To be upset that I've been told by relative we've spelt DD's middle name wrong!

(162 Posts)
lazzaroo Wed 07-Aug-13 19:00:01

so, we got a card from this relative at the weekend as it was a special occasion. Which was nice of her. In the card was a letter, 'that's nice' I thought. But the sole purpose of the note was to say we'd spelt DD's middle name wrong. We gave her 2 middle names, after nan's on both sides. 2 nan's had the same name, but she wanted to point out that her mum did not spell it how we have. She did it in a 'hope you don't mind me noting but....' way which really pissed me off.

We tried to do a nice thing by including both nan's and spelt it how we liked it (the normal way, we didn't do some random modern twist!). I just don't get the point of her saying anything. What does she expect us to do?! why say anything?!

I know I just have to ignore it but can anyone explain to me what her thinking was?!

BrianTheMole Wed 07-Aug-13 19:20:44

Maybe she wanted to let you know in case you didn't realise. I can't see the problem? It doesn't sound as though she was being horrible.

chattychattyboomba Wed 07-Aug-13 19:21:15

What everyone else said and.....marking place to find out name (nosey) wink

lazzaroo Wed 07-Aug-13 19:23:55

Sorry, I wasn't clear. Yes 2 names after 3 nans! 2 of dh's had same name....that's caused the problem. The other nan was mine!

ZenGardener Wed 07-Aug-13 19:25:12

I guess it's a name like Kathryn but you spelt it Catherine. I don't think it's a big deal. Bin the letter and try to forget about it.

FamiliesShareGerms Wed 07-Aug-13 19:25:18

Oh yes, we need to know the name! (And the fact it's taken her seven months to write the letter is a bit odd - I confess I'd assumed DD was a bit younger than that)

lazzaroo Wed 07-Aug-13 19:27:17

Oh god, I'm super paranoid about giving myself away but have probably done enough to have done that anyway....it's Lillian.

Thanks all for thoughts. Given me perspective. Will just forget about it smile

Salmotrutta Wed 07-Aug-13 19:32:21

That's a very pretty name OP.

smile

zoobaby Wed 07-Aug-13 19:33:52

Can't you see you did it all wrong? Should've gone for 3 middle names, 2 the same but with different spellings then the 3rd name. Then all she'd have to complain about would be the order grin.

I imagine she was trying to be helpful - you could reply and say that you preferred x spelling but you still wanted to honour the GM. Does she realise that DD is named after 3 GM, is she snubbed that you chose the other spelling. I would just say that you went with the most contemporary spelling. Dd1 is named in memory of her GM. The name is slightly different as we didn't want dd to feel she had to live up to GM memory but we wanted to pass the name on, also we liked the derivative name but not the original name as much. One or two relatives commented but my view is we didn't need to use the name at all, dd likes her name and it is special to her as she never met her GM who died a few years before she was born. There is a special link there, but that probably belongs in the woo thread not this one. If she mentions it again say she is named in memory of her, and that in time dd will love to hear from her about the other xxxxxxlxx.

Ok the other Lilian, who spells it with one l, your dd would forever be correcting it.

lazzaroo Wed 07-Aug-13 19:56:05

She might think we've given the other nan preferential treatment but we haven't. We don't even know how she spells her name! Didn't particularly want to know, so we wouldn't upset anyone by us choosing the spelling we liked (to be fair, I didn't realise there was so much choice, we just thought we'd spelt it the right way!) but clearly we failed. At least the nan herself won't be upset, she passed away a few years ago.

FriskyHenderson Wed 07-Aug-13 20:09:43

Write back to the aunt and say you've seen the light and are now calling your DD Baby Lillian Lilian Lazzaroo.

Or just ignore her.

lazzaroo Wed 07-Aug-13 20:22:28

As tempting as option A is friskyhenderson I think I'll go for option B.

Recycling gets collected tomorrow, the letter will be in it smile

Shrugged Wed 07-Aug-13 20:22:40

I have to say I would be tempted to write back and say your DD was named after her other grandmother, with the appropriate spelling.

babybarrister Wed 07-Aug-13 20:23:43

Reminds me that we did in fact manage to mis spell DS middle name as intending to copy DH GF but cocked it up - he was Laurance and we did Laurence . grin

It sounds to me like your relative was simply trying to be helpful, especially as she didn't know that the other Nan spelt the name the way you have. I wouldn't read anything else into it. If you see her you could mention that there were two spellings and you picked the other one. No reason to explain it any further than that imo.

lazzaroo Wed 07-Aug-13 21:23:47

That's fine but We didn't pick the other one! We haven't picked one over the other because we didn't know how either spelt their names. We did that so as not to be seen to favour one over the other & upset anyone. we just chose how we wanted to spell it. She even said that's all that matters in her letter....which is why I don't get her reason for making an issue of it!

Anyway. I have taken all comments on board & will just let it go. Although I really hope she doesn't think we've favoured one nan over the other.

AnnabelleLee Wed 07-Aug-13 21:26:37

If you are naming a child after a relative, how does it not occur to you to check how they spelled it? I'm bemused.

Ah, I see. Sorry, I misunderstood.

ANnabelle have you actually read the thread?

there were 2 nans. Lillian and Lilian

they wanted to use the name, and chose the spelling the preferred.

lazzaroo Wed 07-Aug-13 21:31:27

Because, as I've tried to explain, we were naming her after 2 relatives. They had the same name but spelt them differently and used different shortened versions (Anne & Lily).

We, stupidly, thought the sentiment would be appreciated and that as the spelling made no difference to the pronunciation we could choose to spell it how we wished.

If she asks about it when I see her I'll explain, otherwise it won't become an issue.

Me too. The part of all this that is most confusing is that none of you know how to spell the name of a close family member? confused

But you kept saying that you don't know how she spelled it and neither did the relative who is complaining? confused

lazzaroo Wed 07-Aug-13 21:34:01

Because both opted to live by a shortened name, as above.

AnnabelleLee Wed 07-Aug-13 21:34:20

Well, she may have picked what she liked, but WITHOUT knowing who spelled what which way. So my point stands perfectly well.

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