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MNHQ have commented on this thread

AIBU?

aibu to ask what are peoples views on suicide .l. do you think its selfish

85 replies

maddymoo25 · 27/09/2013 18:57

Do you think it is wrong to find it selfish

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Tiredemma · 27/09/2013 19:00

I don't think it's selfish.

I find it very sad that some people feel they cannot live in what ever anguish they are experiencing and feel the only option is to kill themselves.

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MrsTerryPratchett · 27/09/2013 19:00

Firstly, if you are referring to yourself, please seek help. There are MH boards on here and the Samaritans.

If this is just a talking point, then no, suicide is not selfish. If you are so depressed that you think the world and all your loved one would be better off without you, of course suicide is not selfish. It is miserable for those left behind, a tragic waste of life but not selfish.

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Tiredemma · 27/09/2013 19:00

Why do you ask? Are you ok ?

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PedlarsSpanner · 27/09/2013 19:01

Why are you asking?

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maddymoo25 · 27/09/2013 19:02

Sorry it is not about me but how peopoe view my husband for leaving 4 kids x

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SPsTwerkingNineToFive · 27/09/2013 19:02

Are you the OP who started the other thread on this?

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hobnobsaremyfavourite · 27/09/2013 19:04

this really won't go well . AIBU is not the place for this discussion.

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maddymoo25 · 27/09/2013 19:06

No I havent started one on this before, I have a thread regarding my step children, I just feel like no one mentions my husband or thst night and tbh I havent worked out what I feel about hi, myself

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duchessandscruffy · 27/09/2013 19:06

I agree that aibu is not the place for this discussion. It is always very polarised and people always end up getting very upset.

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Tiredtrout · 27/09/2013 19:07

As someone else said its not selfish, it's tragic that some people see no way out of whatever situation or anguish they are in other than suicide. Saying that someone is selfish seems to be the knee jerk response

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SilverApples · 27/09/2013 19:07

You need this in relationships.

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SPsTwerkingNineToFive · 27/09/2013 19:07

Depends on peoples personal experience. Some will see it as selfish and some wont.

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OliviaMMumsnet · 27/09/2013 19:08

Hello OP
Sorry about your husband - how bloody awful for all concerned.
We would be happy to move this thread someone else for you if you'd prefer us to. Just let us know on this thread and we'll take a look
Thanks
MNHQ

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duchessandscruffy · 27/09/2013 19:08

Sorry, I didn't see your last post, I am so sorry about your husband.

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Sirzy · 27/09/2013 19:08

I think perhaps you should ask for this to be moved to mental health or somewhere other than aibu? If you have personal experience of suicide then knowing how these threads go it may not make pleasant reading.

Personally, I think that for anyone to commit suicide they much be in such a dark place it makes it wrong to try to pass judgement on them. Yes it may be "selfish" to leave the mess behind for everyone else to deal with, but for someone to go to that extreme then they generally feel that it is the best option for them and the ones they love

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SilverApples · 27/09/2013 19:08

Oops, I meant the thread needs moving to the Relationships section of the board.

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Nerfmother · 27/09/2013 19:10

Baddy if your husband committed suicide would it be better to try a kinder board? People on AIBU won't read your posts properly, will miss this fact, and probably upset you. Esp. Friday night, drinking etc.
fwiw no I don't think it is selfish. It is very very hard to live with your mind sometimes, you can't escape the inside of your head and staying alive feeling scared of your mind / distressed by your thoughts etc must be actually very hard.

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Sirzy · 27/09/2013 19:11

It must be very hard people not talking about it - do you think that's from fear of upsetting you? Have you been offered any sort of counselling to help you begin to make sense of things and how you feel?

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DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 27/09/2013 19:11

Your husband killed himself? I'm so sorry OP.

In answer to your question I don' think for me there's a straight forward answer to that. I think it's maybe a selfish act on the surface but at the same time having been suicidal in the past myself I decided that my family including my children were better off without me in their lives because I was an awful person, shitty mum etc etc.

So why I can totally understand why the people left behind see this as a selfish thing to do as they have to deal with the pain it's caused them, the person who has taken their own lives isn't necerssarily being selfish. If that makes sense. People who are suicidal are not thinking the way they would otherwise. It's like literally being in a bottomless pit of despair that you can not get out of. Massive sympathies to you, your DC and to your husband.

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maddymoo25 · 27/09/2013 19:11

Sorry if I posted wrongly it was more about if I am wrong to want people to remember him for who he was and not what he done , you may move it sorry x

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iliketea · 27/09/2013 19:12

I suppose from one point of view it could be seen as selfish or cowardly (thinking of e.g abusers who take their own life rather than facing the consequences in court).

But in general, it's tragic - to get to a point where you feel the only way out is to take your own life is devestatingly sad. But, I think that for a loved one left behind to deal with the fall out, believing suicide to be selfish is probably an expression of one of the stagest grief more than anything else (IMO)

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maddymoo25 · 27/09/2013 19:13

Sirzy I dont really know, no one mentions him really.
His sister didnt even come to the funeral.

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Hullygully · 27/09/2013 19:13

No.

No one would do it unless they were seriously seriously unwell.

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Hullygully · 27/09/2013 19:14

And maddy, I am very sorry for your loss xx

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LoganMummy · 27/09/2013 19:15

Exactly what Sirzy said.

The upset and anger of those left behind can see it as a selfish act (personally I still believe its selfish). But for someone who truly believes their only option is to commit/complete suicide then it's the complete opposite - to them it can be how to fix things so things are better for those left behind.

Do you think your husband was selfish?