DH and I moved away from our hometown years ago.
We have regular happy visits from my family and he has recently re established contact with his DM after a few years of going no contact.
His relationship with his DM has been incredibly difficult. He was taken into Foster Care at 13 following a number of years of physical abuse and emotional abuse from his father and later, when his father eventually left, physical abuse started from his mother. She has also had MH problems and he has been a carer for her on and off during his early adult life.
My DH early childhood was really very good and she parented him well in the first few year and he attributes that he has managed to maintain some sort of relationship with her to this.
In the last year she has visited a couple of times and visits have been pleasant and positive. I am pregnant and she is very very excited about the new baby and has enjoyed buying lots of little clothes for her and keeps in regular contact.
I work with children and families, my DH is a professional too, we have a happy, stress free, comfortable lifestyle, naice home etc.
Now, my worry is that from a professional point of view, if i was aware that one of my service users children were in contact with a family member who had offences against children, I would be concerned and asking questions.
My take on it at the moment is MIL will not be seeing a great deal of DD and will probably only be visiting for a few days once or twice a year.
MIL, i do not feel, is a risk to DD and will certainly not be alone with DC. (Though I imagine may offer to baby sit for a few hours so we can go out - which i will have to say no too - for obvious reasons) I am concerned though about where this leaves me professionally and also how i manage this with DH. I really want DD to have some kind of relationship with her grandmother but having heard of people being suspended from their professions for similar involvement with family members who have had offences against children, am really quite worried.
DH and I have had a few conversations and we both recognise that MIL must be supervised with DD, but are we going far enough to ensure DD is safe ( i feel we certainly would be) and that we would be satisfying professional bodies that we were keeping DD safe?
I do not feel we could reasonably expect MIL to stay in a hotel for her visits. We have a large house with spare rooms etc. She could not afford a hotel and although we could perhaps offer to pay for one occasionally is somehow doesn't seem quite right..........
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AIBU?
AIBU reasonable to be concerned about perceptions of MIL having contact with our chlld? ... some upsetting content.
23 replies
catinabox · 24/08/2013 06:07
OP posts:
catinabox ·
01/09/2013 18:42
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