To not want my dd to dress as a boy?

(102 Posts)
Hithere123 Thu 26-Sep-13 18:54:17

Don't know if I'm being mean or not. This is a long standing problem with dd (5) wanting to dress as a boy. She has older brothers and baby brother. She loves her babies and barbies but that's as girly as she gets. Her favourite outfit is trackies and trainers. I don't see a problem with this at all and within reason I let her wear what makes her happy unless we are going to a party and she needs a nice dress and she does without much fuss. Her friend is having a fancy dress party and she wants to go as...Ron weasley. She had the gryffindor cloak this after a trip to Harry potter. My thoughts were to buy the a tesco school skirt and she could be ginny (she chose the ginny want there too) but she insists she wants to be Ron. Should I buy her grey school trousers (I really don't want to) and leave her be or insist she goes as a girl.

I wanted to be a boy til I got to 13ish

I threatened to cut my boobs off once they came and cried when my period came at 10. I refused skirts, dresses and wanted trackies and jeans and hoodies.

I was the oldest with 3 brothers at the time.

Dont worry about it. I didn't hack them off. grin

pianodoodle Thu 26-Sep-13 19:13:19

She probably wants to be a boy because the things she likes she has been told are for boys.

She wishes she was one so she could have the stuff they have!

If she wasn't told what was specifically for boys or girls she probably wouldn't mind being a girl smile

I wanted to be a boy soooo badly when I was that age, right up until I was 10!

I cropped my hair, wore a boys uniform, shunned the 'girls' sports for football and rugby.

Then I hit puberty and started wearing more feminine clothes, make up and stuff. It's not a issue unless you make it one.

HavantGuard Thu 26-Sep-13 19:15:36

She has brothers. You are telling her she has to wear a skirt because she's a girl, which she doesn't want to do. Let her be. Maybe it's a phase, maybe it isn't. The one thing that's for certain is you showing disapproval and making an issue of it isn't going to have any positive impact on her.

Bakingtins Thu 26-Sep-13 19:15:40

Let her go as Ron. We're having a Harry Potter party, my DS (3) wants to be Hermione.
DH having more problem with the fact he wants " a yellow princess dress" for Christmas, but that's a whole other post....

Hithere123 Thu 26-Sep-13 19:15:58

I know your all right. I love her so much whatever she wants. I suppose it makes me a little sad that she's not like me!

Sparrowfarts Thu 26-Sep-13 19:17:47

My then microscopic 7 year-old DD went to school on World Book Day as Hagrid.

Let her be, she may grow out of it, she may not, but all you will achieve by turning it into a problem will be to create a barrier between you.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 26-Sep-13 19:17:57

Ah yes. I'm suffering a bit from that with my DS2. Thought he was Nothing like me, find him hard to understand at times. So I decided to Love Bomb him. It's working - total acceptance is the key

bishboschone Thu 26-Sep-13 19:18:46

My dd is exactly the same but is 9 . I allow her to be herself but would like her to wear better clothes as her preference is messy! She has long blonde hair and grows her nails so it's a strange contrast . I let her be who she wants to be as tough as it is.

heidihole Thu 26-Sep-13 19:19:22

yabu

she will go through fazes i'm sure

Parmarella Thu 26-Sep-13 19:22:20

One of my DS best friends is like this.

She is wonderful, at fancy dress parties where all girls come as princesses she came as Superman.

She is popular and liked by boys and girls as she is carbing out her own identity and her parents go with it.

She things the whole gender difference is bollox and does judo and cricket, it is just who she is, it's really nice that her very feminine mum just lets her get on with it.

Cherish your kids with all their idiosyncrasies!

Bowlersarm Thu 26-Sep-13 19:22:50

Yep I wanted to be a boy until I was about 13/14. Two older brothers, just wanted to be like them. Short hair, boyish clothes. Loved the odd occasions people actually mistook me for a boy.

But I did grow out of it (honest, despite my rather masculine user name).

The turning point didn't come until I started fancying boys, rather than wanting to be one.

I wear lots of skirts/pink clothes/high heels now-making up for lost time!

Guadalupe Thu 26-Sep-13 19:24:03

Well, if you keep telling her all the things she likes are for boys, then it's not really that surprising that she decides she'd rather be a boy. It's quite logical!

Just let her be. smile

spritesoright Thu 26-Sep-13 19:28:31

Children at that age tend to think that gender is malleable and they can change at some point. It's us who fix them with strict views that boys do certain things and girls do certain things and ne'r the twain should mix.
It's very common for girls to go through a tomboy phase and it's really not linked to future gender or sexuality if that's what you're worried about.
Please don't stifle her expression so young.

TheRobberBride Thu 26-Sep-13 19:28:42

OP honesty, she's 5! It should be a total non issue!

I can understand you feeling a bit sad that she's not much like you but you should be delighted she's developing such an interesting personality.

Leave her be.

Bakingtins Thu 26-Sep-13 19:29:09

Hithere123 I do sympathise. My DS has since he could talk either insisted he is a girl or said he wants to be one. I know he's only little but it is a very persistent theme. I let him have whatever "girls stuff" he wants, because I think denying him chance to express that wish is more likely to cause him a problem. If you can't be who you want when you are five/ three, when can you?

HavantGuard Thu 26-Sep-13 19:31:30

I agree completely with Jamie. Show her that you love her for who she is.

I think it's easy to get caught up with the idea that if you have a girl you will automatically have that idealised mother-daughter bond and shared interests. I have that with my mother now. As a child my interests were dirt, climbing and noise. Hers weren't grin.

HomicidalPsychoJungleCat Thu 26-Sep-13 19:33:00

My dd was like this for years OP, she's nine next year and the girlie ness is just beginning to creep in. She too would pray to be a boy, say she WAS a boy etc....she's now a very healthy mix of the two....and she was all very Buzz Lightyear/Spider-Man/etc when she was little, she HATED the Disney princess costumes. Actually I can totally get why, who wants to be a (basically ornamental) sappy princess when you can have fantastic adventures with special powers that have nothing to do with having to wear heels and lippy??!!

Let her be who she is, and eventually she'll become a balanced individual with a healthy respect for herself and the self confidence to express it in her own way...

HomicidalPsychoJungleCat Thu 26-Sep-13 19:34:09

Just to balance it out her brother adores dressing up in HER clothes, with hair bands and necklaces on and pushing her old pram around.... smile

MmeLindor Thu 26-Sep-13 19:34:40

It must be hard for you, being outnumbered by menfolk and now your dd want to be one too!

Don't worry about it.

She might grow out of it, she might not. Either way she needs your love and support because not everyone will accept her as she is.

She sounds like a lot of fun

HomicidalPsychoJungleCat Thu 26-Sep-13 19:34:54

He's 3 though, I'd worry a little if he were 12 (but only because of the ribbing he'd get at school!!)

Lj8893 Thu 26-Sep-13 19:36:02

I was a girlie baby/toddler, then went tomboyish at about 9.
Went back fairly girlie about 12, then really tomboy/grungy from about 14 to 17.

I am the girliest person I know now at 25. I live in dresses and don't even own a pair of jeans!

All it means is that people change constantly and espessially as children and teenagers we are experimenting, and trying to find who we are and what we really like.

littlewhitebag Thu 26-Sep-13 19:42:27

I wanted to be a seal when i was 5 hmm. I grew out of it eventually although i still like to swim under water and swish my tail

Your DD sounds delightful. Let her go a Ron. He is the coolest one anyway.

Hithere123 Thu 26-Sep-13 20:11:46

Just a quick thank you to everyone for stopping me in my witch mum tracks...she is great! Thanks x

Twattybollocks Thu 26-Sep-13 20:20:49

Like others have said, leave her to it. I have refused to wear a dress from the age of 4 until the present day (wedding dress excepted) and never even did dolls or barbies. My little pony was as girly as I got, and even then that was only because I liked horses. I'm quite normal now I assure you and have given my mother 3 beautiful grandchildren to coo over and spoil rotten.

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