to think my dad shouldn't have done this (I don't know how cross to be!)

(199 Posts)
MorganMummy Sat 27-Jul-13 03:24:39

I'm genuinely not sure how cross I should be.

My dad has a convertible and my DS (2.7)loves cars. We were getting ready to go swimming when staying at my parents' a few days ago, and my dad took DS outside to sit in the car (which was on the drive),which he's done once or twice before. When I came out the car was in the garage and my dad told me he'd driven the car into the garage with DS in the passenger seat - no seatbelt, and obviously no child seat so even a seat belt not very helpful.

I was quite angry as I said even though it is a tiny tiny chance, what if my dad had a heart attack and car lurched forwards (or similar). It was literally a case of driving 10 metres or so on a sloping driveway, so I know the chance of danger was infinitesimal. However, I also believe in avoiding easily avoidable hazards. My dad clearly didn't think I would mind and wasn't secretive about it.

I told my dad he needed to promise me never to do that again. He didn't take me seriously and tried to make a fake jokey promise but I made him do a proper promise. Then I dropped the issue as we were all going out and I didn't want to have a big discussion.

I can't discuss with my DH as he would be furious and I don't want to put his relationship with his PIL under strain. But I know my dad and my mum think I was being OTT and as I've thought about it more I really don't know? Am I being PFB (I know I can be) or is it a generational thing but reasonable of me?

KingRollo Sat 27-Jul-13 06:21:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Sat 27-Jul-13 06:24:37

Oh dear...YABU I'm afraid.

Give your Pa a big hug and apologise , as he will currently be appalled and baffled.

antsypants Sat 27-Jul-13 06:26:36

There are a lot of risks that you have to try and minimise, this is not one of them, your dad probably reacted the way he did to you because he was completely bemused, he probably made the mistake of assuming that you trusted him with the baby after he brought you (and any siblings) up safely...

You can make any action into a potential hazard with a baby, but you will drive yourself insane trying to foresee every potential risk, so don't make an issue out of it, your father won't do it again now he has seen your reaction.

One day your child is going to have an accident or do something really dangerous, save all the panic for then.

Splitheadgirl Sat 27-Jul-13 06:30:32

You were mean to your dad, telling him that you half expect him to have a heart attack and die soon. Your kid was in no real danger so yes, you were BVU.

mathanxiety Sat 27-Jul-13 06:33:30

I have a nephew who backed a convertible through a fence, across a flowerbed and a naice lawn straight into a swimming pool at age 3. He got the keys from an open handbag. He survived but the neighbours were a bit miffed. grin

You are being bonkers.
However, it's the pole up the arse of your DH that makes it impossible for you to talk to him about certain things that is the real story here.

Your dad's ideas on safety are not.

mathanxiety Sat 27-Jul-13 06:34:13

How stressful is your life?

trinity0097 Sat 27-Jul-13 06:36:56

You are being very unreasonable, I initially thought you had meant a trip on the road, but on a drive, come on get a grip on reality!

Prince George bring taken home got me taking to parents about how I got home from hospital and asked if they managed the car seat as effortlessly - apparently I was driven home in my Mum's arms, about 15-20miles from the hospital, which included meeting a car going around a roundabout the wrong way - I am here to tell the tale!

CailinDana Sat 27-Jul-13 06:47:06

Your poor dad. He wanted to give his gs a tiny little thrill and you made out that he was some sort of idiot who had put a child in danger. He must feel awful. You owe him a massive apology.

exoticfruits Sat 27-Jul-13 06:48:12

I am still thinking this has to be a joke- surely it has to be? hmm
He drove 10metres- at a speed so slow he was hardly moving- and you think it so dangerous you are surprised that he was quite open about it?
Truly bonkers if you are serious.

You are in for a very stess filled few years. Does this mean that he can't take DC for a walk to feed the ducks etc alone in case he has a heart attack? You are just as likely to have an accident when you are alone with him. I assume that you drive with him alone? You could have a bad accident whilst doing so- even though he is strapped in!

You will have to get a grip and you do need to learn to risk assess.

missrlr Sat 27-Jul-13 06:49:13

Yabu and totally pfb.

Go to grip shop obtain grip use grip

Tell DH to stop being a drama queen and work out why his fury is acceptable to you.

Also think if you want to live censoring life. How will this impact DC?

PS for clarity IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE AND SHOULD NOT BE TO YOU.

LegoAcupuncture Sat 27-Jul-13 06:56:37

What Everlong said.

Yeah a bit ott but I know what it's like with your first dc, everything seems like a massive deal and you are so cautious with them.
My dh has ridden from the bottom of our drive into the garage with ds on his motorbike and while it as a bit shock I realised that at 2 mph it was likely to be fine.

Capitola Sat 27-Jul-13 07:07:51

Seriously?

Bonkers & PFB. Are you a neurotic person generally?

Why would your OH be furious? With you, or you Dad?

And "being cross" is an emotion, you don't "decide" how cross to be - this has clearly made you cross and I think you're right to examine why such a small thing has made you react so.

This either has to be a wind up or is written by someone who has anxiety issues. I think the DH is the key here. So I'll play along. OP, YABVU, but tell us why your DH would have been so furious.

Sparklingbrook Sat 27-Jul-13 07:12:23

I don't think there's any need for some of these comments.

Morgan, I think that it is a bit OTT and PFB to feel that way, so just let it go and forget about it.

Yabu and utterly ridiculous. You need to learn to risk assess without catastrophising because otherwise your life will be totally miserable and you will be wrung out with worry constantly.
This was not a risky thing to do, by normal standards. You do riskier things every day (like drive with DS in the car in his car seat!) and you do them because the risk is low. You cannot treat every 'oh my god what if dad had a heart attack' insane thought that pops into your head as if it were sensible. Believe me, you will have plenty of those thoughts throughout ds's life but you have to manage them or they would send you insane.
And it's very weird that your dh would also be furious. Are you a paranoid pair in general?

OP I think you've been told YABU now.
However, I can completely understand. "use a properly fitted car seat on any journey NO MATTER HOW SHORT" is drummed into you and if you are like me, quite a literal person, then you can take it literally. In addition, assuming your DP agrees, then within reason, what you two as parents say, goes.
DH has done this with the DCs since they were old enough to show an interest. However if he hadn't and if it had been GPs who had done it, I may well have reacted like you, I honestly don't know.

lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain Sat 27-Jul-13 07:17:00

YABU.

He's more likely to hurt himself being a 2 year old and just smacking into things around the house.

If I was your dad, I'd be pretty miffed that in said situation you're more worried about your son getting a small bump on the head than your dad's hypothetical heart attack that causes it. Do you not let people pick him up in case they trip or faint?

Is it you being pfb or your husband? The fact you've already acknowledged he would be furious suggests it might be his over protective nature that you feel compelled to follow.

AgentZigzag From 3 onwards I put my dad's car on the drive every Tuesday after DGPs had left. Bloody fantastic! I was a steering legend!

KittieCat Sat 27-Jul-13 07:19:47

YABU. My DS is 2.5 and 'drives' my parents car sat on Dad's lap. He's done this for about a year.

Clearly his 'driving' is only when the car is in its parking space but the engine is on and he moves it. I did the same when I was little.

Say sorry to your Dad and let them have their fun!

exoticfruits Sat 27-Jul-13 07:20:54

Does DH have a problematic relationship with your parents? They must walk on eggshells if something like that would strain it.

If it is a serious post then perhaps you need to think about getting help for your anxiety problems.

Pagwatch Sat 27-Jul-13 07:20:55

I want to know how old the Grandfather is.

exoticfruits Sat 27-Jul-13 07:22:57

How do you cope with your DS up climbing frames, on slides, running etc

Weegiemum Sat 27-Jul-13 07:25:30

YA definitely BU.

SolomanDaisy Sat 27-Jul-13 07:28:36

I once saw a grandad allowing his grandad to stand on a wall operating an electric hedge trimmer. The child was about five. That is the level of risk where you need to intervene with grandparents.

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