to decline baby shower invitation?

[picniclady]

A long-term friend of mine has decided to have a baby shower, actually two baby showers, one for friends and one for family. I'm invited to the 'friends' one. It is being organised by her best friend and involves an expensi. As afternoon tea a trendy part of London (£25 per head basic price, excluding service and extras, price includes some cake, a pot of tea and some mini sandwiches) in a cafe. Champagne is optional but knowing some of her friends they will indulge.

I''ve been friends with her a long time, but don't live locally, see her about quarterly for a catch up lunch etc.we don't usually speak between visits. My reason for declining is partly the expense (I imagine her friends will want to split the bill and I can't pay just the (expensive) basic £25 cost. Add in train fare and gift and it's very costly, I don't really have spare cash for all this. It is also due to my dislike of baby showers, I find it all pretty ott and never had one myself.

I've arranged to see her on a different weekend, am buying her a nice baby gift from John Lewis etc, but feel bad for declining the baby shower invitation due to 'husband working away that weekend so I have to look after dc'.

[picniclady]

Sorry posted early...

Aibu and a bad friend for declining? I could go if I saved up some money but keep telling myself that buying a nice gift/visiting her to help with the baby when she's born is part of being a good friend, it isn't necessary to stump up loads of cash to go on a baby shower I'd feel uncomfortable at?

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

YANBU - sounds like a right old faff :)

[siblingrevelry]

Don't feel bad. An invite is there to be accepted or declined, and although it's fair enough not to state it as the reason not to go, affordability is a valid reason not to go.

[ElBombero]

I'm not that into baby showers a rule either unless a close friend.

yanbu

[donttellalfred]

Yanbu. I think if you don't want to go, don't go - you'll be visiting her and buying something for the baby, that more than covers your social obligations!

[Gooseysgirl]

YANBU... Feckin ridiculous Save your money, you're dead right not to go.

[Bakingtins]

YANBU, another example of obligation to pay through the nose to celebrate gone mad. As you said you can see her and pass on a gift for the new arrival another time.

[SirChenjin]

No - you are a very sensible person for declining! Baby showers are the work of the devil - just do what we've always done in the UK and take along a present once the baby is actually here. £25 plus travel and champagne and a present is a hell of a lot of money to stump up

[Gooseysgirl]

And as an aside, I'm also anti-baby shower and don't go to them... I made one exception for an American friend!

[WorraLiberty]

YANBU what a load of fuss just because she's pregnant

[flowery]

You are expected to pay for your attendance at a party?! No way. Seeing her another time and buying a baby gift when the time comes is perfectly fine and generous.

[geekgal]

Don't feel bad, I declined one recently not because of expense but because I don't agree with the whole baby/wedding shower/hen do away thing etc etc. I didn't say that, just that I couldn't make it and then took her a present after the birth, she made no mention of it. If you don't agree with them and can't afford it then it would be a poor friend who would force you to take part!

[meganorks]

YANBU
Baby showers are a bit much I think (luckily never been invited to one!). If you aren't local then the expense will be a lot more and reason enough for not going. And if you have kids already then they need to be the priority. Don't feel guilty. If she is a decent friend then she will understand.

[Lottapianos]

YANBU, sounds crackers. I have a no-baby-shower and no-hen-night policy myself

Buy your mate a nice gift or arrange to meet her another time just the two of you - whatever you feel like doing.

[Lj8893]

Yanbu! I wouldn't have even made an excuse up, I would have said I'm really sorry but I can't justify spending that sort of money.

I don't get these expensive baby showers, hen dos etc!

I'm having a baby shower that my best friend is organising, its in my partners mums pub and food will be provided. So all anybody will need to buy is their drinks. And I have made it very clear I don't expect gifts!

[specialsubject]

definitely time for a subsequent engagement.

buy something when the baby arrives.

[ohmymimi]

Ah, another celeberatory money spinner abomination from our mates across the pond. A big, loving hug should be gift enough for anyone.

[MissStrawberry]

An invitation is an offer, not a legal demand..

[wonderingsoul]

ynbu.

i liek baby showers, its a bit of fun... but that is to much.

all baby shwoers iv been to and held for people have been at their places. throw some decorations up.. put some games together.. guess the nappy is my favourite

paying ahead for that is crazy and i wouldnt be going.. unless i had plenty of money to spend on stupied shit liek that

[karinmaria]

YANBU for not going but YABU for feeling guilty about it!

[expatinscotland]

YANBU. Stop feeling guilty!

[BarnYardCow]

YANBU , I prefer to wait until the baby has arrived safely.

[drivingmisslazy]

YANBU I think you have done the right thing.

[pigletmania]

Yanbu at all. It sounds very expensive, yes tat is a good get out clause. See her at a different time.

[HorryIsUpduffed]

I've never been invited to a baby shower and I'm quite pleased about that.

You have a perfect true and valid excuse and have no need to feel guilty.