to not want to bother my Uncle with my friends request?

(32 Posts)
WonderBarbara Mon 16-Sep-13 17:54:28

Hi all, wondering if you can give me some advice on a dilemma I am having,

A friend of mine, lets call her Jane for this, recently told me she is planning to work for a scheme abroad, lets say just for this, its Melbourne, as part of her scheme she would be living in work accommodation provided. I said "oh its lovely there, my Uncle lives there!". She then told me that the company requires her to put down an Australian address, as a second address for administrative purposes and that they will not accept her otherwise, and she asked me if she could put down my Uncle's address.
I was a bit taken a back to be honest as my Uncle is a 70-odd year old gentleman who doesn't know Jane at all, and I think it would be a bit silly to phone him and ask him, as it doesn't sit well with me - I just think its weird. I do trust her, and she is a good friend, but I just think so much could go wrong, i.e. would my Uncle have the authorities knocking on his door for her, or get her mail posted to him? would he have to provide proof or give a reference? She assured me that none of this would happen and it is required purely for administration, as her main address would be registered as the place she would be staying.

I just don't know if I want to bother my Uncle with all this to be honest But DH thinks I could at least phone him and ask him, or give Jane his email address so she can ask him herself.

What do you think? AIBU to think she should sort out a second address herself? Or shall I contact my Uncle?

Lj8893 Mon 16-Sep-13 17:57:19

Yanbu. I would feel just as awkward as you.

What was she planning to do before you mentioned your uncle?

I personally wouldn't ask him, even if its just for admin purposes i would still feel awkward and cheeky asking.

Fourbears Mon 16-Sep-13 18:00:00

How was she going to manage before without your uncle? It sounds like she was going to go anyway? I too would be wary of asking my fairly elderly uncle in case it caused him hassle in some way or in case she had some scheme in mind. No idea what but I tend to err on the side of caution with people I don't know inside and out.

TheMinionsHaveThePhonebox Mon 16-Sep-13 18:00:34

So what would she have done if you didn't have an uncle in Australia? Tell her to do that!

peachmint Mon 16-Sep-13 18:01:21

I wouldn't bother him with it. I would politely tell her to shove off.

WonderBarbara Mon 16-Sep-13 18:10:00

Thanks for replies,

Well she was unsure of what she was doing before I mentioned my Uncle (oh how I wish I had kept my mouth shut!) - it was a hurdle I guess - she hasn't been accepted on the scheme yet, she hasn't even completed her application - as this second Australian address thing is required. As soon as I (stupidly) mentioned my Uncle, she got all excited as if she had already confirmed him as the answer to her problem.

MisselthwaiteManor Mon 16-Sep-13 18:12:56

I wouldn't do it. If you're uncomfortable saying no just pretend you asked and he wasn't able to do it.

You could fib and say your uncle wasn't keen....

You could fib and say your uncle wasn't keen....

missgrainger Mon 16-Sep-13 18:15:25

Tell her he's moved to New Zealand

Lj8893 Mon 16-Sep-13 18:16:05

To be honest I would fib and say my uncle said no.

I'd fib too, say you spoke to him and it turns out he'll be moving house soon and doesn't know his new address yet.

BackforGood Mon 16-Sep-13 18:21:30

Good idea by Lj8893
As an aside, what kind of a scheme recruits people in the UK, but will only employ them if they happen to already know someone that's living out there ? confused I would be checking that she knew it was all 'legit', and getting her to ask why they wanted that and what they did when people don't know people.

I'd fib too, no point causing grief for yourself with either your uncle or your friend when a wee white lie'd prevent it.

CoffeeTea103 Mon 16-Sep-13 18:23:10

Just say that you ran it past your uncle and he wasn't too keen wink

When I went to Mexico to study, my fairly new Mexican friend who I'd only actually met once in real life told me I could stay with his gran for a few days while I got myself sorted out. Lovely. So when I finally managed to get to the city I was going to live in, I called her number from the bus station to let her know I had arrived. I got a taxi to the house, introduced myself as her DGSs friend, and she showed me to my room and got me some dinner. We got along brilliantly, she kind of adopted me into the family and I ended up staying with her for the year! I had a wonderful time, and got to experience a much more authentic Mexico (food, customs, language, culture etc) than any of my friends.
Turns out her DGS had never even mentioned me to her, I was just some random 20 year old English girl who turned up on her doorstep looking scared and tired! thanks Alistair but bless her, she took me in.

I don't think its always a bad idea to help out a friend in need. This lady had never even met me, and now she's like a second Gran to me smile

Crinkle77 Mon 16-Sep-13 18:48:19

All sounds a bit odd to me. As others have suggested just say you have asked your uncle and he said no. She will never know

McNewPants2013 Mon 16-Sep-13 18:50:49

I would ask my uncle, I am a rubbish liar and wouldn't lie to a friend anyway.

Cheddars Mon 16-Sep-13 18:56:43

You could say you've phoned but he's moving to a retirement home soon so it won't be possible.

Yonionekanobe Mon 16-Sep-13 19:06:05

I agree with BackforGood. This seems a bit odd. If it is a scheme to allow people from overseas to work in Australia why the need for a second address?

WonderBarbara Mon 16-Sep-13 22:56:05

Thank you again for replies!

Sorry I disappeared, got caught up in the chaos that is dinner and bedtime with dc etc.
I don't know enough about the scheme to explain it really. From what she was saying it really is simply a scheme that takes workers from UK but they must put down an Aussie address, even though the company provides accommodation, its the first time I've heard of it so perhaps I will ask her for more info. I hate the idea of lying to her, would there by any way I could contact my uncle and ask him in an VERY light hearted, no pressure, very easy going way? I was thinking of contacting him and asking if he had heard of any of these schemes and the company and kind of very slowly drop my friend in the conversation........

WonderBarbara Mon 16-Sep-13 22:58:33

Then again.....actually, come to think of it, the easiest hassle free way would be a little white lie....as much as I don't like lying I am so frigging tempted

LemonPeculiarJones Mon 16-Sep-13 23:04:28

The thing is, it's v unlikely it's just needed purely for administrative reasons. That would make it completely superfluous. There is probably some reason it's needed other than that - it could rope your uncle into being responsible for something with regards to her stay. And even something trifling would be an annoyance - he doesn't even know this person.

Perhaps ring the scheme and enquire about the purpose of this second address?

Or of you can't be bothered (doubt I would be) say your uncle said no.

Doesn't sound like your friend even asked you really - just assumed!

zatyaballerina Mon 16-Sep-13 23:08:04

That sounds dodgy, why would they be expected to have an Austrailian address? And the company provides accommodation?hmm It makes no sense.

I wouldn't bother your elderly uncle with it. Even if he would be happy with it (unlikely), I still wouldn't because it just doesn't make sense, the company sounds suspicious. Just don't.

Rootvegetables Mon 16-Sep-13 23:12:51

I think I had this when I had a visa there you can just put a hostel address I think it's just a box they need to tick. I'd just keep it vague say you haven't been able to get in touch if she asks, I wouldn't give his address.

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