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AIBU?

To have told DP mum?

27 replies

HeyUGuys · 07/09/2013 20:45

My DP got hit by a car today and was taken to hospital with head/neck injuries.
He and inlaws fell out a while ago and havent spoken since, i have a good relationship with MIL and take dc to see her every week.
DP is on his own at hospital as i am at home with dc, i rang his parents as i thought they should know, they have left to go to hospital, did i do the right thing or should i have left it alone?

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MyBoysAreFab · 07/09/2013 20:46

I think you absolutely did the right thing. Whatever the back story is, he is still their son and they should know, regardless of what happens next.

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cocolepew · 07/09/2013 20:47

I think you did the right thing.
I hope he recovers well.

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squoosh · 07/09/2013 20:47

Definitely the right thing to do. Absolutely.

If you hadn't I can't imagine you would have maintained such cordial relations with your MIL once she'd heard from another source.

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squoosh · 07/09/2013 20:48

Oh and hope he gets well soon OP!

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HeyUGuys · 07/09/2013 20:51

I just let out a huge breath! Thank you all, i just hope he sees it the same way, i couldnt imagine one of my ds in hospital and not knowing.

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JumpingJackSprat · 07/09/2013 20:52

Cant they look after the kids while you went to the hospital? I hope he is ok. If he is scared/in pain he may not appreciate seeing his parents.

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YellowDinosaur · 07/09/2013 20:55

Sorry but I actually think yabu. I can understand why you did it but it should be up to your dh if his parents know what has happened. Presumably something significant has happened for them not to be in contact? For them to turn up, when they are estranged, and he is probably immobilized and can't get away from them, is out of order.

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HeyUGuys · 07/09/2013 20:55

Jumping, i didnt even think of that! I was all nervous telling them that it didnt enter my head. Prob would have been the better idea!

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HeyUGuys · 07/09/2013 20:58

They fell out over something silly that neither will say sorry for, a camping trip ds1 was left out of when everyone else went, it was lack of communication. They had an arguement, refused to speak to one another an its just dragged on

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BoneyBackJefferson · 07/09/2013 20:59

What YellowDinosaur said.

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squoosh · 07/09/2013 21:01

It was definitely the right thing to do. His family had the right to know, and it was the only thing to do if you want to remain on friendly terms with them yourself.

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YellowDinosaur · 07/09/2013 21:03

I'm sorry but family do NOT have a right to know. Even if they are not estranged.

I can understand the op feeling stuck in the middle. But she should have told her dh she wanted to tell his parents because of the awkward position she was in. so he could at least have tools the hospital staff to not allow them in if he didn't want to see them.

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BoneyBackJefferson · 07/09/2013 21:05

"and it was the only thing to do if you want to remain on friendly terms with them yourself."

But it is the OP's DP that is stuck in a bed unable to get away from people that he has (for whatever reason) stopped seeing.

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BrokenSunglasses · 07/09/2013 21:11

You are this mans DP, so hopefully you have a good relationship that puts you in the best position to judge about what he would want.

It's slightly concerning that you say this i just hope he sees it the same way, i couldnt imagine one of my ds in hospital and not knowing. As his DP, you should be thinking about what he wants more than his mothers position in this. But if you think he would be glad that they are there, then you did the right thing.

I hope he is ok, and makes a quick recovery.

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Twinklestarstwinklestars · 07/09/2013 21:12

Yanbu to tell them but I would have got them to have the do not go to the hospital.

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HeffalumpTheFlump · 07/09/2013 21:15

Sorry I think yabu. My dh has gone through periods where he has not been talking to his parents and he wouldn't have appreciated this at all. Hindsight is a beautiful thing but it would have been better for them to look after the dc. I hope it doesn't stress him out too much.

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hashtagwhatever · 07/09/2013 21:16

I'd have got them to watch dc whilst I went to the hospital.

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diddl · 07/09/2013 21:17

Could you not have asked him first?

Have you & the children managed to see him?

Depending on how he feels, he might rather have no one there.

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HeyUGuys · 08/09/2013 07:42

He's home now, and luckily he's ok.

I didnt get to speak to him, the hospital rang me at his request as his phone had got broken.

He wasn't angry, but he wasn't pleased although he said he understood why i told them, and said he would have done the same if he was in my position. Plus he got a lift back so maybe they'll manage to be civil now?

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phantomnamechanger · 08/09/2013 07:48

Glad your DP is OK and yes I think you did the right thing.

This is why I do not get petty rows and grudges among close family.

How would either side feel if one party was suddenly killed in an accident? Too late then to apologise and make amends.

Seriously, life is far too short to be holding onto grudges, and not speaking to people is pathetic. Tell the lot of them to grow up!

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elcranko · 08/09/2013 07:53

Hopefully this will be what gets them speaking again, as PP said- life's too short.

I'd probably have told them too but I'd have told them and asked them to watch the dc so I could go up to the hospital myself and promised to keep them informed.

Glad your DP is ok Smile

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pudcat · 08/09/2013 07:54

I think you did the right thing. If I had had a silly quarrel with my son and he had an accident resulting in head injuries I would want to know. Just imagine how his parents would have felt if he had died and they did not know. If that was me I would never be able to live with myself.

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FredFredGeorge · 08/09/2013 08:20

If he was unconscious, and the estrangement was genuinely silly - and likely to have been resolved at some point - then YWNBU to tell his family. However with him fully conscious and able to be asked what he wanted you were very unreasonable to tell them without his agreement.

Glad he's okay, and glad he's not too annoyed and understands though.

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bearleftmonkeyright · 08/09/2013 08:29

My dp had a similar situation with his parents which I did not understand. It took his mum to phone and tell him his dad had cancer and not long to live. We had also had another baby. IMO you did absolutely the right thing. These kind of situations can fester on and on. They both need to forgive and let Ho.

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bearleftmonkeyright · 08/09/2013 08:34

*go

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