To call the police about my own family?

(87 Posts)
Famzilla Mon 02-Sep-13 13:33:05

I have posted some threads here about my incredibly toxic and abusive mother and how I am trying to go NC after a blowout Infront of my DD. It's a long long story but basically the whole time I'm NC with her my entire family won't talk to me either. It is something I have come to accept.

She hasn't gone quietly and keeps messaging me like nothing has happened.

When my nan died (from my biological fathers side, so nothing to do with our current family set up) she left me a lot of expensive jewellery. DM has always kept this in a safe as I couldn't be trusted not to sell it. Ridiculous as I'm in a professional job and get by just fine. This isn't a stealth boast or anything but I have quite a lot in savings so really don't need to sell it!

Anyways I asked for it back the other day. She has lost the key and has better things to do than find it apparently. Fine. She then messages me a few days later asking if I want some stuff she has bought for DD ( she always does this, she is incredibly generous as a way of getting you back 'on side' so to speak)

I say that the jewellery is more important and that we need to figure out how to open the safe. You see, DP and I are getting married in 6 weeks and I really wanted to wear my nans wedding ring. DM doesn't know we're getting married as she shit all over our original wedding plans so we're just doing it our way. 2 witnesses, nice lunch afterwards etc.

Anyways, she has unleashed a torrent of abuse. Saying that if I'm going to be petty she wants everything she has ever given us back. Including Christmas presents, DD's pram, cot, everything. And the dog. (we took the dog from her because she was breeding it to death and admitted she couldn't take care of her properly as her other dogs were attacking her. We adore our dog but she cost us £1000's in vet bills & getting her spayed etc so I really wouldn't view her as a gift)

She is saying that my dad will drive round and take everything. I have no doubt that he will, my family have form for doing stuff like this. I am terrified.

I know this is all very Jeremy Kyle.

My SF and DB have been texting me the most horrendous abuse all morning. Both outlining how much they've always hated me and how DM was the only one that made them be civil to me. I havent replied but it just keeps coming. I'm just sat here in tears.

Now, my point is.. Can they come and take all my things? It was all a gift. I'm so terrified they will come down here and smash doors to get to things. I'm scared they'll hurt me Infront of DD.

Can I call the police? Will they let them take things because they bought it? They won't come right now, they'll just turn up at a random time soon.

Sorry this is all so jumbled.

AnneUulmelmahay Mon 02-Sep-13 13:35:45

I think you need legal advide wrt the jewellery

If they come and make a scene/frighten or threaten you then yes, call the police

DropYourSword Mon 02-Sep-13 13:36:25

God you poor thing!

I couldn't say for absolute certain, but I'd have thought SURELY these are your things and no-one has the right to come onto your property to steal them off you?!

DropYourSword Mon 02-Sep-13 13:37:10

Could you phone citizens advice for some help?

Call the police on 101
Explain the situation and seek advice from them
That way it could be documented in case you need to call them at a later date

Thurlow Mon 02-Sep-13 13:39:26

Call 101 now and tell them that threats have been made and you are scared they will come to your houseand try to break in to get the things back.

Yes of course you can and should call the police.
Do it now and make them aware of the harrasment by text and the threats.
They should be able to put you on an alert so if you do call you will be a priority.
So sorry you have such a toxic family.
I'd write off the jewellery as well. It's probably sold off by now so you can probably report her for that as well.
Congrats on getting married. I hope you have a wonderful day.
Enjoy it and try not to think about your horrible family.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Mon 02-Sep-13 13:41:04

Good heavens, Famzilla! No, you WNBU to ring 101 and ask for advice.

I don't know this from a legal viewpoint but I should imagine that whether or not the pram, cot, etc. were a gift from your mother is irrelevant. They were given to you and are your property. For anyone to break in and take them would amount to theft and criminal damage.

Locketjuice Mon 02-Sep-13 13:42:50

They can't take the things, as they were a gift to you, its her word against yours, I would call the non emergency number and have it all logged now so if it does come to it the police will be round within seconds rather than having the explain the whole thing in detail before they send someone out, hope your ok they sound vile!

Yorkieaddict Mon 02-Sep-13 13:43:42

Of course you can call the police. The abuse you are getting is harassment for a start. If they turn up dial 999. They can't come and take things from your house by force. If they really believe they have a claim to it, they would need to see a solicitor and sort it out that way. It sounds likely to me that your Mum has sold the jewelry and is trying to scare you into giving up asking for it back.

Locketjuice Mon 02-Sep-13 13:44:25

Something to do with possession is 9:10 blah blah blah, remember when my ex was threatening to come and strip my house, my aunt who is in law said it and that was the reason he wasn't lawfully allowed to?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

burberryqueen Mon 02-Sep-13 13:46:59

call the police right now, you are being threatened and scared, the fact that it is your own family is immaterial to the police.
btw i would be surprised if you see that jewellery again.

loopyluna Mon 02-Sep-13 13:51:48

Of course they can't take anything back -the baby stuff etc were gifts, cannot be taken back. If they try to take them, they would be committing theft and you would be within your rights to report them. If they try to take them forcefully, phone 999.

The dog, is clearly yours and the vet must have records showing you have paid for her healthcare. No way can they take her back.

Get legal advice re the jewellery.

Then draw a line and have nothing further to do with these awful people. Have a lovely wedding and turn the page.

YoniMitchell Mon 02-Sep-13 13:53:40

Crikey, I'd definitely speak to someone about their threats although unless they actually break in or try to steal anything I'm not sure what action could be taken.

A solicitor could probably help you get the jewellery (do you have descriptions of it and proof it was left to you?). Do you think your mum even still has the jewellery?

ceebie Mon 02-Sep-13 13:53:44

Honey, I'm afraid the jewellery is almost certainly gone. Why not accept that and, sadly, leave the subject alone, and let everything else die down. If you don't pursue the jewellery and don't reply to their texts etc, will it all blow over?

Famzilla Mon 02-Sep-13 13:55:21

Thank you so much for your replies, am feeling very much like a frightened child at the moment. DP has left work and is on his way home, although stuck in traffic.

I have asked them so many times to just leave me alone and they won't. They're saying that I only had DD so I would have some form of leverage over them as I never stood up for myself before she was born.

I'll let the jewellery go if I have to. It's not the monetary value at all, she cared for me for months on end throughout my childhood and we adored each other. I know half of it went to my cousin who was only a newborn when she died though, so maybe she'll let me buy a small bit off her in time.

burberryqueen Mon 02-Sep-13 13:56:42

i think ceebie is right.....if someone is chasing you, stop running....

Famzilla Mon 02-Sep-13 13:58:37

Oh and I don't think it'll blow over. They won't let me go and every time I try they just got so nasty I would give in for an easier life. Until I stepped a foot out of line again, usually by not doing as I was told.

It's a vivacious circle that has been going on for years. Only now it's different because I have my own family.

burberryqueen Mon 02-Sep-13 13:59:12

they sound horrible, can you not just cut them off completely? you say they 'won't leave you alone' - changed your mobile number? cancelled fb?
moved house and not told them the address? all of these things are worth doing.
do take care OP flowers

Famzilla Mon 02-Sep-13 13:59:23

Viscous, not vivacious!

LegoLegoEverywhere Mon 02-Sep-13 14:01:17

You're not sounding jumbled Famzilla. It's natural to feel all over the place when the rage from family starts up again. They cannot take your things no matter how much they bluster. Ring the police and explain what had happened (and no playing it down, they need to know how utterly dysfunctional and threatening your "family" is). This will give you much needed validation and back up, and hopefully it will help you feel better equipped to deal with the nonsense.

mypavlova Mon 02-Sep-13 14:01:23

As hard as this may be to hear, you will never see that jewelry again and I will eat my hat if she didn't sell it long ago. I don't believe she ever kept it for you. Sounds totally out of "character." She is all about selfishness, lying and manipulative controlling, as shown by her setting your family on you, which is known as abuse by proxy. And of course all her current behavior is out of control abusive. You could probably write a series of books of the way she has behaved over the years, it is that obvious just by the current situation.

I do think you should call the police, but just for starters. It is a good plan to keep your wedding to just you, and I encourage you to put that kind of self protection into place in every aspect of your life. Refuse abusive texts, calls, ploys. Be hard to contact. Return contact only on your terms in a controlled environment, go in only with back up like police or soldiers would, have an exit strategy. Answering a call or text from your family is akin to being ambushed and beaten. Don't accept that. All the best to you and a bright future to you both.

Badvoc Mon 02-Sep-13 14:02:13

How can they contact you?
Change phone number and get the hell off FB!!

Elsiequadrille Mon 02-Sep-13 14:03:31

It must be provoking that she won't give you the jewellery. I'm afraid I would be tempted to write it off and cease contact with them.

Surely they wouldn't dare to break into your house to take things back? I'm horrified! Do call the police if they attempt this, certainly.

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