WIBU? Asking school to not use Mr and Mrs. R Bonkers

(294 Posts)
bonkersLFDT20 Wed 09-Oct-13 11:10:53

Got a letter from DS1's secondary school.
It was addressed to Mr and Mrs R Bonkers
R is my husband's initial.

I've just written to them suggesting they use more a more modern way to address parents e.g Mr and Mrs Bonkers or Mr R. Bonkers & Mrs M Bonkers.

WIBU?

FlirtyGurty Fri 11-Oct-13 15:25:16

Oooh took all of 30 seconds to type my post and did I rant???

SconeRhymesWithGone Fri 11-Oct-13 15:31:16

some people need to wake up and start thinking about some real shit going on in the real world rather than petty shit like this

To which I quote once again LadyBigtoes:

Deep, ingrained acceptance of inequality like this underpins and props up all kinds of much worse, more dangerous manifestations of sexism.

bonkersLFDT20 Fri 11-Oct-13 15:35:29

scones do you honestly ONLY ever think about "real shit" in the "real world"? Really?

bonkersLFDT20 Fri 11-Oct-13 15:36:32

coming my response to their reply was to simply thank them. I am glad I wrote to them.

PepperGrinder Fri 11-Oct-13 15:42:20

The Quaker form of address is my favourite, although I didn't know it was Quaker and as an atheist I feel a bit meh about that... grin

In my world there would be no titles, and if people wanted to express their unit-dom they would legally have to adopt a made-up surname. I suspect people would find a way to function with their original names when faced with two lots of name-changing paperwork. hmm After all it is a piece of piss really.

MrsDeVere Fri 11-Oct-13 15:45:15

Flirty
My daughter is dead
My husband has a progressive neurological disorder
One of my sons is disabled.

Yet somehow at the grand old age of 46 this petty stuff does bother me.
Enough for me to ask the school to revise their policy.

Anyone who churns out the 'omg don't you have anything to worry about' crap

really needs to think.before.they.type.

ZingDollyChops Fri 11-Oct-13 16:21:46

MrsD as always thanks

SconeRhymesWithGone Fri 11-Oct-13 16:24:13

bonkers I was quoting coming in the bolded part of my post and then taking issue with her on that point. I was trying to make the point that I don't consider your issue with the school "petty shit."

Hi MrsDeV,
Did you get a good response from your DCs school on this ?
Are you going to the meet-up - I'd love to see you there this time - you escaped before I found you last year smile
Always remembering Billie flowers

Pepper - did you know you can be a Quaker "non-theist" or atheist these days ? Those early Friends (Quakers) were ahead of their times in a few ways!

MrsDeVere Fri 11-Oct-13 16:31:09

Hi juggling,

I m planning to go to the meetup. smile

The response was meh. They thought I was objecting to them including OH on the envelope at all hmm

So they sent me a rambling reply about having to keep both parents informed.

Once I had got through to them they sort of went 'oh. ok'.

Mind you I have bigger fish to fry with that school atm.

bonkersLFDT20 Fri 11-Oct-13 16:33:05

Sorry scone blush

Searching for the quote though, I think it was flirty not coming.

MrsD thanks

PepperGrinder Fri 11-Oct-13 16:37:01

Oh Juggling, no I didn't. Thanks smile

SconeRhymesWithGone Fri 11-Oct-13 16:41:29

Thanks bonkers. And yes, it was Flirty, sorry coming. blush

grovel Fri 11-Oct-13 16:43:08

I think you were right to take on the name Bonkers.

DD's school does take the trouble to address letters about DD to Mr HisFirstName HisSurname and Ms HerFirstName HerSurname. They'd asked for these details from everyone at the start so that's what they use.

DS's primary send all letters addressed to Parent/Carer of DS Full Name.

edam Fri 11-Oct-13 23:29:51

I'm amazed there are so many women on this thread stoutly defending the Mr and Mrs hisfirstname hissurname 1950s ettiquette. Every other thread there has been on MN about people writing to 'Mr & Mrs R Brown' has been very much the other way round, with loads of people objecting to being addressed by their husband's first name.

Good grief. Even my Godmother, in her 80s, had moved on enough that by the time she married again, after being widowed, she added her new husband's surname to her own, instead of changing it entirely. And she is very, very, very keen on and experienced in using all formal etiquette. Sort of person you could rely on to sort out all the placement at a formal dinner party for 60, with guests including bishops and professors and peers and so on.

curlew Fri 11-Oct-13 23:32:46

"I'm amazed there are so many women on this thread stoutly defending the Mr and Mrs hisfirstname hissurname 1950s ettiquette."

There are always plenty of women ready to leap to the defence of misogyny in all it's manifestations large and small.

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 11-Oct-13 23:45:49

It's just outdated now. A one off random letter I could put up with but I wouldn't if it would be repeated year on year.

I do plan to take my dp's name when we marry next year. However that has a lot to do with me preferring his surname to mine (it is highly amusing to some). If I had a surname that didn't seem to invite both men and woman to make hilarious comments I probably wouldn't.

BlueStones Sat 12-Oct-13 18:29:03

Awful lot of minimisation of sexism here. "It's no biggie", and so on. Just what the old-school sexists want you to believe.

head-to-desk manoeuvre

And those who are "proud" to have taken on their husband's name ... given that it is an equal partnership, was he not equally "proud" of you, and hoping to take your name on? Did you deny him the honour of showing his pride in this way?

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