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To ask how you deal with it when someone is determined to fall out with you no matter what?

(12 Posts)
ChangerofNamer Fri 27-Sep-13 17:33:00

I've namechanged as this will probably identify me to people I know in RL...

I generally try to go through life with as little conflict as possible, and I try to get on with people. I think I'm a reasonably likeable person, and generally I do get on with people. I have made a special effort at the school gates to get on with the other mums, but also not to get too involved with anyone, in order to make the school pick up and drop off as easy and as hassle free as possible, and also for the benefit of my DCs. I've seen mums fall out before at the school and then not allowing their children to be friends, and it just isn't the sort of thing I'd want to be involved in.

Anyway, I made the mistake of becoming friends with the mum of my youngest child's best friend. DS is in year 1. I met up with her a few times, with the boys, and during that time she told me about how she'd recently fallen out with a big group of friends, and how they'd all turned on her. She seemed nice enough, and I felt bad that they'd treated her so badly.

However, fast forward a few months, and it seems that she's suddenly decided to fall out with me, too, for no apparent reason. We met up a couple of times during the holidays with the boys, and got on fine. I couldn't meet up each time she suggested it as I work part time and she doesn't work.

On the first day of term she ignored me at pick up, whereas last year she always came over and stood with me. Which was fine, it didn't bother me either way, and I just assumed she hadn't seen me or was chatting to others. She did this again the next day and then I walked past her as I went to leave the school grounds and said hello to her and she just snapped 'hello' back at me. And since then each time I speak to her she just glares at me and seems to be making a big deal out of ignoring me. This week she has started bringing people on the school run with her; her mum, her next door neighbour, her niece, and making a point of talking to them and looking at me constantly. Her mum, whom I've met a few times and got on well with, has also ignored me. Her next door neighbour was with her today and looked at me and said 'What, her?' whilst pointing at me.

I genuinely haven't a clue what I've done, and tbh I really can't be arsed to ask her, as she wasn't a good friend in the first place, it's just that I don't want the conflict in front of other people, and I don't want the hassle at the school. I also don't want it getting around that she and I 'don't get on' and then people thinking that I would get involved in petty, spiteful behaviour.

I think she is the type of person who likes a bit of conflict and likes to stir up a bit of trouble, and it's clearly my 'turn' at the moment to be on the receiving end, but it's just so annoying. She is quite mouthy and loud and I dread her making a scene!

Labootin Fri 27-Sep-13 17:37:21

People are weird.

As soon as you accept that you'll be just fine.

ChangerofNamer Fri 27-Sep-13 17:38:02

LOL I know Labootin, I just wish she'd fuck off and be weird elsewhere and towards someone else grin

farrowandbawl Fri 27-Sep-13 17:40:08

Leave her to it and ignore, ignore, ignore.

"I think she is the type of person who likes a bit of conflict and likes to stir up a bit of trouble," aka a Drama Llama.

Keep your distance from her but keep your ear to the ground, she's the type who you will hear stories about that will keep you amused for days.

Topseyt Fri 27-Sep-13 17:42:51

There are people like this, sadly. It is usually just easier to ignore them, as they are often trying to gauge your reaction. Don't give them a reaction, as they are not worth it.

ChangerofNamer Fri 27-Sep-13 17:46:00

I am thinking the best thing to do is ignore her behaviour and pretend I haven't even noticed that she's ignoring me and to just say a cheery 'hello' when I walk past her. Bet that will wind her up no end wink

Joolsy Fri 27-Sep-13 17:49:52

I know what you mean, there is a mum @ the school who likes to know everyone's business and seems to take it in turns to ignore each of the other mums! But luckily we all know what she's like and feel quite honoured when it's our turn to be ignored, for no apparent reason grin

But I like your suggestion too..!

Mojavewonderer Fri 27-Sep-13 17:55:31

I don't know why you would even bother saying hello, if you don't want to get involved in all that childish playground crap then completely ignore her.

CruCru Fri 27-Sep-13 17:57:44

Well, be glad you hadn't got closer to her. Now you'll know to avoid her.

I'd hate not knowing what was being said about me! When the neighbour pointed at you and said "What her?" I'd have replied "Me? What?"

I know you say you're not bothered but you've started a thread about it so I think you're more bothered than you'd like to admit.

Clearly she's upset about something, drama queen or not, so why not just ask her what it is? It could just be a bit of a misunderstanding and talking to her could see this playground stand off nipped in the bud.

serengetty Fri 27-Sep-13 18:19:38

Being surrounded by several drama llamas I now carry a sign that says, 'Stop making me deal with your shit, and maybe try not being a dick'. Seems to work.

insummeritrains Fri 27-Sep-13 18:26:48

Just reading between the lines, when you said that she normally comes over and stands with you at the school, did you ever go over to her? She might possibly think that she was the one making all the effort?
If she's a drama llama she may also have taken the fact that you couldn't meet up in the summer as a snub?
Either way, she sounds very immature.

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