Just had probably the most stressful phone conversation ever with my mother!!!
We are buying a house, and my parents are moving into the top floor as a granny annexe because my mum is disabled and my dad needs some help looking after her (it's a 3 storey house). They will have a bedroom, shower room and living room on the top floor.
We will share use of the kitchen, but the rest of the house is ours. There is no spare bedroom.
The house is most likely not going to be completed until the end of November, and according to Persimmon, they need two weeks after it's built before we can move in - so that's going to be the middle of December. We are renting the house we are in at the moment, just waiting for the new house to be built.
We are putting on a conservatory as soon as the house is finished, obviously weather permitting for the laying of the groundwork - this will be a shared area, but will be quite large (9m x 3.3m).
My mother, without discussing it with anyone, decided to invite my grandparents and uncle down from Scotland for Christmas, to stay in the new house. She has decided that she and my dad will sleep on a sofa bed in their living room, my grandparents will sleep in my parents room and my uncle can either sleep in my DS1 or DS2(not yet born....) bedroom.
I initially agreed to this after much ranting at DH on the proviso that the conservatory was built and this would be the "living space" that was used when they were down- not our family living room. This was initially ok as the house build was well ahead. It has since fallen behind so we are back to probably only getting in mid-December.
Today, my mum starts going on about Christmas again, and I pointed out that it was now more unlikely that the conservatory would be built do maybe she and my dad could go up to my grandparents as obviously the deal was they'd only come down if we were settled and the conservatory was built.
She started going on about it being one of the few Christmases they have left (the very thing she berated my MiL for when DH's Nan was still alive!!!) etc etc.
So now I am properly dreading Christmas. I am even considering retaining the rent on this house until January and becoming an antisocial recluse over Christmas because I am so angry an upset about being pushed and guilt tripped into spending my baby's first Christmas in the very way I didn't want to - 7 adults crammed into my living room for a week, having to pander to other people's times, needs and wants instead of my children's, not being able to lie on my couch and snooze, watching what I want on tv after being up and down half the night with the baby.
I know writing this down makes it seem so selfish, but my mother has a history of "showing off" and I know that this is why she has to have Christmas the way she wants it, with no real thought to the fact she is imposing on MY living space and my first Christmas with my new baby and DS1 as a big brother.
I even suggested she could go up there with my dad - my grandparents don't like travelling and are in their mid 80s, but she puts a huge amount of pressure on them every year to come down at Christmas, despite the roads being very busy and the weather so poor.
I can't rant to DH about it as he has just spent 3 weeks in a psychiatric hospital with severe PTSD, and the stress of hearing me on the phone to my mother earlier was even too much for him - so goodness knows what he will be like if she insists on going ahead with it. Waiting for my brother to call me to chat but he is ill as is his wife and DS so I fully expect not to hear from him tonight.
I'm just so frustrated at being effectively forced into what will be a really stressful christmas, after having just been through the worst period in my life while DH was in hospital, and about to have a new baby at the start of November.
I'm hurt that my mother thinks it's ok to try to guilt trip me with my grandparents deaths and I just feel like screaming about it all ??
Am I being unreasonable in feeling like this, or is my mother?
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AIBU?
To want to have a bit of peace at Christmas in my own home?
91 replies
ILiveInAPineappleCoveredInSnow · 06/10/2013 19:17
OP posts:
moldingsunbeams ·
06/10/2013 20:19
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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