To wonder what the bloody secret to contentment is?

(255 Posts)
Tailtwister Wed 24-Jul-13 15:28:01

AIBU to wonder if contentment exists and if so, how do you damn well get it?

You meet some people who just seem so content with their lives in general and appear to be able to enjoy all the great things and not be overly bothered by the bad. They are often not those who have the most in a material sense, but seem to be so happy with what they do have IYSWIM. I would LOVE to be like that, but I'm just a discontent and dare I say it, jealous person. I hate being like that, but wonder if that's just me, the way I am.

So, all those who are content with their lot. What's the secret? Is it just a mind set which you either have or not?

ThreeTomatoes Sat 27-Jul-13 22:25:46

This is an interesting article, about the history of happiness, and how our perception of what happiness is and how to come by it has changed over the years.

And on the same site: 10 things science says will make you happy which I think rings true.

waterlego Sat 27-Jul-13 22:12:32

Thank you whitecloud. flowers

It's a strange road, for sure, and just when I think I'm all out of strength, I find another little pocketful of it somewhere. smile

KinkyDorito Sat 27-Jul-13 20:20:29

www.youtube.com/watch?v=WY08aXxor20

The above is a lecture delivered by Prof Mark Williams who wrote the book on mindfulness linked to above. He was speaking at the School of Life.

blue2 Sat 27-Jul-13 19:09:07

Already - My son and I are reading this book^^ its been recommended to him for his stress levels, and I reckon it can do me no harm at all!

alreadytaken Sat 27-Jul-13 09:17:28

grin Yes, there is that as well ! shock

Badvoc Sat 27-Jul-13 08:17:13

Ha! smile
Poor dh...he went very pale when the cashier told him how much it all came to...2 pairs of school shoes, 2 pairs of trainers, 1 pair of plimsoles and a pair of football boots....you can imagine!

jollydiane Fri 26-Jul-13 23:49:07

Goodness there are some detailed answers on this thread.

If more people cuddled a teddy at night the world would be a happier, safer place.

Goooooooooooooooooooooood Fri 26-Jul-13 23:38:47

*juggling]
I used to cry when I took my four kids to get their school shoes confused but not in a good way. confused

I had to buy indoor smart shoes, outdoor smart shoes, indoor trainers and outdoor trainers for FOUR kids....all at once. shock
We lived overseas but I used to buy all their shoes at Clarks as they all have extremely wide feet and I couldn't find shoes to fit them in the country where we lived. The shop assistant probably wanted to cry too grin. I did get a special 20% bulk purchase discount though.

I think I might cry when DS gets kitted up for secondary this summer Badvoc, never mind first school shoes smile
Great thread all x

ZingWidge Fri 26-Jul-13 17:40:38

here to learn

Badvoc Fri 26-Jul-13 16:08:49

Gah.
Nothing compared to what you have been through mrsdv.
Need to get a flicking grip tbh.
Am on HRT now so that may help.
Is it normal to almost burst into tears when your ds tries on his first school shoes? smile
Sorry for thread hijack op!

MrsDeVere Fri 26-Jul-13 16:05:08

You will.
Hang on.

Badvoc Fri 26-Jul-13 16:00:10

Yes.
So much going on, not in a good place ATM.
I wonder if I will ever be ready...

PollyIndia Fri 26-Jul-13 15:28:14

I would say I am pretty content. I am a single mum to a 9 month old and it was totally unplanned but unexpectedly, it's made me happier than I have ever been. I am living in the present for the first time ever I think and I think that is key. For today, everything is great. Sure I get lonely sometimes and I worry about money and work in the future and how I will manage being 2 parents for him but I try not to think about stuff too much. I own my own home and right now can pay the mortgage working 3 days a week, plus I work from home so I have a decent quality of life. Plus working means I can exercise as I have childcare so that is great for the psyche.
Someone also said you need to have a challenge and something to look forward to to be happy and I would agree with that but for me it is more living in the present and appreciating what you have I think. I feel lucky to have my baby.

MrsDeVere Fri 26-Jul-13 15:25:10

I am sure there is stuff on youtube.
But I haven't looked it up.
Weird isn't it?
Something is stopping me.

I guess you have to be ready.

lisad123everybodydancenow Fri 26-Jul-13 15:24:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Badvoc Fri 26-Jul-13 15:22:48

I haven't, no.
I have used a book called "thrive" tom try and cure my emetophobia and it did help a lot.
I can't afford anything expensive like therapy etc.
Meditation sounds interesting...

hutchblue Fri 26-Jul-13 15:22:46

Transcendental Meditation is the best (for me). I've been doing it since I was 16. It is expensive but it gives you something other forms (only in my humble experience) can't.

When I am really stressed and can't sleep I sit up at night and do it. I get weird tingly pains in my cheeks. I was told by the people who taught me it's the release of stress.

yes it's weird. I'd never have thought it possible.

Anyway, I don't understand it but it works (for me).

Then I go straight to sleep. I am the world's worst sleeper. So if it works for me I'm sure it would work for others...

It's worth the investment. What I would say is in life you often think your options are a, b and c.

When you meditate you finally come across many more letters of the alphabet.

Anyway, hope this might help someone.

lisad123everybodydancenow Fri 26-Jul-13 15:22:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDeVere Fri 26-Jul-13 15:10:35

I am waiting for EMDR (?) but I haven't heard back about it.
I am hoping that will help.

I really, really , really want things to change.

I haven't read the whole thread so I have probably missed some advice/information.

I would love to learn to mediate. Not sure how to go about it and cannot afford expensive classes.

Have you tried anything like that badvoc? I know you have had a worrying time of it.

I found hypnobirthing (via CD) helpful when I was pg so I know this stuff works. Its just finding the right sort of thing.

Tailtwister Fri 26-Jul-13 15:09:14

Wow, this thread has moved on, thanks so much to everyone for posting. I'm going to use the current lull (children munching gingerbread men!) to have a read through. I've had a quick scan and I'm amazed at the time people have taken to reply in such detail.

Oh dear, it seems the remaining biscuit is being fought over. I'll be back...

Badvoc Fri 26-Jul-13 14:57:02

Yes.
It is exhausting.
I wish I knew the answer mrsdv sad

MrsDeVere Fri 26-Jul-13 14:40:39

I wish I could be content.
I am too scared all the time to relax.
I always expect something dreadful is going to happen if I let go for even a second.
Although I know this is ridiculous because if I had the power to control the universe I would have prevented other bad things happening.

But still I cling on, not daring to breath lest it all comes tumbling down around my ears again.

Its fucking exhausting.

hutchblue Fri 26-Jul-13 14:33:06

Try listening to a few Abraham Hicks videos on Youtube. You can find them through googling it.

I try to ignore Abraham Hick's 'spiritual' element in it all as she has some ideas I don't agree with/buy into.

But she has some very effective ways to change the way you view your life and it's really worth looking at those and listening to what she suggests.

It's changed my life, I'm much more positive now and don't envy people nearly as much as I used to. I also catch myself early on when I start the comparison thing.

Try also Googling lists of appreciation, it gives you some AHs exercises to start straight away.

It's all about focus. If you focus on the things in your life you do have, you can kind of tune out of the things you don't have and stop fretting all the time about what you don't have.

If you keep banging the drum of what you don't have, your mind is never free to enjoy what you do have. And we do have so much but we just keep thinking about what we don't have.

Another interesting read is Steve Pavlina. I also don't buy into some of his weird and wonderful practices but he has some great advice about living fearlessly, living in the moment.

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