WIBU to move out and take everything

(976 Posts)
FarOverTheRainbow Mon 30-Sep-13 08:15:54

Bit of background. My OH decided to end out relationship a few days ago. We have 1 DC under 1. I don't want the relationship to end at all, we have our problems and decieded we would give it one last try for each other but a couple of weeks in after telling me he had no intention of ending things he no has. I'm heart broken. We rent a house of his parents and they have said if I stay they will increase the rent to so can't afford to stay so I'm moving out with DD. The tenancy is all in my name. XP has said he is moving in wen I love out so the only things I'm allowed to take is DDs things because he needs the rest. I'm a SAHM mum and he has a good paying job, I think should have most the bigger stuf like fridge, dryer, sofa but he says I have nothing. When we brought anything we both put money into everything and had 1 pit so it was all just "ours" I'm angry I'm being forced out my home with DD and now he says I'm not allowed anything. So WIVU to take it anyway?

Please don't flame me if I am, my heads a mess, I've lost my whole life and now I'm expected to start again from
Nothing while he has everything

FarOverTheRainbow Thu 28-Nov-13 20:16:04

I have 1 smoke alarm and have brought another today smile

I think everyone is onthe other thread now thanks

perfectstorm Thu 28-Nov-13 19:32:02

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about them. They're nasty bullies, but the reality is you're moving out soon into a property they can't control, you're dd's primary carer and the involved professionals have said they think you're doing a good job and will back you, and they've provided evidence of their nastiness to support your concerns to the point WA have offered a refuge place. As to the alarm, well, you need one for your own safety but there are no rules about how you fit it as a private person in your own home, I don't think! And if you don't want to read their letter, you don't actually have to answer the door to the postman, either. They can't make you do anything, and you don't have to listen to their demands or accusations. You're free of them - for good. You can make choices now based on what is best for you and your daughter.

JellyTopicecreamisthebest Thu 28-Nov-13 19:22:58

try again here

JellyTopicecreamisthebest Thu 28-Nov-13 19:22:19

Here is some info on smoke alarms http://www.fireservice.co.uk/safety/smoke-alarms fire service web page]]

FarOverTheRainbow Thu 28-Nov-13 12:12:06

Thank you perfect storm that really does help. I've been and seen my HV at clinic today just for a chat and she was great and said that she's made sure my notes are completely up to date and ignore what they say about me being mental because they have never and have no concern about my mental health and she's been to y house before and there's no concerns.

I'm wondering when ill get this letter, It might be today recorded delivery because they'll want to make sure it's signed for to prove I've recieved it.

Do fire alarm have to be attaché to the wall of can they be left just placed on the side? I'm going to go and buy some today but I haven't got a clue what to do with them and I don't want to drill any holes because we know what will happen then

FarOverTheRainbow Thu 28-Nov-13 12:12:04

Thank you perfect storm that really does help. I've been and seen my HV at clinic today just for a chat and she was great and said that she's made sure my notes are completely up to date and ignore what they say about me being mental because they have never and have no concern about my mental health and she's been to y house before and there's no concerns.

I'm wondering when ill get this letter, It might be today recorded delivery because they'll want to make sure it's signed for to prove I've recieved it.

Do fire alarm have to be attaché to the wall of can they be left just placed on the side? I'm going to go and buy some today but I haven't got a clue what to do with them and I don't want to drill any holes because we know what will happen then

perfectstorm Thu 28-Nov-13 11:42:43

They cancelled placing smoke detectors in the house their dd and dgd lives in because they were angry you cancelled contact? How very concerned for her welfare they do sound. hmm

Don't worry about the SIL having a law degree. I have one, and even a master's in family law, and the most useful thing about it is that I know actual real lawyers I was at college with, who can help me when I need it because they know how. grin I couldn't possibly represent myself any better than a layperson, other than a slight head start in understanding the system/caselaw. And an undergrad degree covers so many areas of law, they can do none in any real depth; it's only at post-grad level that you can start to really get to grips with the theory behind policy and judicial thinking. Even then, there's a big difference between theoretical discussion of legal issues, and even legal advice work on someone's rights, and being a practitioner who can present a case well in court. In fact her being a cocky, over-confident little madam could be most unfortunate for her brother. We can hope! But yeah, her legal training is worth a hill of beans, especially if you have a good solicitor behind you. Women's Aid should be able to advise on locating someone excellent in your area.

I also think you need to talk to Women's Aid about how to prove abuse so you can access legal aid. I know your Dad is being great, but protracted litigation can cost tens of thousands of pounds. Hopefully it just won't come to that, but having legal aid would save a lot. Definitely thousands. And as Women's Aid have offered you a refuge place they clearly think you qualify (a night in a refuge is accepted as evidence qualifying you for it). Talk to them about how to access the help you deserve to protect dd going forwards.

And don't worry about any lies. You have a text in which he has asked when you feed her, what you feed her and how much. This was a baby he was supposedly sharing care for under the same roof, and had removed from your care for the entire day. That shows really clearly that you were and are primary carer, as do his nasty comments about breastfeeding. The main concerns are about not disrupting primary attachments and hers is clearly with you. You don't need to be perfect, just a good enough mum. So don't be frightened they can do a thing to you - their behaviour in evicting you and suggesting the baby lives in a shelter with you says it all, really.

springytickly Thu 28-Nov-13 11:28:19

YOu were going along with contact - despite the (significant) problems eg him not handing dd over until he got the telly ( hmm )

THEN you got medical and legal advice that you shouldn't allow contact. So you told him.

That's the timeline.

Buy your own smoke detector (or get one from the fire service) so you can say you have made sure you have smoke detectors.

FarOverTheRainbow Thu 28-Nov-13 11:24:10

Okay good. Now I just need to work up the courage to text him

ShinyBauble Thu 28-Nov-13 09:58:14

No, that's somethign that goes against them, not you. Just keep the texts.

FarOverTheRainbow Thu 28-Nov-13 09:39:20

Can they say when it goes to court of DD that I was endangering her by not allowing them to replace it? Even though I had texts of them
Arranging to send someone else then canceling because I wouldn't let XP have DD?

I don't want to let them in but I want to make sure I'm safe against them
Saying that

Hissy Wed 27-Nov-13 22:39:43

I'm no different to you, I had no choice. Do what you have to do to protect your rights.

The smoke detector is their responsibility, not yours.

Don't sweat any of this. Please. It's ok, they can't do a thing to you without a court order, or they're at risk of prosecution.

FarOverTheRainbow Wed 27-Nov-13 21:50:48

I've made one in relationships,really hope I don't lose anyone. Here's the link

Part2

ShinyBauble Wed 27-Nov-13 21:27:16

Relationships would be best I'd say?

FarOverTheRainbow Wed 27-Nov-13 20:57:14

Yeh I will make a new thread but where, here or relationships?

FarOverTheRainbow Wed 27-Nov-13 20:56:49

Wow HIssy you are one strong lady!

Can they say that I'm endangering DD by not having a smoke alarm? I have one at the top of the stairs but tbh I don't know if it works without the downstairs one.

I need to include that I'm not
Moving out until the 4th even though my eviction notice is the first?

springytickly Wed 27-Nov-13 20:42:34

Don't the give?? don't give the key, obvs.

springytickly Wed 27-Nov-13 20:41:25

You're coming up to the final page on your thread, Far. You'll start another one, yes? Don't leave us in the lurch! wink

springytickly Wed 27-Nov-13 20:39:59

Do ask Womens Aid if they still do the free lock changing service.

If you can't get the lock changed, add a new chubb lock - and don't the give, obvs.

My smoke alarms are stuck to the ceiling and run on batteries. Not expemsive (I think you can get free smoke alarms from the fire service?)

Hissy Wed 27-Nov-13 20:24:25

With respect, your mum's advice has been to capitulate to him every single time.

Do NOT let him in. You gave your notice to them ALL.

Not a living soul can enter there without your permission. Get the locks changed. Tomorrow!

Trust me, you have nothing to lose in this, he literally doesn't have the time to do anything. He can't do anything without a court order, and tbh, I don't think he'd get one even if he could get a court date inside 2-3 months.
Trust me!

I had THE
Landlady from hell, cab, shelter and some kickarse property management friends sorted me right out.

I changed the locks, didn't give a key. Told her solicitor that I wouldn't give her a key. Told her I was going to bar all viewings, all access and I called the police when she jumped the fence to try to get in.

All this during an abusive relationship. He was useless, and left me to it, and was in the house undermining me the whole time.

Found a new house, gave notice and moved, and all he did was move a few boxes on the day and pay the money.

You can do this love!

He ain't got nothing! You got mumsnet!

JiminyCricketsMiddleWicket Wed 27-Nov-13 20:17:57

Just to be on the safe side, get your own smoke alarm and keep the receipt; you'll need them for your new place anyway, even if there's some already fitted, the more the merrier I think. There are good ones that just screw into light bulb sockets so no fixing to ceilings etc.

Wouldn't want the outlaws and X saying you potentially endangered daughter just out of spite, would we ?

FarOverTheRainbow Wed 27-Nov-13 20:02:25

I haven't texted XP since I told him I was stopping contact and I'm ignoring the message he sent me after.

My mum thinks I should just let him in Friday and get it done. We've spoke about what WA said about calling SS and she thinks i might be a good idea but I'm not so sure

springytickly Wed 27-Nov-13 19:48:41

From my experience of representing myself in court (and numerous court appearances - family court!), Judges dont like know-it-alls. If she throws her weight around the judge won't like it at all. So let's hope she throws her weight around....

I can't see how you can be texting ex if you have told him not to contact you except through a solicitor. You can text his father but not him.

You're doing so well. It sounds like FIL can't gain access - unless he gets a court order re Hissy's advice re Quiet Enjoyment (a legal term). If somehow he has to gain entry, make the place look the same as always - hide any packing. Don't let them know you're moving out. then you can take everything when you do

FarOverTheRainbow Wed 27-Nov-13 19:11:28

I really hope she does represent him because lately I realise she's not as good as she likes to think or make out and she would love to be the one to beat me and get loads of access to DD and prove what an evil bitch I am and claim how good she is.

HoratiaDrelincourt Wed 27-Nov-13 18:51:32

And showing off. Don't forget that! She will want to show her family how clever she can be despite not getting her articles...

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