To think that my dad is a bit of a bad influence on my kids

(36 Posts)
BumFunHun Mon 02-Sep-13 14:37:21

Brief outline - he's been living with us for best part of a year after being booted out of his rented flat, and in return for us putting a roof over his head, helps out with childcare one day a week while I work.

In the last couple of months my 2yo has been coming out with some choice phrases; "I'm knackered" "Monty [cat] is a bumhole" "I farted from my mouth" "[baby] is a bum hole" and so on.

No 'swearing' as such (bum hole, knackered and fart aren't swearing in my book) but even so - hubby is getting the raving arse about it. I think it's not ideal, but am glad it's only these phrases she's picked up from him - it could be a lot worse. Tbf, if she chose one of my terms of endearments for the bloody cat it would be mortifying (he is a little shite at the moment)

So come on then - hit me with it! Do I need to have another word in the old man's ear? We've told him to watch his mouth around the kids before - but think it's probably a case of old habits die hard and all that jazz....

thebody Mon 02-Sep-13 14:40:12

eeww, horrible expressions to be honest so yes you should doeak to him.

I am an inveterate swerer but never did in front of my kids.

also bum hole and 'I farted through my mouth' are soooo horrible. just yeuk!!

CaptainSweatPants Mon 02-Sep-13 14:42:28

Ew!

DorasMummy Mon 02-Sep-13 14:45:28

I wouldn't be happy about it, but then I have to admit I am on the extremely fussy end of what DCs are taught to say (i.e. I don't want my toddler DD to say 'ta', I'd like her to learn to say thank you properly).

I think knackered is borderline, but a bit weird coming out of the mouth of a young child as it's such a grown up word. It would be better for a 2yr old - I think - to be consistently learning the 'proper' word, i.e. tired. Fart is a pretty usual term and not rude it itself, but again a bit adult. Bum hole is rude IMHO especially when used towards another child (your baby) and I would definitely be trying to put a stop to that - I think other parents could be a bit upset if that was flying around nursery as an insult hmm and I wouldn't want my DC learning that from someone else...

I think it's reasonable that your dad learns to adapt his language when looking after the DCs. DH and I swear like troupers together, but never in front of kids. I'd have another quiet word if I were you.

BumFunHun Mon 02-Sep-13 14:45:47

Yes, the 'farted from my mouth' one even made me want to chunder. Cheers! Thought it probably was gross! He's got a heart of gold, and the kids adore him, but this is the same dad that read us the tamer parts of viz as a bedtime story when we were kids, and I've turned out ok (honest!) Just wanted to suss out quite how awful others found those phrases!

I tone done my language round the kids myself (with difficulty at times, granted) but he just can't seem to help himself.

Fact there's now 6 of us in a 2 bed house and feeling a little on top of one another probably isn't helping either. He's doing quite a lot to fuck me off of late tbh

FunnysInLaJardin Mon 02-Sep-13 14:47:03

well, we have said knackered and fart in front of the DC from when they were young, but not so much bumhole so I might ask him to give that one a miss.

ShatnersBassoon Mon 02-Sep-13 14:48:01

Really? You really don't know if you should say something or just let him keep encouraging your toddler to call the baby a bumhole?

recall Mon 02-Sep-13 14:48:19

grin

Its not funny, but it is a bit…

I have the same problem with my Dad and my daughter.

I was trying to explain to her what an Orangutang was, and said "well you know what a monkey is right?" and she said yes, did an impression of a monkey and said "the ones who keep bananas up their arses?" shock My Dad swears this didn't come from him, but it hasn't come from us, and it is just the sort of phrase he would use.

I think you should say something to him for your Husband's sake. Its more the phrases and how they are used than actual swear words.

JaneFonda Mon 02-Sep-13 14:48:31

Er, I am genuinely confused as to what's wrong with knackered?! Surely it just means tired...?

BumFunHun Mon 02-Sep-13 14:48:55

He doesn't encourage. I'll make that clear. He doesn't however seem to think it's a problem.

recall Mon 02-Sep-13 14:51:31

Your Dad sounds great Bumfun and the kids will adore him. My dad reads bedtime stories to my children and changes them slightly - Prince Charming bringing Cinderella pork pies up to bed as a treat etc grin

runningonwillpower Mon 02-Sep-13 14:52:02

I swear horribly but I'm all grown-up and know the time and place. And it's never the right time or place in front of children.

I think all of the expressions you cited are forms of swearing (albeit mild) and they sound just horrible coming from the mouths of young children.

I know a few dads (and it is usually dads) who think it's funny to hear small children speak like teenagers but it's really not. I may be fuddy-duddy in this regard but I find it very unattractive.

I would definitely nip this in the bud.

runningonwillpower Mon 02-Sep-13 14:53:11

PS. Your dad does sound great.

PPS. Knackered is not ok if you know what it really means.

BumFunHun Mon 02-Sep-13 14:53:28

recall - are you in fact my sister?!

When she said bumhole, I've got to be honest, my first thought was 'at least she didn't call him an arse' :-/

Definitely will have another word with him later I think. It's not great, and don't particularly want her picking up too many more grandadisms

JaneFonda, I'm with you - don't see anything wrong with the word knackered - but by same token, agree with a pp, it just sounds really weird coming from the mouth of such a small child

BumFunHun Mon 02-Sep-13 14:58:58

He is great Recall - I love him dearly - and the kids find him hilarious.

He also came up with the inspired idea of alternative uses for Peppa Pig to pass the day; Peppa Crackling, PLT sarnies

As well as coming up with a whole new version of the 'That's Not My...Car' book: That's not my car, it's windows have no seagull crap. That's not my car, it's driving at the legal speed limit, That's not my car, it's emissions are at a legal level. That's not my car, it started on the second attempt. That's not my car, the children in the back are too quiet. That's not my car, the floor doesn't have mashed up wotsits stuck to it.

Love him.

But his mouth does need a bit of a wash out with soap

Runningonwillpower - that's what hubby said re word knackered.

digerd Mon 02-Sep-13 15:00:42

Just wondering how your dad is "knackered". Is it from looking after the 2-year-old for a day? Or/and when he comes in from work? I use that word as I am old and knackered grin.
However, "the cat/baby is a bumhole" and " I farted from my mouth", I do not use and haven't heard anybody else saying it either. Not nice infront of a 2 year-old who repeats what he/she hears.

As your DH was furious , he should tell him he will not have it infront of DC - man to man talk. Hope it works.

BumFunHun Mon 02-Sep-13 15:06:41

I wish it was from coming in from work digerd - but alas, he is a bit of a bum[hole] himself at the moment - part of the problem I think. He's moved away from his friends in his old town when we took him in, and at 58 is struggling to find work. I think it's the kids just being here that tire him out! On the one day a week he helps out, he looks beat at the end of it!

He never says 'farted from my mouth' - but he does have excessive use of the word fart (being as he isn't exactly shy about expelling the excess wind himself) I think that particular phrase was her referring to a burp - and trying to be funny :-/ Hilarious. Not.

Liking your thinking to let DH have a man chat with him though. It will give him an excuse to have a beer this evening. I'll sell it to him that way ;)

I did laugh a little at the baby been a bum hole. It doesn't sound bad to me but then again I have a nearly 4 year old so its all about willys, bums and farts anyway.

My son has picked up words from my dad. I am currently ignoring him saying Fecker.

He heard my dad say it in the car to another car that had pulled out and nearly hit him.

My mums the worse for it. She says 'oh fuck', then 'oh fuck I said fuck' then 'oh ffs I did it again'
then the finale of 'fuck it' grin

Strangely though the toddler never picked that word up.

MmeLindor Mon 02-Sep-13 15:12:01

Am I the only one looking a bit hmm at the name of the OP?

And you worry that your Dad is a bad influence on your DC smile

Sounds like his sense of humour didn't bypass a generation.

BumFunHun Mon 02-Sep-13 15:22:22

The name is an historical one when I switched to this website from another well known parenting forum ;)

As he helped bring me up, I find it hard at times to see much wrong with his ways - although appreciate some may find him vulgar at times. I've managed to hold down a successful, professional job for years and the kids don't do any 'real' swearing (no fucking, shitting etc)

Think I've got my answer though - he does need a quiet word in the lughole later.

MmeLindor Mon 02-Sep-13 15:46:26

He sounds lovely, btw. I much prefer his version of That's Not My Car

FunnysInLaJardin Mon 02-Sep-13 15:59:39

I did Mme but didn't want to appear rude. I did think 'well, like father like daughter' grin

DoJo Mon 02-Sep-13 16:01:03

I'm astonished at people's reactions to the term 'bum hole' which I wouldn't even have considered particularly rude, let alone worth banning, and am dying to be enlightened about the term 'knackered' beyond it's meaning as being tired enough to be considered ready for the knackers yard. I don't think any of this sounds too bad to be honest, but if it bothers your husband then by all means address it with your dad.

I saw in MN that knackered meant sexually tired or something. Fuck knows, never used it to mean that.

I wish grin

digerd Tue 03-Sep-13 07:28:54

The first time I heard the word was in connection with old and worn out horses were sent to the Knackers Yard to be slaughteredsad

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