to say no to another baby because dh doesn't want me to breastfeed?

(206 Posts)
Hollibaloo Tue 20-Aug-13 23:54:15

I have a 7 and 2 year old. I am very much pro-breastfeeding and for fed my eldest til she self weaned at 3 and am still feeding my 2 year old. Dh and I would like dc3 but tonight he said that he wants this hypothetical baby to be formula fed. He said he knows bf is healthier etc but he thinks ff is quicker, easier and will give us more time together. His children with ex wife were ff and they had lots of nights out which we don't. I said I'd compromise and use a dummy but that bf is important to me and Seriseeing as I work from home and do all night feeds it should really be up to me. He said I picked to bf dc1+2 so it's time he had a choice. Aibu to stand my ground and say I will only have another dc if I can breastfeed?

MyNameIsRio Sat 24-Aug-13 22:16:48

Does he want another child so much because he especially wants one of s particular sex.

Hollibaloo Sat 24-Aug-13 21:46:05

I don't understand how that'd be relevant Rio...?

MyNameIsRio Sat 24-Aug-13 18:08:22

Is it because he especially wants a boy/girl ?

OP, why does he want another child? Really, why?

This man has sired four children already. (Can't quite bring myself to say 'fathered', as he appears to not actually want to do any fathering.) The ONLY motivation that fits with the behaviour/pronouncements described by you would be the 'look at me and all the fruits of my loins, I'm soooo virile' kind of thing. Which is about as attractive as his seeing "spare time (ie 5 mins while 2 yo is engrossed in shape sorter) as potential sex time". Hence your comment that you "like sex but don't like feeling I'm going to be mauled everytime baby/kids are occupied or asleep.".

And why do you want to have another child by this arse man?

Quickquidqueen Fri 23-Aug-13 21:02:54

OhDearNigel grin

But he has already ff babies, he did that in his previous marriage, so what is he complaining about?

Maybe he can ff the babies he gets with his third wife..

OhDearNigel Thu 22-Aug-13 23:45:09

Well. Every time i am pissed off with Dh all i have to do is come on MN and realise that women round the country are lumbered with complete nobs and Dh doesn't seem half as bad

Jux Thu 22-Aug-13 21:43:07

DD was ff (necessity, not my choice nor dh's) and didn't sleep through until over a year old. She is one of the least sickly children I have come across too. 14yo now.

However, OP, this is not actually relevant to you, is it? Your problem is far worse. Your h is an arse. I predict that when you do go back to work, you will find you will still be doing everything at home, as your h works, doncha know?

pippitysqueakity Thu 22-Aug-13 20:40:24

wot valium said

valiumredhead Thu 22-Aug-13 18:59:23

I wouldn't want a baby with such a twat of a man so problem sorted.

Filly but he's not here to tell us his version, is he?

You can only comment on what is written by the OP, same as every single thread on MN.

PM OP and tell her you want his version of events on MN so you can give a valid answer to her AIBU , yes that would work wouldn't it hmm

Fillyjonk75 Thu 22-Aug-13 17:50:47

I don't know how people are reading so much into what the OP has said about her partner. I'd like to hear his side. People just read stuff and make assumptions based on their own experiences, not on the actual facts, IMO. I do find it weird.

appletarts Wed 21-Aug-13 18:45:44

I couldn't even stay married to someone so infantile and in competition with his unborn baby. Prick!

FunLovinBunster Wed 21-Aug-13 18:41:16

I wouldn't be planning to have a baby with this man, OP.
The only thing I would be planning is how quickly I could leave this prick.

expatinscotland Wed 21-Aug-13 18:37:21

I'll never understand people who get together with such twunty folks, much less procreate with them. Why? Not even for the best shag in the world.

Squitten Wed 21-Aug-13 18:33:17

"I did express so he could feed but he said at the time the sterilising etc was too long winded and he'd rather I just fed baby than them get upset...!"

Well he's going to be REALLY handy if you FF then, isn't he?!

Your issue is not with feeding. Your issue is that your DH is a twat. I'm assuming he must have some wonderful character traits hidden away under all this BS for you to bother procreating with him in the first place...

mynameismskane Wed 21-Aug-13 18:30:10

I exclusively bf'd both mine for two years and three years the second (they self weaned) and I am glad I did to give them the benefits of breastmilk and it helped through things like teething, colds, etc not to mention the other numerous benefits of breastmilk. You say why would you but why not when it is so good for babies/toddlers. I will never fail to be shocked by the deliberate ignorance of some people when it comes to breastmilk. It is such a shame that society here overlooks and undervalues the importance of breastmilk.

ipswichwitch Wed 21-Aug-13 18:03:35

Should say MAY lead you.

ipswichwitch Wed 21-Aug-13 18:02:00

Thing is, it's not really a matter of whether you bf or ff, your DH wants his life to be like it was before kids and responsibility - going out drinking whenever and sex on tap, which isn't really compatible with family life with 3 young DC.
He is not willing to help out more and change his behaviour, which actually (ironically) lead to you being more "in the mood" than if you're flat out looking after 3 DC alone. E wants you to change to suit him.
Also, seems to me the fact his kids from precious marriage are used to being plonked in front of the tv and left with whoever, is probably the reason they are less clingy and therefore bugger all to do with ff/bf.

I think the whole problem here, is your dh and in your situation i would not even consider having another dc with things the way they are.

Lazyjaney Wed 21-Aug-13 17:33:25

Why should the facts - that Breastfeeding is best - be hidden away for fear of offence

Or maybe not - WHO gets honest, no discernible differences

apps.who.int/iris/bitstream/10665/79198/1/9789241505307_eng.pdf

It's also not unreasonable to ask why a new baby needs 2+ years of EBf when the vast majority of UK children are brought up largely on FF very successfully, and it is definitely less intrusive on the rest of the family interactions. I agree though that Ff goes hand in hand with fatherly input.

But this isn't really about EBf, the OP is using it as a screen for deeper relationship issues.

VileWoman Wed 21-Aug-13 17:29:28

As I was the one who posted the comment about men wanting 'their' breasts back I think I should defend DH's good father and husband credentials since it is his birthday and say that comment was my clumsy expression rather than a true reflection of his viewpoint. I completely lose all interest in sex while BFing so he is a lot more starved of sex than the OPs!

mynameismskane Wed 21-Aug-13 16:32:50

Well, I would say that if people who ff are offended by the true statement that there are more risks with formula feeding, then that is their issue. Why should the facts - that Breastfeeding is best - be hidden away for fear of offence?

jellybeans Wed 21-Aug-13 16:07:26

YANBU. How selfish, the babies needs should come first and bf is almost always best for baby... (Not having a go at ff, I ff some of mine after only a week or so)

I don't get these selfish men who put their own needs first. I knew of a man who didn't want his DW to bf because, 'why should she get to do all the feeds' and he wanted his mother to be able to feed the baby...

You are not old and boring

You are a responsible parent of young children and if you would rather stay home and relax, or catch up on sleep rather than going out on the piss and feeling awful the next day and having to deal with a baby and a hangover, that's is ok.

He clearly has never had to think about things like that.

FWIW ds1 was FF, didnt sleep through the night til he was 19 months so FF doesn't actually make them sleep.

But, at the end of the day, all he is worried about is sex isn't it? I mean, if you told him you could 100% gaurantee that by BF then a baby would sleep all night then he would be just as happy to go along with that.

He isn't thinking about you in all of this, he's thinking about what will cause the least hassle for him.

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