Was this really inconsiderate?

(123 Posts)

We've just come back to the UK for a holiday. We spent a few days at my FILs house and then a week at my Mum and Dads.

During that week we've been out and about meeting and catching up with friends and so have been out a lot. The washing machine has been on every day at Mums insistence and as I've been out she's done my ironing. I would have quite happily done it when I could fit it in.

Every morning they've been up 'looking' after the three kids. They didn't have to, the kids are quite happy to get their own breakfast bars and juice and play quietly. One gets up around 7am, the other 8am and the third we usually wake when we get up. I haven't asked them to so any of this and they have made no comment. We've been waking at any where between 8am and 9am.

We are of for a week to see other relatives and got up this morning and got ready quietly and left early, leaving them to sleep so we could get on the road as it is going to be a 6-7 hour journey. We got about 3/4 hour away and I had a face book message to return immediately as mum is having a panic attack because we had left with out saying goodbye. When I phoned to say where we were I got a mouthful to say how inconsiderate we were to leave with out saying goodbye and they had looked after our kids for us and ironed and done all sorts for us.

We've eaten out most days and I've done a top up shop for them. I got them an orchid and wine to say thank you.

We've just had to drive 3/4 of an hour back to say goodbye. I was going to ring when we stopped and when we got there. We will see them in a weeks time.

We're we inconsiderate?

Yes.

Did they know you were going to go then? Had you had a big ceremonial goodbye the night before?

By leaving like that you treated them like a hotel.

Latemates Fri 26-Jul-13 08:25:10

are you going back to theirs after seeing other relations?

mrsravelstein Fri 26-Jul-13 08:25:17

it's quite odd to leave without saying goodbye, yes. did they know you were leaving or did they just wake up and find you gone?

magimedi Fri 26-Jul-13 08:25:39

Inconsiderate if you did not say 'goodbye' last night & make them aware thatyou were going to slip off early.

But having a panic attack over this is a massive over reaction & making you drive back is crazy.

SixFeetUnder Fri 26-Jul-13 08:27:34

Did you say anything last night about leaving early this morning so you'll say your goodbyes to avoid having to wake them? If not then I think it was inconsiderate and they probably did feel put out that you'd left without even a mention.

Sirzy Fri 26-Jul-13 08:27:52

Did you not say goodbye last night and let them know your plans? I think if you didn't then yes it was inconsiderate.

LittleMissGerardButlerfan Fri 26-Jul-13 08:28:25

Depends if you said goodbye the night before. If you didn't even say goodbye and they weren't expecting you to be gone when they got up then I think it is inconsiderate.

Roshbegosh Fri 26-Jul-13 08:28:33

You should have said goodbye properly, and even a THANK YOU. You do sound unappreciative even if you didn't ask them to iron, wash etc. it was kind of them.

LemonPeculiarJones Fri 26-Jul-13 08:28:46

Yes you were inconsiderate. Driving back is an over-reaction though, a big apology over the phone then flowers/wine on your return would be nice.

redskyatnight Fri 26-Jul-13 08:29:13

Yes, it would have been normal to say goodbye. Did you say you were going early and say goodby the night before? Otherwise I can see that just waking up and finding you gone would have been very upsetting.

I am sure your mum and dad didn't mind doing all those things for you - just by your going in the way you did they are feeling used and taken for granted.

ArabellaBeaumaris Fri 26-Jul-13 08:29:32

If they weren't aware you were leaving first thing then if was inconsiderate. However panic attacks & having to return to say goodbye is a unnecessary.

When we see them in a weeks time we will have ten days between FIL and Mums and will be able to spend a bit more quality time with them as everyone has now seen us bar three people and they will be evening things.

Roshbegosh Fri 26-Jul-13 08:30:53

Since you didn't say goodbye or thank you (other than leaving an orchid) you also should add SORRY

saintmerryweather Fri 26-Jul-13 08:31:03

you were rude to leave without saying thank you and goodbye, not just inconsiderate

AlicesNextDoorNeighbour Fri 26-Jul-13 08:31:38

You are incredibly inconsiderate not to say goodbye! How strange.

Agree with others that if there was no goodbye done last night it was a bit rude to slip off like that.

However I would still not have driven back after the phone call just to say goodbye then leave again.

NatashaBee Fri 26-Jul-13 08:33:49

If you knew you'd be going early, you should have done your goodbyes the night before. I think most people would be offended if you didn't.

sppp Fri 26-Jul-13 08:37:46

As long as they knew you would be going early in the morning then I think it was fine. Had you discussed it the night before?

These people are your PARENTS, you are still their daughter. My parents would have been fine with this.

You are going back to spend more time with them next week. It's not as if you won't see them for 3 years.

I accept that I would not have treated friends, or say, an aunt like this if I had been staying in their house, but I would have done the same in your situation.

Oops! Seems we were then.

We said we were leaving early because of the traffic and we thought they would have woken as everyone had their shower and got dressed and we stripped the beds and packed the last of our bigs. Mums a very light sleeper and wakes at the drop of a pin and as they hadnt woken then we thought we should leave them to sleep. We'd said thank you last night and left a note.

When we got back Mum said we should have knocked on the door and said bye. They thought early was 9am. Though they have been nagging us for years that if you are going on a trip then you need to hat up and go early and beat the traffic and they know we have been doing that the last couple of years. Traffic is already building up and it's not 9am yet.

So a big sorry and a pressie when we get back then.

Wowserz129 Fri 26-Jul-13 08:45:05

This whole post smacks of being inconsiderate.

Supersesame Fri 26-Jul-13 08:45:24

I would find an orchid and wine a crappy gift for a weeks stay.
The top up shop is only replacing what you've used (one would hope, at the very leaat)
Did you buy them a meal out or anything?
I think they might be feeling used and hotel like.

Supersesame Fri 26-Jul-13 08:45:53

I would find an orchid and wine a crappy gift for a weeks stay.
The top up shop is only replacing what you've used (one would hope, at the very leaat)
Did you buy them a meal out or anything?
I think they might be feeling used and hotel like.

My FIL would have laid into us if we had woken him.

But I accept it is inconsiderate, thank you for your input folks.

vvviola Fri 26-Jul-13 08:50:07

My MIL does this every single time she stays. We have at least persuaded her to say goodbye to the DC the night before (although DD2 is not even 2 yet & doesn't get it so spends an hour or so the next morning wandering about looking confused). Frustratingly she must set her alarm to go off at about 5am, because DD2 wakes before 6 most mornings and MIL is always gone.

Thing is, even though she does say goodbye, and does it every time for a number of totally daft reasons, it still makes me wonder if she just can't wait to get away, or hates us, or considers us a hotel. When you've been hosting someone, no matter how close family they are, they really shouldn't sneak away early unless there's an early flight etc involved.

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