to feel hurt that my daughter doesn't want my knitted baby clothes?

(396 Posts)
Mayflower64 Sat 26-Oct-13 00:35:40

My daughter lives a long way from us and is four months pregnant. She came to visit last week and I showed her all the clothes I'd knitted for the baby, all modern cardigans, coats and hats, no old-fashioned lacy matinee jackets as I knew she wouldn't like those. She looked at them and said straight out that she didn't want any of them as she didn't like knitted stuff for babies. I was so hurt, they had been made with so much love for her and the future baby. Are knitted things for babies really out of fashion these days? Am I just being stupid to still feel so upset???

fifi669 Sat 26-Oct-13 00:39:53

They probably aren't the done thing now. I understand why you're upset, time and thought went into making them, they're just old fashioned now.

Really she should have accepted them, put them on baby when visiting and been a bit more polite.

thehorridestmumintheworld Sat 26-Oct-13 00:40:21

yanbu knitted stuff is in fashion and knitting is in fashion. She should have accepted your gift kindly even if these aren't the clothes she would choose personally. Maybe your relationship with your dd is not very good for some reason?

AgentZigzag Sat 26-Oct-13 00:41:47

Well it's kind of good she feels she can say no as there's nothing worse than having lots of stuff you're not into.

But she's done it in such an incredibly rude way that she's left you feeling hurt and stupid.

She's being very unreasonable to do that.

You sound lovely, could you donate them to your local maternity ward?

When I was pregnant with DD2, my aunt knitted her tons of beautiful stuff (and she made a really cool cardy/beanie hat for DD1 who was 9 YO at the time).

DD never wore all of it at once, but I dressed them both up and took piccys for her before putting them away for fear of spoiling them.

What's your relationship like with your DD normally?

EverythingUnderControl Sat 26-Oct-13 00:42:30

sad They sound lovely.

awakemysoull Sat 26-Oct-13 00:43:30

I've recently been given loads of hand knitted items for dd2 who is 4 months old.

I was genuinely please with them and knew how much time and effort had been put into making them. They are so much nicer than shop bought items and will keep baby nice and warm.

She was very rude but you could put it down to hormones and just accept that she wasn't thinking before she spoke.

If you live near a hospital, the baby units would love them. I donated all dd1s knitted items to the post natal wards and they were really pleased.

aufaniae Sat 26-Oct-13 00:44:58

How ungrateful. sad

My mum, MIL, and half of scotland MIL's friends all knit for DS and DD. Some of it I love, some of it isn't really my style, but I really appreciate all of them as they were made with love, as you say.

DontCallMeDaughter Sat 26-Oct-13 00:45:20

I agree that she should have been a bit more polite. My mil knits all sorts of things for us and we take them with love but I have to admit, dd only wears them in photos and when mil visits. Wool isn't very practical... I'm never sure if I can wash it and I worry dd will overheat.

That said, there are some amazingly cute baby hat patterns out there now. Every now and again mil comes up with a real cracker that's the envy of all of my friends!! And the website Petit Purls has some nice patterns that have even inspired me to pick up the knitting needles. The red riding good cape is my favourite. Will add a link...

I'm sorry your daughter isn't being a bit more grateful, I can understand why you're hurt.

takeitonthegin Sat 26-Oct-13 00:45:46

Maybe it's pregnancy hormones that are making your daughter rude and ungrateful? I have 2 DC and 1 on the way. All of them have had knitted items and they are the most precious clothes they have, I'll never part with them because they have been knitted by my grandma's/aunties.

Is your daughter usually that harsh?

aderynlas Sat 26-Oct-13 00:45:47

I think that was a lovely thing to do mayflower. See lots of people paying alot of money for hand knitted baby clothes at craft fairs. Perhaps they are coming back into fashion.

DontCallMeDaughter Sat 26-Oct-13 00:47:08

I always loved the hand knitted cardis, they're perfect over a baby grow. I've kept them all, because they're so lovely. My mum kept the ones I was in and my los used them too.
Sorry your dd doesn't feel the same, maybe a refuse might use them? Or you could sell them?
I do think she was rude though to tell you she didn't want them, she could have said thanks and took them.
You sound lovely op smile

Funghoul Sat 26-Oct-13 00:48:11

Yanbu I love knitted stuff and have actually asked for more for dd for Christmas. She'll be 7 months and will have outgrown all the first batch by then. Nothing nicer than a nice soft cardigan for a baby, your dd was rude.

ChilledGhost Sat 26-Oct-13 00:48:37

Yanbu but it's better she did this rather than taking it then not using it ans feeling guilty. My DM knits things for Christmas that go to help charities now so she knows they'll be appreciated there.

Kleptronic Sat 26-Oct-13 00:49:10

Oh no you are not stupid, don't say that about yourself. I think what you have done is a beautiful thing.

Possibly your daughter may be worried (I say this because I had a thing about not getting anything for the baby too soon in case something went wrong, I was superstitious), or maybe she has the baby's clothes all researched and planned in her mind?

Perhaps she's concerned about how to wash them, I know I'd be terrified of ruining them.

Of course it could be exactly what she said and she just doesn't like knitted things. In which case, I think I appreciate her forthrightness, but completely understand why you feel hurt.

You have put love into them and she hasn't realised and acknowledged that. You have every right to feel hurt!

SkinnedAlive Sat 26-Oct-13 00:50:24

Oh - that's really horrible of her. YANBU. Maybe she was just having a very bad day but no reason to behave so badly towards you - I also agree with the posters above. Aside from the love you put in which should have been appreciated irrespective of her likes and dislikes, knitted baby clothes are really expensive to buy in the chic baby shops where I live, and they are certainly not out of fashion. I am sure the clothes are gorgeous. If she doesn't want them then there would be loads of people that would have your hand off for them if you put them on e-bay or even a charity shop if you didn't feel right selling them. Don't let such lovely things go to waste. I am so sorry your daughter has hurt you like this sad

Mayflower64 Sat 26-Oct-13 00:53:57

My relationship with my daughter is normally really good, maybe that's why I'm so upset at her reaction. Agent Zigzag, you are right when you say it's left me feeling stupid for making them as it never occurred to me she wouldn't like them and perhaps it should have done. I guess, like some of you have suggested, I'll give them to some kind of hospital or charity. Oh dear, crying again, perhaps I'm the hormonal one!! :-(

xCupidStuntx Sat 26-Oct-13 00:54:59

God the cheek of her, I wish my mam was here to knit cardis for my DD sad

It's difficult though isn't it because my Mum wanted to knit a cardigan when I was pregnant, I don't like hand knitted things on babies personally so instead of her spending hours on something I wouldn't really use I suggested she knit a blanket instead since it was something I'd like and use. Caused a massive strop and she's refused to knit anything now and is all hurt. Would it have been better for me to dress her in clothes I really don't like? Or make excuses about why she never wears it after hours if work had gone in? Can't win really.

LongTailedTit Sat 26-Oct-13 00:58:24

My mum can't knit but gets others to do it for her so all her GC have new knitted cardis at Xmas! The kids love them, Dsis and I love them. I buy some at markets too. Only cardigans and hats tho.

I'm sorry your DD wasn't keen, she might be more interested once the baby is here? I grew a bit more patience manners with my mum after having DS.

TBH, she might have many strong opinions about babies now, perhaps wait until she has a real one 24/7 and see if she mellows a bit... grin

AgentZigzag Sat 26-Oct-13 00:59:18

Aww, hey now <hug>

If you've got a great relationship with her normally then definitely don't take it to heart.

Could there be something going on in her life that's stressing her out? (apart from the pregnancy)

Taking the time to knit them was a lovely thing to do, what about hanging on to them for a while because she could change her mind?

Could she realise she's been harsh when she thought about it after leaving you?

What about her DP/DH, would he tell her she might have upset you or maybe want them for his baby?

Yermina Sat 26-Oct-13 01:00:00

Sorry mayflower :-(

Bet your knitted clothes are beautiful.

I treasured the things MIL knitted for my dc's - i felt honoured that she'd gone to so much trouble for them. Your dd is very rude and ungrateful - sorry to say this, because I'm sure you love her to bits!

DIddled Sat 26-Oct-13 01:00:07

Love love love hand knits- my son ( now aged 15) - had some lovely bits and bobs - they go mad for it in the USA- my nan (RIP) used to send parcels over full of hand knits for the babies we had over there.

Mattissy Sat 26-Oct-13 01:01:42

Knitting is considered cool nowadays, apparently lots of models knit between photo shoots and it's en vogue.

I had a few pieces for my babies, they were always much nicer than shop bought and washed really well. I'd have liked more.

TaraKnowles Sat 26-Oct-13 01:05:18

Dontcallmedaughter I sent my MIL the red riding cape and said, 'I wish I could knit, if I could I would knit this' was that too much of a hint?

Op I love all the knitted things my dc have had. Probably when baby is here she will want them. Don't cry. You are going to be one lovely grandmother.

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