aibu to want my partner to build a relationship with my dd?

(84 Posts)
zimzala Thu 26-Sep-13 20:28:34

my partner of 2 years has consciously avoided forming a relationship with my dd.dp appears jealous of dd and shows in indirect ways dissatisfaction (moodyness for days) at any choices i make regarding dd.i get criticism often too.yet when i ask for help dp instead of this dp says they dont have any interest in kids stuff.also when dp cleans the home dd's room is ignored and always has been.when asked why the answer was it was a respect thing...dd doesnt come for cuddles anymore in a morning as dp finds it uncomfortable when she gets into bed even though it was always my side.dd drinks heavily and doesnt talk when i try to reason.relationship is in meltdown.do i stay or do i call it a day? any views will be gladly received.dd is 7 years old and has sn...

AintNobodyGotTimeFurThat Thu 26-Sep-13 20:33:14

If I had someone like this in my life.

... Well, they wouldn't be in my life anymore.

A grown adult who is jealous of a child, resents a child and tries not to make an effort with a child of mine would be out the door.

I actually don't know why you even need to ask. This worries me. Isn't that obvious? You need to put your daughter before him.

I think I may sound harsh here, but really what's the alternative? Give into his moodiness?

He's a grown adult.

SkinnybitchWannabe Thu 26-Sep-13 20:35:10

I could not and would not ever be in a relationship with someone who didnt accept or make an effort with my children.
Even if it meant I was alone for the rest of my life.
Get rid of your OP, he sounds vile.

ThisWayForCrazy Thu 26-Sep-13 20:37:01

I would never have someone in my life who did not want to bond with my children.

Sparklysilversequins Thu 26-Sep-13 20:37:44

Christ on a bike, what a disgusting individual. He would have been LONG gone if this was me. Get him out. Your poor dd sad.

What is your situation? Is house in your name etc?

SaucyJack Thu 26-Sep-13 20:37:59

Whether you stay or go depends on whether you care that your child is growing up in an emotionally abusive environment I s'pose.

RoonilWazlibWuvsHermyown Thu 26-Sep-13 20:38:36

You live with him and he treats your dd like this? Not trying to be rude but

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WOMAN?!

FreudiansSlipper Thu 26-Sep-13 20:38:47

why are you with this man

really you do not need a man in your life especially a man like your partner but you dd needs you

Wishfulmakeupping Thu 26-Sep-13 20:40:02

OP I feel so sad and upset reading your post please don't let this man be in your child's life anymore.
Please end the relationship with him its not healthy and your dd is suffering because of it. This is not normal you need to protect your child and end this relationship now.

TiredDog Thu 26-Sep-13 20:40:08

I would NEVER open my front door to that man again.

My kids come first. It is an essential requirement that any DP is a positive thing for my DD. This man is not even neutral is he?

zimzala Thu 26-Sep-13 20:40:15

i have tried to be objective about it and dp is not a bad person at heart but im lost with it all now.i guess i hoped things would change but alas they dont.my dd certainly feels everything and has told me very recently she doesnt like dp.i guess its time to call it a day..
dd still gets lots of loving from me and i do over rule dp with the cuddle in bed ...even though it alters the mood of the day..

FreudiansSlipper Thu 26-Sep-13 20:42:14

he may do nice things

but he is not a good man at heart if he was he would not be acting like this

i am glad you are calling it a day and support will be here smile

thebody Thu 26-Sep-13 20:42:19

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

IamGluezilla Thu 26-Sep-13 20:43:25

Days of moodiness would get the boot from me for any reason.

Euphemia Thu 26-Sep-13 20:43:25

The question is: who comes first, him or her?

gamerchick Thu 26-Sep-13 20:43:51

The to get rid. Your daughter will be a shedload happier.

I was clear with my husband from the start. If he didn't get along with my kids then it would be a none starter. Thankfully we had a happy ending.

She's a little girl and totally dependant on you for her wellbeing. Get rid of this manchild.

zimzala Thu 26-Sep-13 20:45:52

the house is mine and solely mine so it would just be a case of pack up and leave i guess..also,last year my mum wanted to visit and stay the night as she lives away and unfortunatley was burying her elder brother the following day.she called and asked if it would be ok and dp told me it wasnt a holding ground for my family...
i've been a fool havent i...

basgetti Thu 26-Sep-13 20:46:18

Nothing angers me more than parents who put their love lives ahead of the welfare of their children. Poor kid.

ShotgunNotDoingThePans Thu 26-Sep-13 20:47:10

You shouldn't have t be overruling anyone to give your own daughter a cuddle.
I discovered recently that friend of DS1 has a sf who doesn't speak to him or acknowledge his existence and never has (he's 18 and the guy has been around since he was 12).
I felt unbearably sad for the lad, and wondered how his mother could be with someone like that. But your bloke sounds like a whole other level of unsuitable partner material, to say the least.
He is not a nice person at all if he can behave like this towards a child.

gobbynorthernbird Thu 26-Sep-13 20:47:42

Get rid.

Euphemia Thu 26-Sep-13 20:48:13

Kick this bastard out. He's not the life partner you need.

zimzala Thu 26-Sep-13 20:49:46

just to clarify dp is a woman.im dd's dad.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 26-Sep-13 20:50:42

Please choose your daughter. She doesnt need someone in her life who barely tolerates her existance.
some people should just not be in a relationship with someone who has a child.

your boyfriend, from how you describe him, seems to be one of them.

raisah Thu 26-Sep-13 20:50:49

Get rid of him, he might be emotionally distant now so it wont take much for him to physically harm her as he doesn't care sbout her. Look at poor Daniel Pelka, he was abused & finally killed my his mum and partner who hated him.

Get rid of your partner to protect your child, she needs love and acceptance not hatred & jealousy.

gobbynorthernbird Thu 26-Sep-13 20:51:11

Same advice. Get rid.

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