To not want to receive bad news whilst on Holiday?

(86 Posts)
mrsshearsagain Sat 03-Aug-13 08:20:46

Dh and I need some views on this one, we are due to go on hoilday with our dc in 3 weeks time, it is a long haul for which we have done lots of saving.
While disussing various points about the holiday it has become apparent that we don't agree on this issue, my view is that if something were to happen whilst we were away in the form of bad news, I would not want to be made aware until we returned, reasons being there is no way we would be able to get back early due to the extra cost, we would worry constantly whilst away and the holiday would be ruined for the children, dh disagrees and says he would rather know.
Whilst I'm not 100% about the idea, I don't see the point of being made aware of something that we are unable to do anything about until we return and that could result in a lot of worry and stress, what do you think?

It is for individual families to decide.

My FIL died after a long illness, on the third day of my BIL's holiday, we had to tell them, as he had been ill, the body was immediately released for burial. It took a day to get in touch with him.

They were on a package holiday and the Rep was brilliant, she arranged everything, at no extra cost, even though they wasn't covered by insurance for this.

If he hadn't of returned early, he would of missed the funeral, or had no input in it.

We didn't tell BIL about the chest infection that, FIL developed the day after he flew, as there had been many and he could of recovered.

I do believe in discussing funerals, though, even if a death isn't expected, it saves the fallout, which always happens if one relative feels slighted.

You say your Dh would want to know if anything should happen, and then you say they are elderly so there's always a risk. There's your answer, his parents and he would want to know, not your decision I'm afraid.

I agree with the general concensus

1) You're not expecting bad new so you probably won't get any.

2) If one of your loved ones died a day into your holiday, would you really look back with fond memories knowing you missed the funeral? You can always take more holidays.

Plus 3) Let's say your house gets broken into. Wouldn't you rather be able to liaise over the phone with people who can take care of things on your behalf till you're home?

I'm with your OH on this one. Leave lines of communication open and enjoy your holiday smile

NUFC69 Sat 03-Aug-13 13:04:29

My DiL's DF was taken ill when they (her parents) were on a cruise last year and ended up in hospital in Greece - they didn't tell her as they didn't want to worry her. However, now every time they go away she worries about what is happening to them .....

Montybojangles Sat 03-Aug-13 13:19:17

Its up to you I suppose, but do you not think that you might still be able to provide comfort and support for the person back home, even if you can't be there physically?

My OHs best friend was diagnosed with a terminal disease while we were on holiday last year. There is no way we would have wanted to wait to find out this news in case it spoilt out holiday. It was 1 week of our lives that was messed up (managed to get flights home sooner), but it meant 1 week extra with his best friend giving support and friendship. We hopefully have years of holidays ahead of us, our friend sadly passed away only a few months after diagnosis. I think we spent that week (and the extra cost of early flights) wisely.

It's only a holiday, people we love are more important.

CeliaFate Sat 03-Aug-13 13:29:41

If you think your holiday will be unaffected by the news that one of dh's parents may die while you're away you may be right.
Your marriage however would come under enormous stress if the worst did happen and you had persuaded dh not to be told.
I am shock that a holiday would take priority of that tbh.

BlazinStoke Sat 03-Aug-13 13:45:05

For me the good thing about mobiles, easy access to emails etc is that if I'm away I can work on the basis that "no news is good news". If I was uncontactable it would always be in the back of my mind that I could return to bad news.
About 20 years ago I came back from a 3 week holiday (no mobile or cobtanct details as I was travelling round) to learn that my brother had nearly died and was ill in hospital. Don't know what I could have actually done had I known sooner. However for a long time after that I did feel anxious upon any return from holiday.
So I'm guess I'm saying I'm in your DH's camp on this matter.

BlazinStoke Sat 03-Aug-13 13:49:45

Does anyone remember when Radio 4 used to broadcast messages just before the 6pm news "could Mr and Mrs Foosdyke of Hampshire who are believed to be travelling in the Outer Hebrides contact their son-in-law as a matter of grave urgency". That was before widespread mobiles of course.

fuckwittery Sat 03-Aug-13 14:13:15

My mother died shortly after I came back from holiday. I would have wanted to know straight away, not least for the practical sorting out that needed to be done. I can'timagine friends and distant relatives knowing before me, and what if you find out via social media or a text from someone who doesn't know you havent been told.
Have you checked you holliday insurance, it should cover your costs of cutting holiday short if someone close to you dies, and it sounds like it would be unexpected and not result of long term illness which I guess might be excluded.

If it were my mum, dad, brother or MIL, then yes I'd want to be told.

Anyone not so close, it can wait.

When DD was in year 6 at school the class went on a Monday to Friday residential trip. On the Monday, the grandmother of one of her friends died. The family decided to keep the news from DD's friend until she was home and with her family. They opted to leave her there for that trip so that it was not connected in her mind to her grandmother's death, probably so that when her friends were all talking about it, which they were bound to do, it would be constantly causing an upset for the girl.

It was obvious when the children arrived home that there had been contact with the teachers on the trip as the child was the first one hustled off the bus and away with her family before any well meaning idiot said anything to the family within earshot of the child.

I missed a word out despite proof-reading!

"it would not be constantly causing an upset for the girl

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now