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to feel under pressure to look a certain way while i am pregnant?? ie slim with small neat bump

(81 Posts)
mistyshouse Sun 06-Oct-13 19:09:48

am 3 months pg with dc3 and i was the same with the others as well. i took it a bit too far with dc2 and i only gained about 14 - 17lbs with her. and ended up having to have a growth scan at 32 weeks as my bump was so small. she is fine though but sometimes i still feel bad that i could have harmed her somehow sad

i don't want to do that this time. but i am still finding myself calorie counting and feeling guilty if i go over 2000 cals in a day or eat particularly unhealthy foods.

i like to keep slim when not pg and watch what i eat and try not to go above a certain weight. i think a major reason for my not wanting to get too big in pg is because i think the smaller i can be the easier it will be to get back in shape once the baby's here.

i have this look in my mind that i want and its tiny and slim all over with just a neat bump and never getting massive. i had that last time but it was through depriving myself and the baby, plus was only 28 so i was younger, am 33 now so realistically am gonna struggle to get any sort of decent shape back. i don't want that this time but at same time cant face getting massive.

someone said i already had a "little bump" yesterday and i was mortified, ended up crying afterwards. i don't know why, i feel like i shouldn't have one yet at only 3 months

dh knows how i feel and thinks i am being silly. and probably lots of you will think i am being shallow and awful. i wonder if anyone will admit to being the same?

Although that said, I wasn't that fussed about how my bump looked in any of my 3 pregnancies. It had its own postcode by the end it was so huge, the only thing that varied was the size of my arse.

WorraLiberty Sun 06-Oct-13 21:41:31

You're lucky Twatty

Eat what you want when you want it has caused untold amounts of problems for a very high number of women.

Many of whom are still trying to lose their 'baby weight' years and years after giving birth.

I think all things in moderation (as long as pregnancy safe) is far better advice.

Not least because gaining so much weight during a first pregnancy, often leads to conceiving subsequent children while overweight/obese.

And that often increases the risk of ill health to both mother and baby.

Worra, you are probably right. I was lucky to have a fairly normal appetite with ds, so even the eat what you want when you want worked well for me, I did put on 2 stone, but lost most of that in the first 3 months, and the rest was gone by 6 months. With dd I had to eat what I wanted whenever I felt like it because I felt sick most of the time and the odd window of an hour or so when I actually wanted to eat, I just necked whatever food was quick and easy and the thought of which didn't make me want to throw up.

Trigglesx Mon 07-Oct-13 07:53:28

The best thing, of course, is to speak to your midwife about this. He/she needs to know this is a concern for you, so they can monitor how you're doing and take the pressure off you worrying over it.

I gained over 30 lbs with DC1, 8 lbs with DC2, and 6 lbs with DC3. I was eating much healthier with the pregnancies for DC2 and DC3. All three babies were the between 8lb and 8lb6oz.

The important thing is to make sure you eat healthy foods, drink plenty of water and milk, and discuss any concerns with your midwife. That's what they are there for - to help you through the pregnancy, not just to deliver the baby.

mistyshouse Mon 07-Oct-13 07:54:33

Not pregnant, I am slim and it's very important to me, I don't think I have an eating disorder but I'd never let myself get fat either. Pregnant, I am enormous and because I'm usually small, it gets remarked on a lot and I hate it, I feel really self conscious and like I should have a size 8 body with a bump

yes prettyfly that pretty much describes how i feel - i am short - 5 foot 2 and if i am any bigger than about 8 stone and maybe a couple of pounds i look fat IMO. atm am 8 stone 2, have not gained anything yet but don't get me wrong, i am not starving myself, am calorie counting and making sure i don't go over 2000 cals. usually i eat about 1500 - 1700

not sure where the pressure comes from. myself i think

i remember lots of people saying when i was pg with dc2 and really slim "wow misty you look amazing you can barely tell you are pg" envy like it was a good thing. all my friends seemed jealous

and i was massive with DC1. i looked like a weeble. i ate what i wanted and put on over 3 stone and i hated myself, felt disgusting and so fat and ugly

amber381 Mon 07-Oct-13 08:09:23

I understand how you feel and I do think there is a kind of pressure that comes from the way people react to the way you look when pregnant. I am pregnant and I just eat as much as I want and do not generally give any thought to how much weight I am gaining, however, I do always feel good if someone tells me I'm not big at all or 'it's all bump, you haven't gained any weight'. I also felt bad in the early months if someone pointed out my bump. Now when someone tells me 'wow you're so big now!' or some such thing I don't like it, even though I know they don't mean anything negative by it.

Like I said, it doesn't make me eat any less though! It's just a slightly pleased or miffed feeling that passes.

bigknickersforthepicker Mon 07-Oct-13 08:25:10

I loved being all round and pregnant with dd1. I gained 4st. ... two years on ive still got 3st to loose and I hate how I look. If I could go back. ..

next time ill be so much more careful.

bigknickersforthepicker Mon 07-Oct-13 08:25:47

That said OP I think you need some help to relax. . speak to your midwife

callamia Mon 07-Oct-13 08:44:00

I'm currently pregnant with my first child, and haven't put on a lot of weight - about as much as you did first time round. I've had comments about not being very big, which at some points has really made me feel worried. None of this is through a lack of eating on my part.

My point is that people will make comments regardless of the weight you appear to gain or don't gain. It seems to give people free reign to make personal comments, at the same time removing people's sense of tact or sensitivity. I've learnt to ignore those comments and focus on the feedback I've got from my midwife about baby size.

As long as you eat well and with plenty of good nutrition, then you're doing the best for you and your baby. I agree with all of those who say to be kind to yourself, your body and brain are going through enough.

AngryGnome Mon 07-Oct-13 08:48:02

The problem is that weight gain during pregnancy is such an individual thing. I gained a horrific amount of weight when pregnant - 6 stone, that's an entire Cheryl cole! But, I lost 4 stone in a month after he was born without even trying - it was clearly just some dreadful water retention and the baby itself. I lost the other two stone relatively easily with sensible diet management. I think the best thing you can do is talk to your midwife and she should be able to provide you with reassurance and advice on appropriate weight gain.

Trigglesx Mon 07-Oct-13 08:49:38

Many women show much sooner in subsequent pregnancies than they did in the first pregnancy, so try not to stress over that. Remember it could also just be simple bloating here and there in the early stages.

valiumredhead Mon 07-Oct-13 08:58:55

Professionally I think it's quite unusual not too have a little bump at 3 months. Many women show much earlier than that,I know I did.

I think the only pressure you are feeling is pressure you are putting on yourself. You really sound like you have an issue Wrt food and think you should seek help.

Good luck and congratulations btwthanks

valiumredhead Mon 07-Oct-13 09:03:40

Personally

mistyshouse Mon 07-Oct-13 09:44:08

i am definitely putting the pressure on myself. i don't think i have an eating disorder though as i am not underweight, my bmi is about 21 or 22 i think so thats in the healthy range.

i am just so worried about the state my body will be in afterwards, esp my tummy, that is an area of my body i am obsessed with since having dcs. pre dc's it was so flat. the rest of my is OK, my legs, arms are still slim and even my boobs have got away mostly unscathed from the other 2 dcs. but my tummy is fucked and i hate it so god knows what it will be like after this one. i have had (and will have with this one) sections as well so that makes matters worse

i have even been looking into having a tummy tuck afterwards blush

plentyofsoap Mon 07-Oct-13 09:50:31

I think you are over anxious and maybe speak to your midwife? I kept going to the gym not to watch my weight, but to stay healthy. If you have a healthy bmi and it remains so in pregnancy that is normal. I have put on two stone and not quite term, yet but I enjoy what I eat and as long as baby is growing well it will come off after. Enjoy your pregnancy.

kohl Mon 07-Oct-13 10:07:58

Congratulations on your pregnancy!
It is very possible to have an eating disorder, or to have disordered thinking about weight/food, and not be underweight.
It sounds as though you are putting a huge amount of pressure on yourself which seems so sad, bearing in mind that this should be a happy time, preparing for your new baby, and I imagine quite an exhausting time already when you have 2 other dcs.
You talk about being obsessed with your tummy, and feeling disgusting when pregnant with dc1. That's some really strong language to use about yourself which makes me think that this might be something to talk over with someone.
What's your relationship like with your midwife? Is this something you'd want to discuss with her? Failing that, maybe a course of counselling (you can find people on the bacp or ukcp websites)? It sounds extreme, but this sounds like a heavy thing to bear all by yourself, especially if you're thinking of surgery.
On a more practical note, I've had a tricky relationship with my body, and something that really helped me in my last pg, oddly enough, was yoga. There's something about being nice to my body, appreciating it for the baby it's nurturing and growing, and also keeping toned that made me relax around some of my feelings about it.

FreakinRexManningDay Mon 07-Oct-13 10:25:40

I agree with kohl it certainly sounds like your thinking is disordered when it comes to food and I really do think you need to speak to someone.

i had serious eating disorders before I had my daughter in 2010. My BMI was 16 when I got pregnant. I completely got rid of that way of thinking as I realised it was incompatible with a healthy pregnancy.

Your focus should be on your baby and having the healthiest pregnancy you can, not how you look and how 'jealous' your friends are of your 'tiny bump'. Eating disorders are incredibly inward-looking and narcissistic (I know this very much from first-hand experience) and pregnancy shouldn't be.

I am now 27 weeks pregnant with my second child and am proud of my big bump. Good luck with sorting your head out.

VenusDeWillendorf Mon 07-Oct-13 10:42:33

The only diet you need to go on is one from the comments on your size!

Honestly, people drive me mad with their "your bump looks small, your bump looks big"!

If you are eating a health balanced diet, you and your babe will be perfectly fine. Talk to a nutritionist or dietitian if you're worried you may be a bit OCD about it. I'm sure you're fine, you may be a bit anxious about how of are going to cope with the baby, and that's perfectly natural, especially if its a surprise baby, or you had settled into a groove and got your mojo back after having your other DC, and this loss of control may manifest by being a little obsessive about your diet.

You only need an extra tuna sandwich in the last three months a day from your normal amount to sustain the babe.

All this eat what you like rubbish is pure self indulgent drivel, and neither good for babe or mum!!

I was 8 stone three at three months, and only had a bump at 7 months. I'm also 5'3". My hospital dietitian was very pleased, as she had case after case of diabetic woman who were stuffing themselves with carby sugary snacks etc. and having terrible health problems which would persist after the pregnancy.
I went to her as I have dairy allergies, and wanted to know if i could eat soft cheeses (goat) etc to support my bone health. (I could, you can grill soft cheeses, and that's fine).

There's no need to blow up like a whale, and it will be difficult to get back to your healthy weight if you've put on too much, which in turn will be very bad for your fitness and health.

Best of luck with our pregnancy and getting back to our weight where you are happiest after the birth.

Don't listen to the comments about your bump. Some people have to fill a silence. See the hospital psychologist if you feel that you are overwhelmed by this pregnancy. They are there to help.

FreakinRexManningDay Mon 07-Oct-13 12:27:04

VenusDeWillendorf GD is not caused by stuffing yourself with carby sugary foods.

Venus if the OP, as seems likely, is suffering from a form of eating disorder, your comments are not helpful.

She doesn't need encouragement to weigh herself throughout pregnancy, or competitive praise about how late in pregnancy other people started to show.

She is already unhealthily preoccupied with her own weight and appearance to the potential detriment of her pregnancy.

Oh and is your username meant to be ironic??!

Bonsoir Mon 07-Oct-13 12:36:38

9 kilos is the maximum weight that French doctors allow expectant mothers to gain before berating them and putting them on a diet.

Are you planning to breastfeed, OP?

mrsjay Mon 07-Oct-13 12:39:42

Love you have body issues you are pregnant you need to eat to feed your baby contact your midwife today if possible I dont want to sound harsh but what you are doing is a little bit selfish you need to feed yourself and your baby

mrsjay Mon 07-Oct-13 12:41:37

i have even been looking into having a tummy tuck afterwards

well why dont you just put the neat bump slim all over out of your head say fuck i am going to eat normally and then consider the tummy tuck after wards,

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