites for that though I can't think of one right now- maybe someone else knows?

Mia4 Sun 27-Oct-13 21:08:16

YABU, OP to want them like that but you knew that anyway. YANBU to want them to spend some time with you. It's annoying when anyone in a relationship starts blowing you out and not bothering anymore.

While everyone has their own lives, there's a difference between genuinely being unable and busy and just being really bloody annoying. I once had friend who was the latter. She buggered off all the time when with her partners, made plans and broke them and let me and everyone down. Then when she broke off with her last boyfriend she expected (as usual) everyone to come running and to be honest after 10 years of being dumped and blown out I didn't consider her that much of a friend so I was very vague in order to distance myself and didn't commit.

Thants Sun 27-Oct-13 21:05:46

I do see my friends on my own but I'll also sometimes see them with my partner. I don't like this 'spare wheel' stuff! Why can't three people hang out and have fun? I spend time on my own with my friends who are a couple it is never awkward. They don't just get off with each other in front of me grin. We just all chat and it's nice.

MuffCakes Sun 27-Oct-13 21:02:45

I hate sundays to being single. I am lucky in that most my friends are single mums and we do a lot friday night and saturday with the dc so sunday I'm happy to stay in but when dd's at her dads and it's just me and the brat it's hard. I invite people over with the bribery of a roast/some sort of nice dinner but other times I can go all weekend without speaking to anyone but the dc.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 20:54:13

How do I find single mates? Go into and look for the spare wheels? grin

Thewalkingdeadkr Sun 27-Oct-13 20:52:55

I lol forward to seeing my dh on the rare weekends we get but there's always time to see a friend especially if we knew they were at a loose end.
Defo build up some single mates who are up for a laugh.

Butterytoast Sun 27-Oct-13 20:43:43

Sp it sounds like you need some nice new friends! I have a toddler too and dh works away a lot which can make meet ups tricky but I still manage to make time for all my friends. Friends should accept and embrace the things that are important to you like your son so I find it really off that they aren't interested in meeting with you when he is there!

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 20:35:37

Because they don't see my situation as that bad or lonely. They say 'oh, I'd live time away from partner' then when they have the chance dont bother.

idiuntno57 Sun 27-Oct-13 20:07:54

you may not be but there is quite a lot of 'family time' bashing on this thread.

You obvs feel very strongly about their apparent selfishness. Why not tell them how you are feeling?

GoldenGytha Sun 27-Oct-13 20:05:56

My DC are grown up now, and I'm single SP

If I lived in Leeds I'd go with you, love a good pub lunch,

Unfortunately though, I'm in Aberdeen, so a wee bit too far to travel.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 20:05:13

And I haven't condemned anyone

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 20:04:31

I'd understand if these couples had kids or didn't see each other much but that's not the case at all.

Auntidote Sun 27-Oct-13 20:04:17

Not condemning people for spending time with their families, but for dumping their friends who don't have families.

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