AIBU to ask my brother to strip the bed in the spare room.

[ShakeRattleNRoll]

AIBU to ask my brother to strip the bed in the spare room at my mothers after he has stayed there? We both stay there from time to time but I get so fed up of having to strip his bed when I want to stay there.I feel he should do it himself.At the end of the day it is my Mothers house and what she says goes and if she tells him to leave the bed made up he will.I know I must respect my mothers wishes but it doesn't half annoy me.Your views please?

[AgentZigzag]

I presume you're talking about an adult?

If he is, it's between your mum and your brother really.

I would strip it too, but if it meant that much to the host that they felt they had to tell me not to, I'd leave it out of kindness to them.

[imnotwhoyouthinkiam]

My mum strips the guest bed at her house between guests. Because its her house, and her bed.

I always offer, but 99% of the time she says no and that she will do it.

[AngelsLieToKeepControl]

How often do you stay there?

[ShakeRattleNRoll]

My brother is an adult and spends 1 night a week there .I live more local to my mother and I sometimes stay over which varies.I've been rowing with my Mother and I know in my heart I have to shut up about it.As i said it is her house and it is her choice but my brother does so little for my mother it drives me around the bend.When i have to strip his bed it's salt in my wounds because i do the majority of caring for my elderly mother.

[WetDog]

I wouldn't expect a guest to do it. But if you're mum is asking him to leave it, but then not changing the bed linen herself, I can see why you're peeved.

How long does he stay there for though? I have to be honest, I'd not think twice about sleeping in a bed my DB had slept in for a night or two.

But I suppose it depends on how long he slept in the bed and how riffy he is

[ShakeRattleNRoll]

I may stay for a few nights at a time and sometimes i won't stay for a couple of weeks it really does vary .Sometimes one night a week no set pattern for me , sometimes i won't stay there for 2weeks

[AngelsLieToKeepControl]

Is he maybe leaving the bedding on because he stays more frequently than you then?

It sounds like a pretty minor issue tbh, but it also sounds like it may just be the straw that broke the camels back.

Are you getting any help from elsewhere looking after your Mum?

[ShakeRattleNRoll]

Yes i would say he does stay there more often than me and on a regular basis but again this can vary.My mother tells him to leave the sheets as she thinks he will be the next person to use it.I know it is a minor issue but it is the cherry on the cake. No i don't get help from elsewhere to help my mother. PS My brothers sfter shave and me don't get on (Not to mention his pig ignorant selfish attitude)

[AgentZigzag]

Ah, so your mums really saying 'Don't bother stripping it, SRR will do it'.

Yeah, I can see how that'd grate, the lazy arse. (your brother, not your mum )

If it was a need your mum had to care for him in some small way I could understand it, but if you're doing it it's a bit off.

Stripping it after one stay every week seems a bit excessive though.

[WetDog]

Hmmm, you say he does little for her. Is it more about that, than the actual bed sheets?

As in, she thinks he should leave the linen where it is for you to strip, as she isn't able to do it? She'd expect you to change the bed rather than him doing it?

I can understand where you're coming from if that's the case.

[ShakeRattleNRoll]

I agree zigzag stripping it after 1 night is excessive.My mother doesn't think that if he leaves it I will strip it.It's just that she thinks he will be the next person sleeping in it because i'm never sure when I'm going to stay there.She's guessing everytime about this

[ShakeRattleNRoll]

My mother who is nearly eighty and severly disabled will strip the bed to avoid arguments but this is exactly what i don't want her doing when my brother and I should be doing this . It does annoy me about him not pulling his weight with my mother but i refuse to strip his dirty linen from the bed he has used.

[MariaLuna]

You should not be expected to have to sleep in your brothers funky bedsheets..

Is it a dynamic in your family that the men get left off while the women do the domestic work? (wouldn't surprise me).

Or maybe your mum just can't be fucked to have to act like a B&B...? I don't blame her. She doesn't owe it either by now while you are both grown up.

If it was me, I wouldn't want to sleep in his sheets, I would ask him to strip the bed, but expect to have to make it up and wash the bedclothes myself. At least he can leave them in the washing basket....

No reason why you can't start a conversation about him cleaning the bed, or you would be furthering the "precious little boy" syndrome.

the day will come when you both going to need to take care of her, may as well have that conversation now, who does what, or you will find you are doing it all

[WetDog]

Then you need to tell him he needs to change the bed then when he leaves - you're mum shouldn't be doing it and neither should you.

Can't you have a set of sheets each, and both of you strip them and put them away after you've both stayed? Then you don't need to wash them after each stay.

[AgentZigzag]

Aww, if she's going to strip it to save the hassle I think I'd just do the fucking thing with gritted teeth.

It won't change him being an arse unfortunately.

Can't you leave him some teazles in it or something as a reminder?

[ShakeRattleNRoll]

I do it all anyhow Maria

Thanks for your post

[WetDog]

Apologies for mixing up your and you're - dyslexia and typing too fast

[ShakeRattleNRoll]

LOL zig zag thanks for the advice

Wet dog that is the system we have in place (we both have separate bed sheets) but it's just my brother being a git

[ShakeRattleNRoll]

rofl wet dog over you're and your

[AgentZigzag]

'i do the majority of caring for my elderly mother.'

The OP is doing the lions share of the caring for her mum Maria.

[ShakeRattleNRoll]

Thanks for all the sound advice I think I need to do what my mother asks me to do at the end of the day because it is her house even though it annoys me.

[imnotwhoyouthinkiam]

Ahh, your mother is elderly and disabled, in that case your brother should strip the bed when he's been in it. Cheeky so.and so

[Cerisier]

I would do the same as your mother under the circumstances. It sounds like the probability you are the next person in the bed is less than half. I wouldn't want to create another load of washing and ironing needlessly at my age, let alone hers.

One solution would be for you to both have your own pillows with pillowcases on. Then for one of you to have two flat sheets that you put in between the existing bedding and use. Then just fold up the sheets in the morning and use them a few times before washing. This would be no different from putting clean sheets on top of mattress protectors.

Or you could take a sleeping bag and keep it in a cupboard.

My MIL brings her own bedding every time she stays to save me the work of washing the bedding. I do tell her I can manage but she still insists.

[ShakeRattleNRoll]

Thanks Ceris, that is the system we have in place(separate sheets) it's just that my mother tells him to leave his sheets on because she thinks he will be the next to sleep in it and not me.

[Morloth]

Is this really worth stressing your Mum about?

Really?