to be annoyed that someone I had an affair with, still posts on...

(65 Posts)
ignoreorwhat Fri 27-Sep-13 10:23:11

a facebook page he set up to communicate with me.

As this is aibu, I want to know what you would think. He nearly left his wife for me but didn't in the end, after two years of saying he wanted to, could live without me etc.

It was obviously much more messy than that, and i got hurt, but it's been over a year since i told him where to go, and as far as I've heard his wife and he are making a go of it.

Yet he's taking the piss out of her. The facebook page has photos on it to do with me. Not of me. Messages that he misses me. He is blocked by me btw. I know it still exists as my now partner did a search, and the page is still there.

ignoreorwhat Fri 27-Sep-13 11:17:28

the page was something he set up to contact me for only a few weeks when it all came to a head. a year ago. the photo's were shared back then.

then after it was over, i thought it had gone. my stupid big headed curiosity got the better of me to look again in june if it was there. it was with bells on.

you must care to check?.

he must care to post?

Groovee Fri 27-Sep-13 11:32:14

my friend asked him to delete it in june, it went, but it's back again.

He's met someone else and has reactivated it to use it for the new relationship, is what that comment screams to me.

Beastofburden Fri 27-Sep-13 11:35:21

Of course you are irritated that he is still talking about it, because you now look back and think, what was I thinking? You would like the whole episode to vanish off the face of the earth. I do have sympathy because we are all allowed to make mistakes and it is hard when they come back to haunt us. But all you can do is say, Yes, I was wrong, I really regret this now. You can't realistically expect privacy.

Back in the (pre-internet) day he would be down the pub gossiping about you to his mates. You can't prevent that if you have a history with him. It is part of the pain of that kind of situation.

Yes, people may find out about it, this way or some other way, and you might be a bit embarrassed if they do. His wife would suffer more though, so you just have to hope he cares enough about her to STFU about this. He clearly isn't the kind of guy to behave decently otherwise.

Buzzardbird Fri 27-Sep-13 11:38:27

Was he really into photography?

He isn't just taking the piss outbid his wife, he is doing it ( and has done it to you).

It isn't there because he secretly loves you and wants to be with you, if that is what you are hoping.

It is a lot less effort to start up where you two left off, than have to go through finding someone who will put up with being the OW, to put it bluntly. He has sussed out what he can do without it ending his marriage. He might even live his wife, but needs a hobby to give him a boost.

If I was your new partner I would be very worried about why you concerned yourself with this and re-evaluating how serious you are towards having a proper relationship.

He may be keeping hold of it incase your single again and up to being his distraction from RL, don't kid yourself that you are anything more.

WilsonFrickett Fri 27-Sep-13 11:54:30

He loves the drama. Loves the feeling he's getting something over on his W. Probably loves the fact he can jerk your chain too.

Don't let him, learn your lesson - cheaters aren't nice people - and move on.

Cravey Fri 27-Sep-13 12:49:55

Oh wow. You sound so lovely. NOT .

EllaFitzgerald Fri 27-Sep-13 13:21:54

So you were ok with his awful behaviour when you wanted to have an affair with him, but now you've moved on, you're surprised that he's not suddenly a paragon of virtue?

ignoreorwhat Fri 27-Sep-13 13:42:33

no you're right, i shouldn't be surprised.

AngelsLieToKeepControl Fri 27-Sep-13 13:46:08

If he hasn't used your surname then fb won't delete the page, even if he had the most they would do is take down the post anyway.

He will get some notification it has been reported, it will be obvious to him who it was, so you have played right into his hands now.

ignoreorwhat Fri 27-Sep-13 13:48:48

hmm, i really don't care for him, i care about what i did now being on show, but, and believe it or not i care because i think it's a shitty thing to do when you've come clean with someone, and they are in the dark.

i am part of that stupid page. how any 'other' ow would like to be communicating on there with him when it says things like 'i really miss ignoeorwhat' on it i am not sure.

it's gone and finished, yes it hurt, it hurt everyone. what tone i am showing on here, well that's tricky because i don't want sympathy for what i've done. I deserve to be exposed, but it was, back then. and as far as she knew it was done with and he makes me very angry.

ignoreorwhat Fri 27-Sep-13 13:49:46

i havent yet reported as you say it's feeding the fire. so i won't. I shall ignore. thanks for input all.

MissStrawberry Fri 27-Sep-13 13:57:53

I am completely confused by the issue other than to feel you would go back in a heartbeat and you are annoyed he hasn't been in touch for real but posts on facebook.

ignoreorwhat Fri 27-Sep-13 14:06:19

i really do not want anything more to do with him.

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