WIBU to move out and take everything

(976 Posts)
FarOverTheRainbow Mon 30-Sep-13 08:15:54

Bit of background. My OH decided to end out relationship a few days ago. We have 1 DC under 1. I don't want the relationship to end at all, we have our problems and decieded we would give it one last try for each other but a couple of weeks in after telling me he had no intention of ending things he no has. I'm heart broken. We rent a house of his parents and they have said if I stay they will increase the rent to so can't afford to stay so I'm moving out with DD. The tenancy is all in my name. XP has said he is moving in wen I love out so the only things I'm allowed to take is DDs things because he needs the rest. I'm a SAHM mum and he has a good paying job, I think should have most the bigger stuf like fridge, dryer, sofa but he says I have nothing. When we brought anything we both put money into everything and had 1 pit so it was all just "ours" I'm angry I'm being forced out my home with DD and now he says I'm not allowed anything. So WIVU to take it anyway?

Please don't flame me if I am, my heads a mess, I've lost my whole life and now I'm expected to start again from
Nothing while he has everything

TessTackle Mon 30-Sep-13 10:02:02

You 100% are entitled to at least half of what is there.
Seeing as he earns and you don't, get a van rented when he's not about and take it all. He sounds a complete and utter arsehole. You should be ale to get on a council waiting list (depending on your area) but I'd definitely recommend staying at your mums over a shelter, they're no place for children, trust me.

Hope it all works out for the best, you deserve better thanks

caramelwaffle Mon 30-Sep-13 10:03:09

Go and enjoy your holiday

Let him stay here and mope.

Good luck with everything.

BrokenSunglasses Mon 30-Sep-13 10:05:56

Gangsters, I think that depends on how long they have been together. I agree with you that if you have spent years building a whole life based around sharing that with someone else, then financial contribution is not the only thing that's relevant.

But in shorter relationships, I think the amount that each person contributed to the relationship counts. Otherwise you could have a couple with a child the same age as OPs where one person brings next to nothing and the other provides everything, and the latter gets completely shafted.

OP, you are doing the right thing by going to citizens advice. You need to stop listening to what you ex says, because you appear to be giving it far too much value at the moment, and get advice from people that can help you legally.

Glad you're taking legal advice. Your ex and his parents are heartless, bullying sods employing tactics of intimidation. My understanding is that in this kind of situation, the court's first responsibility is to the most vulnerable person, and that's your DD. The fact that you have a proper tenancy agreement in place should help your cause greatly. Hopefully you'll be able to stay in the house at least in the medium term, and be able to take a fair share of your stuff when you go.

iwantanafternoonnap Mon 30-Sep-13 10:09:59

I am so sorry you are going through this but believe me any man who thinks it is acceptable to behave this way towards his child and mother of his child is not worth your time and energy as he is clearly an arse. His family are also complete an utter bastards.

Get in touch with CAB, hire a lorry and take whatever you can out of there and put it in storage. My ex told me he was hiring a van to come and collect the furniture from our house....the furniture I had paid for as he hadn't paid a penny. I changed the locks and threw his stuff out on the driveway and it was well worth the £120 I paid.

Be prepared for a very bumpy ride as he and his family are already showing their true colours by forcing you out with nothing to show for what you put in. Contact CSA straight away and I mean today as they payments will only start from when you lodge it.

Stay strong, try and remain dignified and refuse to argue back with them. I didn't and regret acting like a screaming harpy!! Do not beg him to come back to you as he has clearly made his mind up and would not be surprised if their was another woman waiting in the wings.

Be very kind to yourself. xxxxxxxxxx

AuntySib Mon 30-Sep-13 10:12:38

You don't have to move out until/unless you are formally evicted. Your inlaws need to serve proper notice on you, and can't just put up the rent if you have a proper tenancy agreement.
Citizens Advice should be able to help.
I agree with other posters, make a list of what you've contributed.
By the way, I wouldn't normally ask, but you say the rental agreement is in your sole name, and he sounds really mean. Who paid the rent? if you did, then I would be asking him for a contribution towards it if he was livng there.
I'm wondering why the agreement was in your name only. Thinking it may for tax purposes. Might be worth checking this out, and possibly using it as a lever. Possible fraud?
Come back and explain with as much detail as possible, and we will all put our minds to it!
For the record, what an absolute bastard he is! I know it's really hard for you at the moment, but you are well shot of him.

LePamplemousseMousse Mon 30-Sep-13 10:36:49

I'm really shocked he is encouraging you to go to a shelter rather than to your mum's! He really has no consideration for his child, does he? I assume he's thinking if you make yourself homeless you'll get a better chance of getting a council house, but what about her (and your) quality of life until then? He and his parents sound horrible.

Honestly, I would stay put until you have legal clarity on your tenancy rights (unless he or they are being threatening or violent). Once you are out of the flat your position will be considerably weaker. At the moment OH and PILs consider you an inconvenience as they want it back, and you may be able to use that to negotiate on the furniture etc.

I also agree about contacting the CSA today and getting that in motion as from the sound of it he's going to resist supporting you and DD in the future.

I'd be a bit concerned if you go on the holiday what will happen while you're away, as - assuming his parents as landlords have keys - there wouldn't be much stopping them coming in and taking everything while you are gone. As the tenancy agreement is in your sole name they might have difficulty proving your OH had right of access (ironic as his parents own it!) but I'd check with the CAB about what happens if they do this when you are not on the premises. My assumption is that it would be theft under the circumstances, but best to know. As a tenant you couldn't change the locks without giving the landlord a key so I think that option is out.

I really feel for you OP. It sounds like he's shown his true colours and you're best out of the relationship. You do need to try and hold your nerve and not be intimidated out of what is your entitlement. As another poster has said keep your dignity and don't say much until you know your legal position and have taken advice.

sparechange Mon 30-Sep-13 10:37:29

We rent a house of his parents and they have said if I stay they will increase the rent to so can't afford to stay so I'm moving out with DD. The tenancy is all in my name.

When is the tenancy agreement up?
Because until it is, they cannot change the rent. You've signed a contract, and the rent is fixed until that contract is up.

He sounds like he is being a controlling arse, and he cant demand you leave everything because it makes his life easier. You have a child to look after...

ediblewoman Mon 30-Sep-13 10:44:42

Please please get decent housing advice, call Shelter on 0808 800 4444 between 8am and 8pm daily.

If you are the sole name on the tenancy agreement and it is a genuine arrangement (so his parents' don't live with you and you've been paying them rent on a regular basis - it doesn't matter if you don't have a formal document) then you have rights to remain in the property, I know you don't necessarily want to do that but don't just walk out as it could prevent you being able to get help from the council in your local area if you need help with housing from them.

Also you sound well shot of the nasty nasty man and his toxic family, big hugs and lots of luck for the future.

LEMisdisappointed Mon 30-Sep-13 10:48:04

God, what a cunt - you can tell where he gets it from though, his parents - what vile people, you are well rid of them, all of them - yuck

LEMisdisappointed Mon 30-Sep-13 10:49:29

oh and get some legal advice ASAP x

Norudeshitrequired Mon 30-Sep-13 10:54:12

Don't move! Go and get some housing advice as they cannot just raise the rent to force you out.
If you do move back to your mums just to get away from this nasty bunch of assholes that your ex calls his family then take everything and out it in storage whilst you look for a new home. Just leave him with his clothes and personal possessions. He doesn't deserve to be left with anything else.
What kind of man would want his child to be homeless?

Chattymummyhere Mon 30-Sep-13 11:00:00

Don't move out at all!!!

Legally if you have a tenancy agreement in your name what they are doing in illegal!! And Could cost them £1,000's in court!!! If they want you out they need to evict you though the proper chanels, if you leave of your own free will the council won't help you, also without being evicted or signing a document to end your tenancy you would still be liable for the rent!!

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 30-Sep-13 11:01:31

Glad your getting legal advice.do not do anything until you have.

You will discover that unless we are talking very high value items you could take the lot and there is bugger all he can do about it.

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 30-Sep-13 11:05:13

Some posters would be being far more honest if they actually highlighted that some of the crap they come out with is just opinion and is not based on anything else

Beastofburden Mon 30-Sep-13 11:06:36

Be very careful not to make yourself "intentionally homeless". If you do, you won't get any entitlement to somewhere else to live. Don't move out without legal advice. Wait until your tenancy ends, then if they refuse to renew it on terms that you can afford, you can seek help.

I'll say it again- if you move out when you don't legally have to, the council might refuse to rehouse you. Get advice.

34DD Mon 30-Sep-13 11:35:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MinesAPintOfTea Mon 30-Sep-13 11:43:43

He's being an arse, but once you have a feel for what you can fairly take, maybe offer the holiday in exchange for more? Basically you need to be as hard-nosed as he is to walk away with anything from this.

caramelwaffle Mon 30-Sep-13 12:17:12

It may be worth you looking into:

1. An Occupation Order
2. A non molestation order
3. Having a word with the liaison officer at your local police domestic violence unit in case your ex partner shows signs of - or becomes - violent.

FarOverTheRainbow Mon 30-Sep-13 13:29:46

I don't wan to stay in the house and have them hanging over me and I'm going to have to go on benefits so I don't know what ill be able to afford aswell as paying all the bills. I'm worried though that if I leave the council won't rehouse me.

I'm waiting to get DD back then ill phone cab.

caramelwaffle Mon 30-Sep-13 13:31:47

You're correct to be concerned: do not make yourself voluntarily homeless!

FarOverTheRainbow Mon 30-Sep-13 13:32:54

How do I make myself not love him? I want to hate him for everything he's done to me and our family. I'm sick of hurting and feeling so up and down

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 30-Sep-13 13:37:04

Have a look on your LA's website you should be ale to find out what the LHA for your area is (local housing allowance) that's what you use if private renting but you don't need to think about it if they allocate you a HA/LA house.

But and I mean this with total seriousness if you leave the house without being forced to by legal eviction (them writing to you telling you to leave is not good enough it has to be fully legal) then you will be classed as intentionally homeless and they will have no duty to house you. The only real exceptions to this are if you have to go to a refuge.do not willingly leave because you will end up homeless and he will have a very very good case to obtain residency of your child.

caramelwaffle Mon 30-Sep-13 13:40:40

You can't.

But time, and time apart will make it fade; until one day you will realise that you have not thought about him at all for 24/48/72 hours.

You are up and down because the adrenalin is pumping and making you ebb and flow physically and psychologically.

Shock is nausea inducing.

You are sad now but soon the anger will hit and you will need to use that energy to get positive things happening for your child and you.

FarOverTheRainbow Mon 30-Sep-13 14:38:33

I've tried to phone citizens advice but they don't take over the phone calls in my area you have to go down to the office at 9:30 and they only see the first 20 people so going Togo down there at 9 tomorrow.

He thinks all I should have is the sofa because he's staying there so needs it more. He said I'm moving to my mums so won't need it yet and ill get loads in benefits so can buy all my own confused twat. It's not going to be civil but I don't want arguments. He's so hard to be around him when I just wanna cuddle and laugh like we use too angry.

I'm worried about leaving now and not getting anywhere on the council. I can't afford to private rent

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