To have confronted this poor excuse for a mother?

(553 Posts)
TeddyPickleStick Wed 24-Jul-13 13:58:12

So I'm sat at work, window open. I hear a commotion outside so get up and look out the window. There is a heavily pregnant woman with two small children - a boy of around 3 and a girl of maybe 4.

She is screaming at the boy .. ' you fucking piece of shit, what the fuck are you doing? ' and ' Come on you little prick ' etc etc.

I shout down ' Don't do that! Don't say that! ' in complete shock. ' Who the fuck are you? Fuck off ' she shouts back.

I then deliberated on what to do. I felt really angry so ran down the stairs onto the street but she had gone into the bank. And then I ground to a halt and couldn't work out what to do.

So did nothing more. I mean, what CAN you do? Only a bit of swearing after all eh? I have no idea what I would have done if I'd managed to confront her anyway.

I detest this, really hate it. If you swear at your children like this, in the street, then you are a shit parent.

Aren't you?

yellowsnownoteatwillyou Wed 24-Jul-13 14:23:33

I haven't reported it yet, she never does it when the dad is in so I was going to point it out to him first, but haven't had a chance to speak to him yet. Also im very pregnant so didn't want an altercation just now

I'm hoping she does it when my hv is in as surely they have to do something. I do feel bad I've not done anything just dealing with my own stuff just now and she doesn't seem the responsible type

For the first time yesterday I heard one of them getting dragged across the floor and thumped down. Then hysterical screaming.

I think this mum is not coping with twins and never seems to be with other adults rather than her partner, and she just drags the kids up to the supermarket and back never anywhere else.

Twirlyhot Wed 24-Jul-13 14:23:37

SS won't do much about DC being sworn at full stop.

maja00 Wed 24-Jul-13 14:23:39

That kind of verbal/emotional abuse isn't an otherwise decent parent having a tough day imo.

THINKING that way about your little child, let alone SCREAMING it at them is not good enough parenting.

I'm sure she does love her children. But love isn't always enough if you are an inadequate parent for whatever reason.

MrsDeVere Wed 24-Jul-13 14:24:00

I am going to leave you all to it.

You all know what you know and have vast and wide experience in working with families and children.

So I cannot add anything.

Do carry on.

TeddyPickleStick Wed 24-Jul-13 14:24:03

Why are you trying to < mildly> defend this MrsD? Out of interest?

I have stated very factually exactly as it was. Exactly what she said. And you're saying .. ' it's awful..but but but '

I agree that it was just a few seconds. I think I'd have done the same in your situation, I'd have been upset too, but to suggest ss should be called for swearing at your children, however unpleasant it is to hear, is very silly.

I'm not saying that using that language was justified, but how do you know that she wasn't having a really bad day, with hormones added to the mix? Had you just seen her win the lottery or something? Confused as to how you can be so sure.

MrsDeVere Wed 24-Jul-13 14:25:20

Bit ironic though.
On a thread about a child being sworn at, there is a child who is being physically abused and no one is doing anything about it.

FFS.

ViviPru Wed 24-Jul-13 14:25:38

yellowsnow

how bloody awful for you sad

TeddyPickleStick Wed 24-Jul-13 14:25:57

Yello - please report immediately. It is anonymous so no come back on you. Don't stand by

MrsDeVere Wed 24-Jul-13 14:26:07

I have not even mildly defended her.
I am just questioning your psychic skills.

TeddyPickleStick Wed 24-Jul-13 14:26:59

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hermioneweasley Wed 24-Jul-13 14:27:13

You stood up for those kids. They saw another adult take their side. That is massive.

We have all had parenting moments we're not proud of. I have screamed at my kids. But I have never spoken to them like that. It is abuse.

TeddyPickleStick Wed 24-Jul-13 14:27:34

OK.

Maybe she is a perfect parent just having a bad day.

Still defending her actions today?

Turry Wed 24-Jul-13 14:30:52

Yellow, please, please report your neighbour.

MrsDeVere, really?! Good parents do NOT call their small children pricks. EVER!

LookingForwardToMarch Wed 24-Jul-13 14:31:24

You don't have to be psychic.

I'm not saying no good parent can swear in extreme circumstances.

I'm saying that NO good parent would ever ever scream 'fucking piece of shit' and 'prick' at their tiny child.

If it looks, smells and tastes like crap. It's crap.

Twirlyhot Wed 24-Jul-13 14:32:10

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MrsDeVere Wed 24-Jul-13 14:32:12

Teddy don't try and be passive agressive with me pet.

I work with social workers. I am impervious.

How many times have you had to make an actual referral? Support a family during the process of assessment and removal of their children?
How many actual, real life, decisions have you had to make regarding the welfare of a child?

How could you tell? How?

but the point is you cant tell. you dont know. you know nothing about this woman whatsoever.

Its not about defending her actions, its just the way you presume to know her circumstances. And to be honest, the way you said that you didnt want to describe her just makes me thinkof the sort of description you are likely to give. And why you are so certain that you know something.

The poster who is actually hearing dcs being physically abused and saying "oh ill have a word with the dad is acceptable though?

MrsDeVere Wed 24-Jul-13 14:35:06

Another poster who finds it hard to read through the fog of self righteousness.

Have I said she is a good parent?

I will try and be clear because its hard, I know, for people to grasp.

You cannot and should not make an assessment of a person's parenting capacity based on a single incident and your own conjecture.

You may not swear at your kids but don't ever think that this could not happen to you if you were caught at the wrong moment.

yellowsnownoteatwillyou Wed 24-Jul-13 14:38:52

The dragging an thumping happened yesterday and has never happened before.

What would have been the best reaction to this?

Me dragging myself out to chap their door which they will ignore as I have done it before when the screaming got too much.

Was this better than me shouting thru the ceiling that "enoughs enoughs"

As I said im very pregnant and in a lot of pain and she would ignore the door or probably try and attack me.

Turry Wed 24-Jul-13 14:39:08

Yellow, please, PLEASE, PLEASE report! It can be anonymous. If you don't trust that get somebody else to report. Sod it, tell one of us her address and WE'LL report. This must be reported.

MrsDeVere, perhaps you've been desensitised by the nature of your work, if you're ok with children being spoken to that way, and keen to scoff at mention of unreported physical abuse, rather than asking - begging! - for it to be reported?!

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Wed 24-Jul-13 14:40:05

We'd all get on with our lives with a bit less stress if we stopped making vast sweeping judgements on everyone else based on a 2 minute sample of their life.

LookingForwardToMarch Wed 24-Jul-13 14:40:10

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well no yellow of course do not go and confront her.

but you phone SS.

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