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to hold a grudge against someone because of a Facebook status?

(84 Posts)
Screenshotqueen Sat 07-Sep-13 19:09:07

Nc for this. The early hours of the morning after her brother's funeral my 39 year old cousin updated her Facebook status as following:

...so, how many of us woke up today and thought, I know, I'm going to a funeral today, so lets take a CAMERA!!!!!!! Sick!!! Sick!!! Sick!!! I hope them photo's you took bring you many happy memories!!!! If this comment offends you just think how you offended us today!!!!!!!!! SHAME ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! Put them photo's on here at your peril ladies!!!!!!!! Sick!!!!!! Sick!!!!!!! Sick!!!!!!!

Then she gets the desired result lots of attention and sympathy from her hundreds of ignorant 'friends' who obviously take this to mean that some creep was chasing the coffin with a pap lens during the service and burial. She does not correct them. She laps all the attention up.

Until someone (my dsis1) who was actually at the funeral comes on to comment that no one was taking pictures at the ceremony and that my cousin was referring to the fact that some people, members of the extended family, myself and my lovely dd included, were using their cameras and phones at the pub afterwards taking photos of each other with family members that we rarely see. No one had objected to this completely normal phenomenon of this day and age. Unfortunately funerals now being one of the events that brings us all together.

Another person (my dsis2) came on to say that no offence was intended, if anyone from the immediate family had objected at the time, all cameras and phones would have been respectfully put away. And also pointed out the fact that at another family funeral 6 months before this one my cousin was happily posing for pictures at the wake with her new baby grandson.

All the ignorant sympathetic comments from my cousins many many Facebook 'friends' stopped once the truth came out and my cousin took great exception to having her moment of drama ended so she pm both my sisters that she thought it was still wrong to take photos in the pub (neither of them had taken photos but they had had their photos taken) and she never ever wanted to speak to either of them again. And deleted them from Facebook.

I went to visit my grieving aunt and uncle to apologise to them if they had been offended by us taking photos of each other, both said that they were not. I was not sure if they were aware of their daughters awful Facebook status but did not want to trouble them with that knowledge. It was just too ridiculous and childish a thing to put upon them.

I then proceeded to delete and block my cousin from my Facebook without a word to her. It was just too upsetting. My dsis's also blocked her even though they had already been deleted by her.

A couple of days after that I got a text from my aunt asking why me and my sisters had blocked her daughter from facebook as she had gone crying to her parents. My aunt does not understand facebook and has never used it so I told her I was no longer on facebook (I removed my profile altogether for a while).

I then received a call from my heartbroken uncle asking me to 'cut my cousin some slack' as she had just buried her brother. I said ok and meant it for their sake and went out of my way to go and see my cousin - I did not mention the FB status we just exchanged pleasantries for a couple of minutes re: how are the dc's etc. I have sent her birthday Xmas and new year texts.

Without going into anything else this is not the first time she has upset people by behaving like an absolute dick and a bully. I have always been so very very tolerant of her ridiculous behaviour in the past and have stuck up for her but over a year has passed since this incident and now and again I am back there at that horrible time, especially after I have seen her. I last saw her a few weeks ago at a family christening and I had to deliberately completely avoid her as I cannot stand her anymore!

Have I broken my promise to 'cut her some slack' or have I done well not to rip her fucking head off - not for attacking me so much as attacking my beautiful 19yo dd who is worth a million of her? WWYD?

Sorry for the rant. Thanks if you got this far.

SaucyJack Sun 08-Sep-13 21:52:52

I think you both behaved badly....... but at least she had an excuse.

Grow the frick up.

saulaboutme Sun 08-Sep-13 22:03:47

Omg, at our last family funeral we took pictures at the wake. Not jolly ones but relatives standing together. Someone did put a silly hat on my uncle while he was asleep...that was too far but it made us giggle.

Yanbu and your cousin is a hypocrite.

Ilovemyself Sun 08-Sep-13 22:56:26

Jeez. Most of the funerals I have been to have involved photos, laughter, and happy memories of the loved one we had lost.

At one cremation we even had a member of the group who is pagan ( and who the deceased used to shout "burn the witch" at ) stand up and shout " ha you bastard, you burnt before me". We all cried with laughter at that, because our loved one would have been so amused by it.

Perhaps if people thought about the good times rather than focusing inwardly it would all be so much easier.

Cravey Sun 08-Sep-13 23:04:24

This person has just lost her brother and you and your delightful sister are slagging her off on a public forum. Nice. She is no doubt devastated and you and your sister need to be a tad nicer.

kali110 Sun 08-Sep-13 23:17:40

Some people dont mind photos but people who do shouldnt be moaned about. Everybody grieves differently. I wouldnt have wanted photos at my dads funeral and i werent jolly

MyBaby1day Mon 09-Sep-13 13:26:01

YABU, it is sick to take a camera to a funeral, the very idea makes me want to be sick.

MillicentTendancies Mon 09-Sep-13 15:03:23

If I lost my brother I would be pissed off if people were treating the funeral like a reunion and taking snaps. Really distatesful imo.

ivykaty44 Mon 09-Sep-13 15:18:21

when my mum died my dad wanted photos at the funeral and that was his request. I found it really hard to go to the funeral but it was lovely to see all my family their and they came to say goodbye and handled it in different ways. I can't expect a cousin who lost her mum at 12 to find my mums funeral as harrowing as her own others funeral and wouldn't expect her to. We have photographs from my mums funeral and then when my cousins father did we have photographs from that as well, some of the family we will not see again and yes we are all dressed in somber clothing but the aunt wanted to take the photos home overseas.

I don't see it as a sick thing to do but if I went to a funeral and it stated no photography I wouldn't object

Jellybeanz1 Mon 09-Sep-13 15:32:30

Over 20 years ago at my Nan's funeral, photos were taken of the family back at the house and also of the vast amount of flowers. Those photos are the last time we gathered a lot of the extended family together (some from Australia). I'm glad they were taken but of course they were only displayed at my Grandad's house.

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