AIBU to look at dp in a completely different light after he said this?

(127 Posts)
stripeyspots Tue 30-Jul-13 16:50:05

First of all just to say that dp comes from a small town where the population are predominantly white, I'm from a diverse and multicultural city.

Dp is one of the most laid back, placid people you could meet, never really has a bad word to say about anyone and has never been racist in front of me.

Recently came back from a beach holiday abroad with dp.

While we were there we briefly met this guy who was there with his young daughter, he happened to be black.

One day dp and I were lounging around by the pool, this guy was sitting over at the other side reading a book while his daughter played.

Dp went to say something to me and then stopped, he said he wasn't going to say it as I'd think he was stupid. Of course I was like 'no go on you have to say it now'.

He turned round and said 'well, see that black man over there sitting in the shade reading his book, well if you were black, woud you really come to a place like this?'

I almost burst out laughing and asked what on earth that was supposed to mean. And he went on to say 'well he already has a tan, if he just wants to relax would he really come to a place like this'.

I was astonished, I of course pointed out that the guy was doing exactly what everyone else was doing, come on holiday and that (a) I wasn't there to get a tan either and (b) black people can still sunbathe and get a tan if they want to and (c) the guy can come on holiday exactly where he pleases for whatever reason he chooses whether it be he wants to relax by the pool, swim in the sea, taste the local cuisine and that it was a completely bizarre thought to even have.

Dp agreed he was being daft and no more was said about it.

But I keep thinking about what he said.

I have told a few people two being my dad and bil who can both be a little bigotted at times and even they couldn't get there breath when I told them and just think he's thick as two short planks.

But it reminded me of another comment dp made about a year ago which I thought was strange.

One of our neighbours is black, I'll call him Bob, it doesn't really even enter my head which neighbours are black, white I just don't see it iyswim. But one day dp was looking out of the window and said 'look Bobs going jogging'. I got up to look purely because dp had mentioned it and Bob isn't really the jogging type, and dp burst out laughing and said 'ha ha it's not really Bob it's just another coloured man'. He thought it was hilarious. Firstly I said I just don't get the joke, so you see a black guy and pretend it's Bob?? And also people haven't really used the term 'coloured' since the 80s and it's not something people really like to be referred to as.

Dp said he didn't realise and just thought he was messing around. His jokes are terrible at the best of times.

But seriously? Am I in a relationship with a racist or just a daft idiot who has lived a bit of an enclosed existence?

stripeyspots Thu 01-Aug-13 07:26:18

I don't think he was staring, not that I noticed.

Do is such a worrier, unless it's just me picking. For example two things I noticed last night.

Dp is going out Saturday night say at 7. I said can he come with me to take ds and my nephew for a pizza at lunchtime for nephews birthday and he started flapping saying he might not have time as he have to get ready? Dp is the quick shower and throw clothes on without even ironing them type. I explained that we'd only be a couple of hours ans be back by two, plenty of time to go out at 7! He's ok about it now but I know Saturday hell be panicking.

Other thing, bil offered to do something for us. It's not a big thing and won't put bil out at all, but bil will need to know when to know if he can.

Dp rang bil last night as we'd decided what date would be good, we needed to know as if bot we can make other arrangements. Dp then had the most awkward conversation with bil and ended up being very vague on dates so it's tended up back to square one really where nobody really knows what they're doing!

AnnaFiveTowns Thu 01-Aug-13 09:21:16

I don't think he sounds thick or racist. Just clumsy. He does sound a bit Aspergers. But if you love him and you're happy, so what?

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