To be upset that I've been told by relative we've spelt DD's middle name wrong!

(162 Posts)
lazzaroo Wed 07-Aug-13 19:00:01

so, we got a card from this relative at the weekend as it was a special occasion. Which was nice of her. In the card was a letter, 'that's nice' I thought. But the sole purpose of the note was to say we'd spelt DD's middle name wrong. We gave her 2 middle names, after nan's on both sides. 2 nan's had the same name, but she wanted to point out that her mum did not spell it how we have. She did it in a 'hope you don't mind me noting but....' way which really pissed me off.

We tried to do a nice thing by including both nan's and spelt it how we liked it (the normal way, we didn't do some random modern twist!). I just don't get the point of her saying anything. What does she expect us to do?! why say anything?!

I know I just have to ignore it but can anyone explain to me what her thinking was?!

Doshusallie Wed 07-Aug-13 19:01:34

I assume, if she thought (rightly?) that you wanted to name your daughter after a mutual relative, that you might have wanted to use the same spelling.

I wouldn't read much more into it than that tbh....

Redlocks30 Wed 07-Aug-13 19:02:49

WSS ^^

heidihole Wed 07-Aug-13 19:03:37

Doesn't sound too unreasonable to me!

Presumably she thought you were naming her after the nan and had spelt it wrong by accident. She's not to know you changed the spelling deliberately.

Salmotrutta Wed 07-Aug-13 19:05:50

Well there's thing you can do about it so I'd just point out that you preferred your spelling or something.

She's probably just a bit pedantic like me and just had to point it out!

What's the name and spelling? You have to tell us you know wink

emuloc Wed 07-Aug-13 19:06:24

She could be wondering why you did not just spell the name the same way as the nan seeing as it is only a middle name you have used it for and really only she can tell you what she was thinking

Scruffey Wed 07-Aug-13 19:06:27

Why do you care what this relative says?

FamiliesShareGerms Wed 07-Aug-13 19:06:28

I think it was quite a nice thing to do - I don't understand why you would change the spelling if you are naming someone after a relative, and she was probably worried you'd made a mistake without realising.

DeepPurple Wed 07-Aug-13 19:06:34

I wouldn't read too much into it. She's just letting you know how it was spelt!

Salmotrutta Wed 07-Aug-13 19:07:43

Did you deliberately choose the different spelling or did you think that was actually how the relative spelt it?

I'm just not clear from the OP.

lazzaroo Wed 07-Aug-13 19:08:41

DD is 7 months now so it took me a bit by surprise.

2 nan's had the same name, pronounced the same but perhaps spelt differently. I don't know. She doesn't know either, because she made a point of saying in the letter...'perhaps this is how x spells her name'. She also said 'it's what you like that matters'. In which case, if she truly thinks that, why mention it!?

I just didn't get it but you're probably right. I'll just forget it.

Coconutty Wed 07-Aug-13 19:09:13

If you named her after her, it's unusual not to spell it the same imo.

Coconutty Wed 07-Aug-13 19:10:12

Maybe she thought you were showing a preference to the other nan if you used her spelling? Petty, I know but could be a possibilty?

Salmotrutta Wed 07-Aug-13 19:11:08

Ah, I see.

I wouldn't give it another thought - once you have told us the name and spelling obviously... grin

Fraggle3112 Wed 07-Aug-13 19:12:06

If I've read the OP right them the name was after 2 people who had the same name with different spellings and the aunt was saying you've spelt it wrong as you chose the spelling which was not her sisters?

It sounds like she is making a pint of the fact you chose the other nans spelling which I agree is uncalled for. You did a lovely thing in honouring both relatives the spelling is entirely your choice But some people are just rude and intent on having their say. YANBU but just ignore her, if she mentions it again just politely explain you chose your preferred spelling but the name is to honor both nan's.

lazzaroo Wed 07-Aug-13 19:12:24

I care because it's dh's family & I try really hard with them but feel like I always get it wrong. This was a prime example.

Because there were 2 nan's we decided best to spell it the most usual way, as it makes no difference to the pronunciation and the sentiment was the same.

We used 2 l's in the name, she only used 1.

BookFairy Wed 07-Aug-13 19:12:27

What a pointless and thoughtless letter. Even if you had spelt it incorrectly what would they expect you to do? Change it by deed poll? No need. Don't fall out over it, but I understand your annoyance.

I presume it's a name like Claire/Clare.

Fraggle3112 Wed 07-Aug-13 19:13:30

Point not pint.

Sorry for spellings, on phone

PurplePidjin Wed 07-Aug-13 19:13:46

I read it that both women had the same name but different spelkings - eg Catherine and Kathryn. The OP has named her daughter Catherine but the relative has written to say that it should be Kathryn.

Yanbu, that's quite a rude thing to ask about since she's clearly not close enough to you to bring it up briefly over coffee or similar!

runningonwillpower Wed 07-Aug-13 19:14:26

She sounds a bit of a smart arse to me.

Whatever the provenance of the name (and does she know it is in memory of two nans not one) she can hardly expect you to go back and change it now. So, she's being a smart-arse.

Let it go.

Jan49 Wed 07-Aug-13 19:14:30

If your intention was to name her after your nan but use a different spelling from the one your nan had, then you could write back, thank her and just explain. I think she just thinks you intended to name her after your nan and got the spelling wrong. Maybe she just wanted to get it off her chest (because she thinks you said you were naming dd this but you didn't really) or she thought it was better to mention it now than leave it and risk you finding out years later and being annoyed. I don't think she's done anything wrong. You might have wanted to change it.

I can't understand though. You gave her 2 middle names after 2 nans but they both have the same name so that would only be one name? confused

BookFairy Wed 07-Aug-13 19:14:45

Don't let it get you down, lazzaroo smile

TSSDNCOP Wed 07-Aug-13 19:15:35

I confused. She's got 2 middle names. They are the same name eg Ann Anne and you've spelt one differently?

I'm confused

TSSDNCOP Wed 07-Aug-13 19:16:41

Oh x post.

It's a pointless letter, because there are two nans with the name, and it's spelt differently for each nan.

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