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OK, so AIBU to lock our bedroom door at night?

(143 Posts)
FunnysInLaJardin Sat 07-Sep-13 21:43:48

DS1 is nearly 8 and never wakes us or comes into our bed. DS2 is 3.5 and comes into our bed every night and has done for the last few months. We are both too asleep to get up and put him into his own bed so DH either shoves up or gets into DS2's bed for the night. Suffice to say we haven't had an unbroken nights for ages.

I suggested that tonight we should lock our door in the hope DS2 would find it locked and go back to bed. DH was firmly against this idea and sees it as cruel. So AIBU or is DH?

We really should get up and get him back into his own bed of course, but at 2am this seems an impossibility!

Annunziata Sat 07-Sep-13 21:45:05

YABU, that's cruel and dangerous, God forbid something serious happened.

BOF Sat 07-Sep-13 21:46:44

He will probably just wail and disturb you more. You need to bite the bullet and return return return, I'm afraid.

TheContrastofWhiteonWhite Sat 07-Sep-13 21:47:02

God no. He will be crying outside the door. sad just take him back. He will learn.

sameoldIggi Sat 07-Sep-13 21:47:05

Would he go back to bed? Mine would stand at the door and hammer. Or wonder off to the kitchen and play with the oven.

BrokenSunglasses Sat 07-Sep-13 21:47:22

YABVU.

pianodoodle Sat 07-Sep-13 21:47:34

I think if you've got into the habit where you've allowed him to expect to come into the room it isn't really his fault and locking the door does seem mean as he doesn't realise he's doing anything wrong yet.

Maybe try explaining first and then taking him back to bed if he still does it rather than going to the extreme of just shutting him out straight away.

The getting up is hard to do I know but it's in order to break a habit.

VivaLeBeaver Sat 07-Sep-13 21:47:42

Don't lock the door. He'd be scared thinking he couldn't get to you if he really needed to.

Instead your dh needs to stop shoving up or going into his bed. Instead you take it in turns to put ds2 back in his own bed. Try not to engage in conversation, just pick him up and put in his own room. Repeat, repeat, repeat until he gets the message that he won't get his own way.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer Sat 07-Sep-13 21:48:07

It's not an impossibility and you will just be left with a wailing child outside your door, so I doubt it would even help. Focus your efforts on some more appropriate sleep training.

I would suggest that you take turns so you both get a relatively undisturbed night every other night. It's perfectly possible to manage on that kind of sleep.

SkinnybitchWannabe Sat 07-Sep-13 21:49:29

YABU no way would I do that. Its the same as locking your dc in their rooms all night.
Far too dangerous and it will upset your dc more so you'll get even less sleep.
It will take a few nights for it to work but you need to keep taking him back to his own room, little or no communication. It worked wonders for my 3 ds when they had the midnight walkies.
Good luck

littlemisssarcastic Sat 07-Sep-13 21:49:48

Do you really think your 3.5 year old will wake in the night, carefully try to open your bedroom door, realise it's locked, then calmly and quietly walk back to his own bed, get in and go back to sleep?

Or perhaps he will wake up, attempt to open your door, then scream and cry because he can't get in, waking the whole house in the process, and you or your DH will have to get out of your cozy warm bed to unlock the door, let him in, and spend much longer trying to calm him down than you would have done if you'd either let him in or gently returned him to his own bed in the first place?

FunnysInLaJardin Sat 07-Sep-13 21:50:40

thanks, see I don't think it would be dangerous as he would just go and see his brother and get in with him instead. What would bother me would be the crying and banging tbh. He is a quite 'old' 3yo having had a 8yo brother so not worried about him wandering about the house. Really more getting into our bed v shouting and banging/wandering back to bed

mumofweeboys Sat 07-Sep-13 21:50:48

Yabu
Get yourself out of bed and put him back to bed.

TheContrastofWhiteonWhite Sat 07-Sep-13 21:50:50

At 3.5 he is also old enough to understand daytime chats about staying in bed and maybe reward charts.

littlemisssarcastic Sat 07-Sep-13 21:52:11

Wouldn't that disturb your 8 year olds sleep though OP?
3 year olds are notorious for kicking and punching in their sleep.

pianodoodle Sat 07-Sep-13 21:52:39

I'd even go so far as to agree that it is quite a cruel thing to lock the door on him he could be frightened and think something is wrong.

DoItTooJulia Sat 07-Sep-13 21:53:02

Oh dear. It sounds like you are having a hard time. But I don't think locking your door is the answer, as tempting as it seems.

Find another way. I hope you solve this, you could all do with some proper sleep!

BlackholesAndRevelations Sat 07-Sep-13 21:53:12

Wow! YAB shockingly U for all the reasons outlined above, especially the fact that it's evil to lock your young son out of your room. He's got intoba habit, hadn't berm told otherwise therefore thinks it's ok. I'm glad your dh saw sense!

FunnysInLaJardin Sat 07-Sep-13 21:53:12

see knowing DS2 little that is just what he would do, Try the door and then go back to bed

BlackholesAndRevelations Sat 07-Sep-13 21:53:39

Sorry for the typos hmm

ICantGoOverItICantGoUnderIt Sat 07-Sep-13 21:53:43

Oh I don't think you can do that, it does seem cruel. And also, it doesn't really fix the problem. He might totally panic. He's just a little toot too, he shouldn't be locked away from his mum and dad (yes I know you're not locking him anywhere, but it's not going to seem that way to him).

I think you need to man up, go to bed early and prepare yourself to return him to bed straight away. Once you've done this for a week or so, I'm sure it will work. This will be kinder to everyone in the long run.

littlemisssarcastic Sat 07-Sep-13 21:55:47

So would he try the door then wander back to his own bed? Or would he try the door and wander off to find his older brother and jump in with him?

AnyFucker Sat 07-Sep-13 21:55:49

Do what every other parent has done since the dawn of time

If you don't wish to co sleep and your child does, you will have to get up every single time and lead him back to bed kindly until the message is received loud and clear

Locking doors is not the answer, especially if you are just transferring the problem to an older sibling.

ICantGoOverItICantGoUnderIt Sat 07-Sep-13 21:56:57

It doesn't seem fair to pass the problem on to your 8yo.

LovePotatoes Sat 07-Sep-13 21:57:17

Our DD 3y.o is coming into our room too around midnight. I will take her back but then the little monkey will come back at some point. As i am sooo knocked out after looking after her and 7mth DD I do not even realise she is in our bed until the morning!!!!

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